Can you be too honest in relationships?

A few of us were talking about this in another thread. It ended in quite a heated debate, so I think it's worth having a proper conversation about here. :smile:

Should you be completely honest in your relationship? Or are a few white lies okay?

Do you think it's possible to be too honest?

Where do you draw the line?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Alfissti

A white lie is still a lie.

Honesty in a relationship is important but sometimes it pays to not reveal too much.

Reply 2

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by Alfissti

A white lie is still a lie.

Honesty in a relationship is important but sometimes it pays to not reveal too much.

When do you think you should hold back...?

Do you think not saying something is the same as being dishonest...?

Reply 3

Dinaa

No its best to be 100% honest.

Reply 4

Coxy124

I don't think there is such a thing as being too honest in a relationship, however there is a difference between being honest and not saying things that don't need to be said.

Reply 5

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by Coxy124

however there is a difference between being honest and not saying things that don't need to be said.

I agree, although I think there a lots of people who don't think there's a difference.

Reply 6

455409

Witholding some stuff is absolutely necessary. There are things that are bound to upset you or your partner that need not be said. I had a dream last night that I cheated on my partner. Would I ever do that? No way in hell, never even consciously thought about it, but if i told her she'd get upset and rightly so. What would telling her achieve?

Reply 7

Coxy124

Original post by Puddles the Monkey

I agree, although I think there a lots of people who don't think there's a difference.

I can see what you mean. I maintain honesty in my relationships completely but there is a difference between honesty and just being blunt. So things like worries or problems in the relationship should be openly and honestly discussed in a relationship as communication is key. But things like "Oh I hate your Mother" (Hypothetically speaking in case my girlfriend reads this haha) are unnecessary.

Reply 8

AbdulKoyes

Hmm, maybe don't reveal your entire hand e.g. if you watch depraved videos and get a kick out of it, maybe don't mention that..

Reply 9

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by Coxy124

I guess it's about working out what's important and what's not important, and being honest about the important stuff?

Although if you really hate her mother, that might be important. :wink:

Reply 10

Coxy124

Original post by Puddles the Monkey

I guess it's about working out what's important and what's not important, and being honest about the important stuff?

Although if you really hate her mother, that might be important. :wink:

No I don't haha, her family is lovely.

Reply 11

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by AbdulKoyes

Hmm, maybe don't reveal your entire hand e.g. if you watch depraved videos and get a kick out of it, maybe don't mention that..

Hm, well that depends. What kind of videos?

Depending on what they are that could lead to a huge feeling of betrayal if your SO later discovers you've been looking at these things and you've kept that part of yourself hidden.

Reply 12

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by Coxy124

No I don't haha, her family is lovely.

Well saved :wink:

Reply 13

Over2you

Original post by Alfissti

A white lie is still a lie.

Honesty in a relationship is important but sometimes it pays to not reveal too much.

It's a shame it has to be this way. The whole point of a relationship is to be as open as possible. Obviously how open you are depends on the longevity of your relationship, whether you're married etc etc.

Reply 14

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by Over2you

I don't think it has to be this way... does it?

Reply 15

Over2you

Original post by Puddles the Monkey

I don't think it has to be this way... does it?

This was quite possibly the quickest reply i have ever received to a message haha.

I guess what i was trying to say is that it's a shame the guy feels "it pays not to be too honest". I don't think that's a general rule. Was just applying it to the poster.

Reply 16

chocolatesauce

I think its better to be honest since it's going to come out anyway and the sooner it comes out the better :smile:

Reply 17

Puddles the Monkey

Original post by Over2you

Ahh I see. :smile:

I wonder if it gets easier to be more honest and open as you get older and more experienced in relationships?

Reply 18

Over2you

Original post by Puddles the Monkey

Ahh I see. :smile:

I wonder if it gets easier to be more honest and open as you get older and more experienced in relationships?

which is exactly what i believe/was trying to say :biggrin:

Reply 19

miser

I think it's possible to be too honest in that there are occasions where being truthful is both unnecessary and annoying. For example, if someone mentions something trivial about you that is slightly inaccurate, correcting that person for the sake of it is unhelpful.

However, when it comes to white lies or allowing people to become deceived when it's to your benefit (when honesty is expected), that's not a good idea in my opinion and I think doing that is unethical. Personally I aim to tell the truth 100% of the time. The only times where I find myself lying tend to be at work to cover up some short-coming of my behaviour to protect my career, but I'd like to be stricter on this as well.

In relationships I'm especially honest. Trust is the very foundation of a relationship and I won't erode at it for the sake of avoiding things that might hurt feelings. Relationships can survive people getting hurt feelings - they can't survive loss of trust. But aside from that, as I said above I think it's unethical to lie to people when they expect the truth.

I wouldn't tell someone she "doesn't look fat in that dress" if I thought she did. I wouldn't go out my way to tell her that but if she pressed me I wouldn't lie about it. If her self-esteem is really so fragile as to be reliant on white lies then she has bigger problems than an honest partner and should address them. I wouldn't be helping her by being dishonest.

I'd add that I find being open to people difficult. I don't try to deceive people but I don't necessarily like talking about my feelings either.