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I can't forgive my brother.. but my family has.

My brother abused me physically for about 4 years and was violent towards me for as long as I can remember (he is autistic by the way). I was trapped with a knife to my neck on several occasions, strangled to the point of passing out, was hit with golf clubs and punched. He now has a terminal illness and my family have completely forgiven him for all of the damage he did to me. His violence has caused me to have so many *******s such as depression and anxiety, and I feel like he ruined my life. I am scared of him, but am still expected to go to family occasions where he is present. I am made to feel guilty for not going to birthdays etc. Everyone else has forgotten about the abuse except for me.. It's as if it never happened and I overreacted or deserved it. What can I do? Why do I have to be away from my family when it's not my fault? Will I have to go to his funeral? :frown:
Hi
Thank you for your message. I am really sorry to hear about what you have experienced. It sounds awful and must be really upsetting and traumatic. You experienced severe abuse and autism should not be an excuse for this. What happened at the time when this went on? How did your family react? He probably needed support back then to cope with how he was feeling and to learn how to deal with frustrations just as you desperately needed protecting and a chance to talk about how you felt and how to keep you safe.
Am I right that you don't live at home now? Is there anyone in your family that you feel you could talk to? I guess his illness may have taken over everything else and you feel that what you went through has been ignored. You certainly did not over-react or deserve it. You did nothing wrong.
I really feel you need some support - there are lots of services out there that can help - http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/online-advice/adults-abused-in-childhood/adults-abused-in-childhood_wda87228.html

This link should help and they have a free helpline, text and email service. I think speaking to someone about this will help you deal with what happened and cope with things now.

I hope this helps,
take care
Jo

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