The Student Room Group

I cheated

Hello everyone. I've been going through this website and I found it amazing. Actually, I've read a lot of posts about girls having cheated on their boyfriends and some very helpful answers. I need to tell mine, because it's really making me lose sleep. So here it goes:
I've had this friend like, since forever. We've known each other since very little from school, he was actually ''my boyfriend'' when we were kids. I've moved from that school to another and the next year he moved to the one I went to. We finished school together. By that time, we had this little group of friends, two girls (me and my best girl friend) and him and other 2 of his best friends. We got pretty close because we all played this mmorpg ''WoW''.Let's call him Peter. So, one of Peter's best friend fell deep in love with me and went through a really rough time after I told him we were going to remain friends only. They were all aware of his feelings for me. I had this other boyfriend at that time which made him crazier. When I broke up with that boyfriend I got really bad. He was my first serious relationship and the one whom I lost my virginity to. Some months passed and with a brainwash I had I got over it. And theeeen the story with Peter began. We kissed. He told me he was in love with me all of his life (he never had a girlfriend, besides me when we were kids, and he never kissed any girl) I actually suspected he was gay .-. Anyway, it happened to be that his best friend was still in love with me, and, to make matters worse, my best friend had a thing for Peter too since a long time. We decided to go through all of that, because of what we felt. I really felt something strong for him. I was decided to give love one more try after that hell of a big disappointment, decided to give a chance to him, because I knew how good was his heart, he was such a good person, and that is what I've always admired of him. So in that same year (this year) I've moved to another city to try for Med college. I was actually going to live with his older sister (our parents made all the agreement, payed the appartment and then canceled it all because he was going to move in too) I was not upset about it, at least we were going to be in the same city. He went there for me. All of this months we've been going out together, almost everyday after my classes we had launch, we hang out, and slept together. It was pure happines.
Here comes the thing. When I got into Med school (june4th), after all those 4 months of hard work, we went to celebrate with my classmates to a party. I got so drunk, I didn't wanted to reject any ''shot'' invitation because I was sort of trying to fit in. I came from another city and sometimes it hurted when the classmates made plans that didn't include me. So I drank, a lot. And there was this guy. I went outside of the party and he followed me, and he grabbed me and we kissed. I kissed him back. I DONT KNOW WHY. I got scared someone could see and went back to the party. Actually, his older sister also got into med college and she was in that party. So I didn't wanted her to find out. You may be thinking I'm so stupid and a slut, but I'm worse. I went out of the party again, hoping he'd follow me, and he did. We kissed again. And I went back inside. Peter's sister saw how that guy was trying to grab me inside of the party too, but I kept on rejecting him. His sister told him that, an a few weeks later Peter asked me about it. I lied. I f***ing lied. I couldnt tell him. I just said the other boy was very drunk and he wanted to kiss me but he didn't.

Here is the why:
Peter worships me. Literally. I'm his first and only love. He always keeps saying he can't believe how perfect I am, and how lucky he is. And how much I helped him (I actually did) I changed all of his bad ways and gave him motivation, and made him see he had responsabilities. (he barely finished school, was always playing games and just spending his mother's money) He suffered a lot with his parents divorce when he was a kid. His father cheated a lot on his mother and talked about it with his son like ''look, what a badass your father is''. His father has other family now, and they're with his mother, she treats him like a baby... She actually loves me, a lot. She treats me like a baby too. She's the best woman I know.
He is very very veeeery sentimental. Very paranoid, I couldn't even get him a birthday surprise without him getting depressed thinking I forgot his birthday. He gets so upset and sad, really sad to the point of crying when he thinks too much about the posibilities of me getting back with my ex-boyfriend, or about changing him for another person. He actually got upset when my girl friend kissed me in the mouth... We used to do that since forever.
I'm aware of how awful this sounds, but I know he will forgive me almost anything. Because he doesn't want to lose me. But I don't want to lose him either. He means too much for me. I've never ever cheated on anybody and I thought I had it all under control and that I would never do something like that. Now I swear to myself I will never do it again. This keeps haunting me since a week ago. I dream about the party and that guy. I don't even like him too much. He was very handsome and smart and mr popular guy but he seem too arrogant and vain to me. I've been planning him a birthday surprise. And he got so incredibly happy. I got so incredibly happy seeing him happy. Makes me feel guilty, you know, making the mistake that could make all that happiness go away.
We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, since we're not ready to get that label, I'm not ready to introduce him to my family (since my d***head ex told my parents after I broke up with him, that I smoked weed with Peter). But I feel like we are, I feel the commitment, and I don't have any interest in any other man. I know how much he is going to suffer if I tell him the truth. I think I'd prefer to die suffocated in guilt and suffer myself for the mistake I made than giving him such pain.

I'd really appreciate your opinion. Thank on my knees for you having read this, and I'd like to apologize for my grammar, english is not my main language
Thank you a lot

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My advice is to tell him the whole situation. Tell him how much he means to you and tell him about how it happened and tell him how sorry you feel. If it was at a party and his sister was there, there's an excellent chance that someone will find out, plus, if the other guy is as arrogant as you say, he'll probably tell people about it anyway. You should tell Peter and hope he forgives you.
Good luck.
Reply 2
Didn't read it. But if you cheated, you need to tell the person. You don't deserve them.
Reply 3
nobody is going to read that
Reply 4
Original post by james1211
nobody is going to read that


True dat :yep: Cba for that m8.
Don't tell him man.
you were a muppet. Now deal with it.
Reply 7
I read every word you wrote and personally I agree with what 99DeadBaboons said,he is right ,its always better for both of you to let him know everything from you than others.Try to teach him not to be so sentimental with patience.You are such a nice girl and he is really lucky. I think he will be grateful when he knows your heart and what you have done for him,he will do much more for you.
Was it only kissing? cbf reading it
You should be honest about it, I'd be really hurt if I was the guy and may have trouble trusting you, but maybe not if you reassure him lots. :smile: good luck.
If it's only kissing then he might forgive you, but why can't people not just cheat? I mean, being really drunk doesn't make you forget about anyone, he's gunna be really insecure every time you go out on your own now, you don't deserve him :/
Humans have a short attention span. Work on how to do short summary of a story
Jeeze, sucks.
This is going to cause years of serious insecurity and paranoia. He's going to become insanely jealous and terrified of you leaving him at every turn.

I don't know, it's rough. If you had been together for a number of years and he had matured to a point where he was much more stable, sure of himself, secure in your relationship and had resolved some of the issues left by his parent's divorce - then you would be in a better place to get through it together. Part of me almost thinks that if there is no way of him finding out, and you are certain you would never do anything like this again and you and him have serious longevity, then you could be forgiven for postponing telling him until he is in that much better stronger position. So that he has years of security and progress to take into account while he digests the news that when you were first going out, you did kiss someone else at a party and you were too scared of destroying everything you had to tell him.

On the other hand, you will have to tell him and work through it together anyway no matter what - rebuild a strong relationship from a difficult starting point. Because it is something you did, so it is something you have to face. Postponing it adds the extra terribleness of having knowingly not told him for however long - and in your case it would be years before his issues improved, so that's a lot of time to perpetuate a lie. Not good. I have a - previously, although still to some degree - extremely sensitive, insecure devoted fiance myself.
I personally would tell him now, it might **** things up and will take a long time and a lot of effort to help him recover. Nothing you can really do though, he will probably pick up on something being off - there'll be a guilt inside you. Someone from the party might even know/have seen and then you would have to lie even further to deny it which is terrible. In fact thinking about it in relation to my own fiance is awful, I can understand freaking out and lying at first our of sheer fear of the consequences about to tower down on you but I would have to tell him.

Rough. What's wrong with you man, you knew all this. Being drunk really doesn't make you forget how much you love him or all the serious consequences of your actions - it can just also make them more enticing than if you were sober, but that doesn't mean you give in and do it thinking 'well.. I'm drunk so.. I want to.. so.. I can pretend I forgot about him'.
I don't understand, but what's done is done so... Good luck, I guess... If you do truly care about him and will work for your relationship.
Reply 13
Original post by ldsbabe
Didn't read it. But if you cheated, you need to tell the person. You don't deserve them.


This is like Jason Derulo.

I listen to the radio, or go into the union and it's always on and repeated over and over again during the day.

On TSR, this "you cheated, you don't deserve him/her" is just wearing me down with its monotony. Find something new to say, because this is old.
Tl;dr
Reply 15
Original post by AmyO3
(paraphrased) Got drunk at med school party and kissed a bloke. Feel guilty.


Ok, I've switched on the slut-o-meter, and you barely make make it past 1/10.

I don't know if you're a Catholic. I'm certainly not a priest. But right now, I'm making a sign of a cross, and I absolve you from your sins.

As contrition, you are required to never make a thread like this again.
Reply 16
Original post by Ribbits
Jeeze, sucks.
This is going to cause years of serious insecurity and paranoia. He's going to become insanely jealous and terrified of you leaving him at every turn.

I don't know, it's rough. If you had been together for a number of years and he had matured to a point where he was much more stable, sure of himself, secure in your relationship and had resolved some of the issues left by his parent's divorce - then you would be in a better place to get through it together. Part of me almost thinks that if there is no way of him finding out, and you are certain you would never do anything like this again and you and him have serious longevity, then you could be forgiven for postponing telling him until he is in that much better stronger position. So that he has years of security and progress to take into account while he digests the news that when you were first going out, you did kiss someone else at a party and you were too scared of destroying everything you had to tell him.

On the other hand, you will have to tell him and work through it together anyway no matter what - rebuild a strong relationship from a difficult starting point. Because it is something you did, so it is something you have to face. Postponing it adds the extra terribleness of having knowingly not told him for however long - and in your case it would be years before his issues improved, so that's a lot of time to perpetuate a lie. Not good. I have a - previously, although still to some degree - extremely sensitive, insecure devoted fiance myself.
I personally would tell him now, it might **** things up and will take a long time and a lot of effort to help him recover. Nothing you can really do though, he will probably pick up on something being off - there'll be a guilt inside you. Someone from the party might even know/have seen and then you would have to lie even further to deny it which is terrible. In fact thinking about it in relation to my own fiance is awful, I can understand freaking out and lying at first our of sheer fear of the consequences about to tower down on you but I would have to tell him.

Rough. What's wrong with you man, you knew all this. Being drunk really doesn't make you forget how much you love him or all the serious consequences of your actions - it can just also make them more enticing than if you were sober, but that doesn't mean you give in and do it thinking 'well.. I'm drunk so.. I want to.. so.. I can pretend I forgot about him'.
I don't understand, but what's done is done so... Good luck, I guess... If you do truly care about him and will work for your relationship.


Thank you so much. You're the real mvp!
The chances of him founding out by some other person are very little, almost none. I am never going to do it again. I do think it's better to work out his self securities issues first. Getting him to know how I really feel about him and how much he means to me ( I haven't really done it, in opposite to him, I'm not very sentimental)
I do have hopes for this going very long. And I'm going to show him he won't regret being with someone like me in spite of that one mistake I made
Thanks a lot
Reply 17
Yawn.
Reply 18
Original post by Lebid
I read every word you wrote and personally I agree with what 99DeadBaboons said,he is right ,its always better for both of you to let him know everything from you than others.Try to teach him not to be so sentimental with patience.You are such a nice girl and he is really lucky. I think he will be grateful when he knows your heart and what you have done for him,he will do much more for you.

Thank you so much for reading it
Reply 19
Original post by The vampire
Was it only kissing? cbf reading it


Yes. Stupidly kissing :s

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