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Should women, married to men, take their husbands last name?

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Original post by karmacrunch
Yeah I know but won't that look strange if you have two different surnames. If that's even possible? :confused:

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Wouldn't bother me. I feel strange any way :tongue:
Original post by Mr Smurf
It's her choice. However if the guy does not want to marry her because she wont then that is also his choice.


That seems pretty ridiculous - you love someone and want to spend the rest of your lives together, but oh wait she likes her surname and wants to keep it, gonna have to find someone else.
Original post by joker12345
That seems pretty ridiculous - you love someone and want to spend the rest of your lives together, but oh wait she likes her surname and wants to keep it, gonna have to find someone else.


I don't care if it sounds ridiculous and sexist. I wouldn't try to convince her to take my name if she really didn't want to. But in no way am I going to force myself into a marriage when this is something I feel strongly about. Before you say it no I don't think of my wife as my property. I just want to uphold this tradition and nothing will change my mind about it so don't bother.
If I prefer my surname to his then I'll keep mine. If I prefer his name to mine then I'll take his.

It's just down to choice.

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I can't say a definite yes or no. It's entirely up to her. I personally will take my husbands last name, as I like the idea of it and becoming "one" with him. However, if he has a surname that just doesn't go with my first name (I have a very uncommon name that doesn't sound nice with certain surnames) then I MIGHT consider keeping mine, or at least double-barrell my name.
Another consideration might be the health of the family name. My girlfriend will likely keep her name in marriage, and more power to her, mine is ugly and common and hers is more unique.

However, my name is extinct unless I carry it on. My cousin is a bachelor nearing 50 so I doubt he'll get round to having kids, and my brother is badly disabled. As far as I'm aware, other than that the name is lost except for distant relatives. But while my girlfriend herself is an only child, her family is quite big and she has cousins and uncles coming out of her ears.

So I would much prefer it if the kids took my name. I wonder if it's possible to give daughters the mother's surname and sons the father's or if they always have to be the same.
(edited 9 years ago)
although I despise feminism with every ounce of my soul, I see nothing wrong with husbands taking on the surname of their wives, as opposed to the other way around. men don't have a divine right to be the sole people whose names must be continued if we live in a gender-equality society
(edited 9 years ago)
I think I'd take my husbands name but continue to use my maiden name for work. I think that would help keep a boundary between work and home :smile:
Reply 68
Avatar for MAINE.
MAINE.
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Personally dont care what wife/S.O. calls herself, but if we ever have any kids, as a man, they are going to have my surname. No negotations.
If you are married to a chinese man, u wont have to change ur surname.
The wife shouldn't be forced to take the surname. It should be discussed with the husband to ensure everyone's happy with whatever they decide, since it can seem like a massive change to their identity. Don't think it's sexist or oppressive to take the husbands name, as it's mostly based in tradition nowadays. As long as it sounds/looks fine and they're happy to be associated with the name, that's all that really matters.
Original post by leedswest
Why not just view it with a more positive outlook, this isn't 1800's India. Just see it as you're dad (or mum and dad) saying I looked after this girl for x number of years, now please can you do the same for me. It's your perception of viewing from a backwards angle that gives you such a negative outlook, the tradition is what you make of it.


1) the tradition is dad giving you away, not mum and dad. This is part of the sexism and backwards outlook of this tradition
2) you are (I assume) an adult, you don't need to be looked after and passed from person to person to do so
3) I don't see marriage as changing a girls relationship with her parents, ie we looked after you till you marry
4) why does this apply to girls only? why don't men's parents 'give them' to their wives?
The tradition is undeniably sexist as it's the men taking and giving women rather than to do with parents and their children.
Original post by Snagprophet
Well it's the father's birthname, which was also given to his daughter, and his daughter is about to get given someone else's birthname. What exactly is the problem here?


Maybe she likes her birth name?
Nope, in Islam the wife keeps her own surname :smile:
Original post by joker12345
Maybe she likes her birth name?


What does that have to do with the rightful exclusion of mothers from wedding certificates?
Original post by Snagprophet
What does that have to do with the rightful exclusion of mothers from wedding certificates?


It was to do with the title of the thread of whether wives should take their husbands names.
Original post by joker12345
1) the tradition is dad giving you away, not mum and dad. This is part of the sexism and backwards outlook of this tradition
2) you are (I assume) an adult, you don't need to be looked after and passed from person to person to do so
3) I don't see marriage as changing a girls relationship with her parents, ie we looked after you till you marry
4) why does this apply to girls only? why don't men's parents 'give them' to their wives?
The tradition is undeniably sexist as it's the men taking and giving women rather than to do with parents and their children.

I never said that you had to do it, all I was saying was just see it from a more positive and modern outlook.
In Italy the woman keeps her maiden name. I hate it as I always have to bring my marriage certificate and explain why there's two names.

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Original post by anonymouspie227
(I think it should be a choice for either partner not a necessity. )

Dicuss.

Edit: removed "heterosexual" from title and rejigged it, caused discussion away from question.





If I was married, I would actually like to have a family name like: 'The Potters' haha
Original post by Mr Smurf
It's not stupid since most women do take their husbands surname. I wouldn't marry if she did not want my surname. I would not think I was "owning" her but its one of the few things about marriage I am traditional about (along with me proposing with a ring etc.).


Yes they do but it's their choice not something they have to do or have been bullied into doing. You might not see it as you owning her but she might I personally wouldn't want to and I don't see why I should, are you honestly saying it would be a deal breaker if you loved someone so much you wanted to marry them but they wouldn't take your surname so that would be it?

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