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I am beginning to have doubts...

Hello Jo

I am very worried right now.

Long story short but my counselors are concerned about my younger siblings after I expressed my past - I was abused in childhood. As a result, they think that getting the social services is the action to take but they are aware that my safety is paramount and they need to handle this sensitively.

Other professionals I have previously seen about the abuse - doctors, CBT therapist, etc - has also expressed the same concern and have wither tried to get the social services involved or wanted to.

I am seeing one of my counselors at the moment and the plan is to get the social services involved when I go back to university in September - unless anything happens to my siblings now, then in that case the social services will have to get involved now.

The 1st plan is what we are sticking to for now, and I have been seeing my counselor since I came home for the holidays. I was hoping that the referral made could made anonymous so that my parents would not know that I was the one behind the whole thing. My counselor has been trying to find this out for me and he has been trying to get clarity. The social services have not been clear about things but he has the impression that he would not be able to make an anonymous referral as he is making the referral as a professional. Also, the whole process and the laws surrounding social services makes everything complicated.

I am starting to have doubts because I am worried that if the referral is made, I could be potential danger. However, I promised myself and my counselors that I would co-operate and I would be on board with the whole thing - as long as this situation could be handled sensitively and I would not be exposed in any way as the person behind this situation. At the same time I was also hoping to cut off contact from my parents in the future and I thought getting the social services involved would be one way to do this.

Also, my counselor and I are aware that there have been changes in the law in terms of safeguarding - if a professional knew that a child was at risk but did nothing then they could be criminally liable. So if my counselor did nothing then he could be in trouble.

I know if could opt out of the whole thing but I am often having therapy and receiving support after what happened to me, and I know that every professional I speak to will first and foremost want to get the social services involved, so the safeguarding issue is not something anyone can avoid, even if I try to keep my mouth shut. Almost every single professional I have ever spoken to has always mentioned getting the social services involved.

I feel disappointed in myself. I want to do something but I am scared of the outcomes. But I don't want to let myself down or my counselor down. Even though I kind of have a plan in place I am still scared of the outcomes.

I also don't want to let my friend down. She knows about this situation and she has said "don't give up, be persistent, do the right thing, and get some support along the way." I am not normally a quitter but I am so worried about this whole situation that I feel like giving up even though I don't want to.

What do I do now?

Just to add, there have been 3 referrals to the social services. The first 2 times my parents did not know about. The third referral was after I tried to take my life at the age of 17. The doctors at the hospital had to make a referral because it was part of their procedures, and because they became extremely concerned for my siblings and I.
Hi
I'm really glad you got in touch. Sorry for the delay - I have been seeking advice about whether you can make an anonymous referral but so far I have not had a reply.

Firstly I am sorry to hear that you suffered abuse, and I am glad you are getting counselling to help you with that. It is hard, but any professional who knows that abuse has occurred and that other younger children may be at risk does have a duty to report this. Please do not feel like you are letting anyone down. You are the person this happened to, and you are the one who needs support. I feel that you have been really brave. I understand why you may feel like giving up, it's a really daunting thing to go through and it must feel like the decisions are being taken out of your hands.

Make sure you keep talking to your counsellor and getting the support you need. Are you able to access counselling when you get back to uni?
The most important thing is the safety and wellbeing of you and your siblings. It is hard for me to say what the outcome will be, but it sounds like it is important for your siblings to be protected.

I was concerned to read that you tried to take your own life. How are you feeling now? If you ever feel like this again, please contact this organisation as they are brilliant and are there to help people under 35 who are feeling suicidal. You can contact them in several ways:


http://www.papyrus-uk.org/
HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
email: [email protected]
SMS: 07786 209697

I hope this helps, please come back anytime if you need to talk more, you can always send me a private message as well.
take care
Jo

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