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Slept with a guy who has a girlfriend.. what do I do now?

I met him about a month ago at work, liked him from the start but found out he had a girlfriend and tried to keep a reasonable distance. He was always really lovely and quite flirty with me but it always felt pretty harmless.

anyway... we went out after work last night, we stayed together most of the night and he kept buying me drinks. one of my friends commented that it seemed like he really liked/wanted me. and sure enough we ended up going home together and slept together. I know this is a dangerous topic to bring up on TSR but it's worth mentioning that though I did probably quite openly fancy him, I was so drunk towards the end of the night and I don't remember going home or how it started and I barely remember the actual sex itself... so I do find it a bit weird that he'd still sleep with me even in that state... but then again I don't know if I was encouraging it, or what. (also worth mentioning I hardly ever drink excessively and this is the first time I've ever been that drunk, I don't make a habit of it, it was entirely accidental from too many cocktails!)

I feel horrible now because I never intended to actually do anything, and because I don't know if it's more my fault or his, I don't know if I should say anything to him or what? I don't know if he's going to ignore me now or act like it didn't happen, and I'm just not sure what I should do. Should I bring it up and acknowledge it or just pretend like it never happened?!

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Reply 1
btw, he and the girlfriend are quite serious, been together 18 months ish and live together.
say sorry to his girlfriend? :confused:
Reply 3
Send them a postcard.
Reply 4
Was he drunk?
And sounds like he plyed you with drink in the hope that you won't remember then shagged you
"I know that you have a girlfriend and therefore what we did was morally wrong, however, it is up to you to let her know or not."

I'd say that's your best port of call.
Reply 6
Using the classic "I was too drunk to say no" line won't save you now. Either keep your mouth shut or implicate yourself when you tell his GF.
Sounds like he got you drunk so he could take advantage.
Reply 8
Original post by ryan9900
Sounds like he got you drunk so he could take advantage.


That's what I thought but didn't know whether I should phrase it like you did.
Reply 9
i don't reckon cheating is wrong, but then it's understandable you feel guilty.

Perhaps come clean with her?
don't get involved, it's none of your business what his relationship with his gf is like.
don't try and make meanings and messages out of nothing, you got drunk, had sex, end of.
If you like him so much you want to get into a relationship with him, thats another topic, but as for the "he is cheating" thing, ignore it and don't probe.
Original post by Qari
That's what I thought but didn't know whether I should phrase it like you did.


I tend to say it how it is.
Original post by ryan9900
I tend to say it how it is.


bit of both though, sounds like she got a bit drunk so he could take advantage too
Nothing.
As long as the GF isn't a friend of yours then you have no responsibility to her.
If it was me I'd act like it never happened. It's probably best for everyone.
You could tell his gf, she deserves to know, especially since they're living together abd it's serious.
Reply 16
If I was the gf I'd greatly appreciate you telling me.

And if that had been me in your situation I would've told her. She deserves to know.
Original post by Anonymous
I met him about a month ago at work, liked him from the start but found out he had a girlfriend and tried to keep a reasonable distance. He was always really lovely and quite flirty with me but it always felt pretty harmless.

anyway... we went out after work last night, we stayed together most of the night and he kept buying me drinks. one of my friends commented that it seemed like he really liked/wanted me. and sure enough we ended up going home together and slept together. I know this is a dangerous topic to bring up on TSR but it's worth mentioning that though I did probably quite openly fancy him, I was so drunk towards the end of the night and I don't remember going home or how it started and I barely remember the actual sex itself... so I do find it a bit weird that he'd still sleep with me even in that state... but then again I don't know if I was encouraging it, or what. (also worth mentioning I hardly ever drink excessively and this is the first time I've ever been that drunk, I don't make a habit of it, it was entirely accidental from too many cocktails!)

I feel horrible now because I never intended to actually do anything, and because I don't know if it's more my fault or his, I don't know if I should say anything to him or what? I don't know if he's going to ignore me now or act like it didn't happen, and I'm just not sure what I should do. Should I bring it up and acknowledge it or just pretend like it never happened?!


I never understand people who encourage people in these situations to keep it quiet. I'd definitely want to know if my boyfriend had cheated on me. If I was in your situation, I'd talk to him first about it and if he wasn't willing to tell her, I would.
I was drunk so I ran over an old lady. I was drunk so I stole a loaf of bread from the store. I was drunk so I decided to punch an annoying child in the face. But it's all ok, because I was drunk. I didn't mean to... it was the drink.
Reply 19
In my book he is the one who is the morality free zone. Since you are single and don't know his gf I don't believe much can be laid at your door. It's what you do next that really matters.

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