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Secretly found out i have a brother!

My dad died when i was 6 months old. My mom would never tell me how he died and I never met my fathers side of the family until i was 14.

Me and my mom dont talk about my dad at all, when we go to his grave we dont say much.. she just leaves me to it and waits for me. We dont really have a close relationship to talk about things, when i was 16 i approached her to ask how she died and she said i wasnt old enough to know. That was the end of that conversation.

Then when i was 18 i found some newspaper clippings poking out of a box in our study room and i decided to see what they were. Low and behold they were about my fathers death, saying how he died and where he was and what he was doing. It was also then, via the newspaper clipping, that i found out that my dad had a son with another woman. It then dawned upon me that it means i have an older half-brother.

I dont know how to tell my mom i know how my dad died and question her about my half-brother, she nor anybody else has ever mentioned a word to me about it and i feel betrayed by them. Its playing on my mind but i dont want to cause an argument with my family and resent them for keeping my fathers death and my brother from me. I desperately want to find my brother but the newspaper never mentioned his, nor his mothers name..

How do i cope with this secret? its tearing me up inside.

Reply 1

Jubz1

You can use one of those ancestry websites, just use your dad's name

Reply 2

username1210437

This sort of information is both a blessing and a curse.

However, you can't keep this information to yourself forever, I mean it just shows that right now you are trying to find ways of letting this information escape. This is not good for you, or your mum. Perhaps she feels ashamed, embarrassed, maybe all these years she has felt guilty for some foolish reason, and it was fate that you were attracted to these newspapers. If your mother didn't want you to find them, surely she would of burnt them or something. Part of her wanted to keep them, and risk the chance of you finding them, and you have to ask yourself why?

My situation with not as big as yours, but I found out that I had a father via Facebook and it took 5 years until his side of the family knew, and that's because I traced his father's address. I wrote a letter, and you know what? I feel so much better. We don't talk hardly, but it's that idea that a secret has been let loose. I'm no longer a secret anymore to my Father, and I have the control. I'm no longer isolated in worry or fear of what will happen, or that I was never known about on my father's side. They know he has a daughter in England, and I have closure.

My advice to you; tell your mother. Sit her down calmly, and smile. It's hard, but you need to be at peace with this information. Just tell her what you found. She might be angry, and it's natural for her to feel like this. You need closure. You need to not worry. It's scary, and you have a lot of weight on your shoulders, and you damn sure don't have to take advice from a stranger from TheStudentRoom, but trust me, I know from personal experiences that once a secret has let out, there is that fear at first of what will happen, the fact that you don't want things to change, but soon after you will feel so much better.

Just tell your family about what you found. Word of advice though.. when looking for family members TRY not to have high expectations. I did. I thought I would get the Dad I always wanted, the relationship you see in the movies.. the big happy re-union. It just doesn't work like that, at least not always. You're over 18, you're a young man or woman.. it's harder when you're older. It's a shame your mother didn't tell you when you were young. So, all I'm saying is, when you find them, please just don't expect a big family re-union where everyone is jumping for joy.. you might get hurt. Just be content with the family you have now, and have the frame of mind thinking "I just want closure. I want to meet this half-brother of mine and if anything happens, it happens."

I think you will be okay :smile: