Think I've fallen for best friend - how do I get through this?
My male friend and I have been friends for about 10 years. However, we've lived far apart for most of our lives as his parents moved away around the time we became teenagers. Despite this we always kept in touch via phone, webcam, letters, phone calls...and we have always been each others confidants through various relationships and bereavements etc. He is attractive and I know he finds me attractive - he used to compliment me and call me a "goddess" and we always say we love each other (though I have always thought this was platonic).
In honesty, despite his wonderful qualities and attractiveness I have never thought of him in a romantic way. But after a recent break up when he was there for me through another bad spot, I realised he has always been the guy there looking after me in the background. I found old diaries and he was always there somewhere looking after me. Anyway, we lost touch for about a year and he got a girlfriend who he is with now.
I really don't know where these feelings have crept up from and I know that I cannot admit them to him as he is taken and I wouldn't want to put him in a difficult situation. Perhaps the feelings will pass in time? I've been feeling very confused and would love some advice. Hiding the feelings and remaining his friend will not be easy.
In honesty, despite his wonderful qualities and attractiveness I have never thought of him in a romantic way. But after a recent break up when he was there for me through another bad spot, I realised he has always been the guy there looking after me in the background. I found old diaries and he was always there somewhere looking after me. Anyway, we lost touch for about a year and he got a girlfriend who he is with now.
I really don't know where these feelings have crept up from and I know that I cannot admit them to him as he is taken and I wouldn't want to put him in a difficult situation. Perhaps the feelings will pass in time? I've been feeling very confused and would love some advice. Hiding the feelings and remaining his friend will not be easy.
Scroll to see replies
I really do feel for you. I think the only way you can handle this tricky situation is to do the same for him as he has done for you in the past. In other words, be there for him in times of trouble or if he just needs a friend to confide in. It will be difficult trying to keep your real feelings for him under wraps,so to speak, but there will come a time when he'll realise that you have been more than just a friend to him. The hardest thing is being patient for as long as it takes. Whatever you do don't crowd him or try to come between him and his present partner. I wish you well sweetheart, and I hope that things work out for you, but you may have to face the admittedly unpalatable fact that he has found the person he wants to be with, in which case you will need to move on with your life.
either try your hardest to get over it, or maybe try things if he ever breaks up with his current girlfriend, maybe both what you were looking for was right there just you two were unsure of it
Original post by Anonymous
I really do feel for you. I think the only way you can handle this tricky situation is to do the same for him as he has done for you in the past. In other words, be there for him in times of trouble or if he just needs a friend to confide in. It will be difficult trying to keep your real feelings for him under wraps,so to speak, but there will come a time when he'll realise that you have been more than just a friend to him. The hardest thing is being patient for as long as it takes. Whatever you do don't crowd him or try to come between him and his present partner. I wish you well sweetheart, and I hope that things work out for you, but you may have to face the admittedly unpalatable fact that he has found the person he wants to be with, in which case you will need to move on with your life.
No, I absolutely wouldn't do that. I care about him far too much and will always put him first. I don't really want to distance myself because he is a very good friend - what can I do in the meantime? Just hope it goes away and I'll get over it? Time?
Original post by Old_Simon
This is why men do not understand women. A girl keeps a guy in the friendzone for 10 years, "loses contact", he finds a gf, then first girl decides she loves him. What a mess.
As I said he said moved away when we were practically still children and that made us about 6 hours apart. We had relationships with people nearby because that's how we saw and developed bonds with.
I have no idea to believe he ever liked me as such to be put in the "friend zone". I don't know - he never said he had feelings of any kind.
Ps. Sorry for misspellings above! So tired.
Original post by Anonymous
Ps. Sorry for misspellings above! So tired.
Well good luck anyway. I hope it all works out for you both
Original post by SerLorasTyrell
Thanks. I'll, eh, have to make that suggestion.
Anyone more advice folks? Has anyone been in this scenario and survived to tell the tale?!
Original post by WinOrDie
Find out whether you're better loooking than his current girl then act accordingly.
You sir stole the words out of my mouth
Original post by WinOrDie
Find out whether you're better loooking than his current girl then act accordingly.
I couldn't possibly answer that without seeming big-headed...
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks. I'll, eh, have to make that suggestion.
Anyone more advice folks? Has anyone been in this scenario and survived to tell the tale?!
Anyone more advice folks? Has anyone been in this scenario and survived to tell the tale?!
They always say marry you're best friend, that's why I suggested it you seem like you would be good together
Posted from TSR Mobile
he most likely would love to have a go on you - tell him
daniel bedingfield- gotta get through this. Jobs a good un
Original post by ifdgaf
Best to tell him
I don't think it would be because it would place him in a difficult position.
Original post by Anonymous
No, I absolutely wouldn't do that. I care about him far too much and will always put him first. I don't really want to distance myself because he is a very good friend - what can I do in the meantime? Just hope it goes away and I'll get over it? Time?
Yes, as painful as it is for you now, it will get easier with the passage of time. I've been there myself and believe me I know what you're going through. The thing you have to do is to make sure that you don't have too much time time to dwell on things. Try to completely fill your days with things to do. Keep occupied and be around people. I used to work until I almost dropped and night after night I used to fall into bed exhausted. This went on for almost 4 months and gradually I began to feel better about myself and started socialising again. As I said it takes time, but I promise you that the pain will subside and you will get through this. Look after yourself sweetheart, I'm on your side.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Is it possible to hack or exploit knowledge score on Seneca?
- Ill during exams??
- struggling in sixth form
- catching up on math-bio-chem a level w/out burnout
- Seeking Guidance for Effective Exam Revision
- How to cope with loneliness
- Struggling to make friends at uni
- 2023 Alevel Predictions
- Best friend completely turned on me and now my worst enemy, but can’t get over us
- End of year 13
- Durham Uni Worries - Pls help postgrads!
- Fake friends
- Help- I really like my friend and I'm planning a "grand romantic gesture" to prove it
- anyone taking a Gap Year (Leeds)
- falling inlove again after rejection
- scared i wont like someone else as much
- Stop blaming yourself for a break up
- Busting Some Popular Clearing Myths!
- boy help
- signs of eating disorder in my little sister
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
