When I was growing up, my parents had a very bad relationship. They would regularly argue, and sometimes this would escalate into threats of violence from my father and then sometimes physical violence. I honestly think this had a big impact on me growing up: I used to cry quite frequently, which gave me a strange reputation at school, self-harm, and then I began to get chest pain and experience panic attacks in sixth form, which I didn't think was related but then suddenly went away when I went to university.
My parents now live separately but still see each other, and my mother turns to me to complain about her relationship, which I find difficult to deal with. I have tried to explain the effect of their relationship on me once in the past, which I found really, really difficult, but when I have she got really angry and says I should stop blaming everything on their relationship (which was a strange response to me since I'd never brought it up before).
My mother has experienced anxiety and depression, and sometimes I think this can manifest itself in being very critical of me, in a way which I've learnt recently from my friends is very overly critical and excessive. She's upset that I don't come to visit her more often but I find it very hard to live with her when she acts like this. My father has anger management issues and is generally very emotionally distant, so I find it quite hard to live with him either, but he lives in the area I lived in growing up. At the moment I'm staying with my sister, but then I'm quite far away from my friends and I'm not sure it's an option in the long term.
Should I seek counselling or other help for what happened when I was growing up? Is it still worth doing it now their relationship has cooled and I'm at university? And what should I do about living with my parents in the holidays or confronting my mother about her relationship now?