I once completed destroyed my underwear and trousers. I was 12 and was going with my family to view a house. It took 4 hours to get there, all the while I needed to go but there was no opportunity to at any point (public transport). I had eaten some that 'salad sprinkle' stuff the night before, you know, the little pumpkin and sunflower seeds stuff, and it really did not agree with me.
Anyway, I'm doing my best to hold it in, but I'm reaching the limit of human fortitude after 4 hours of what is probably the closest that a man can get to labour pains. We're almost there, just walking through the back streets to the house when my body gives way to the impending storm. I was mortified. I was several hours from home, in a strange place with pants and trousers full of very strong-smelling s**t. I had failed. At that moment, in vain, I closed my eyes and wished so hard that it was the next morning, when the inevitable embarrassment and hardship I was about to face was already over.
Luckily, the man who was showing us the property was patient enough to wait while I used the house's bathroom and attempted to wash the mess off myself and finish up as I was
nowhere near done (though he did not understand the full extent of what had happened: he thought I had an upset stomach). I then walked downwind of everyone else until we reached a retail park, where my Mum bought me some new trousers that I changed into in the M&S toilets.
I don't eat salad sprinkle anymore.
Top that