BF pressured me to have sex and I said no. And he is secretly happy.

I was dating this guy for a few months and he was starting to really pressure me to have sex. I was really uncomfortable and I didn't like the way he was treating me. So I ended it with him and told him that I wanted to save my virginity for something long-lasting and serious. Also, he's going to be going abroad for a year in several months, so our relationship would not have lasted long. I did not think it would be worth bringing sex into the relationship, which would be serious.

I ended the relationship due to the fact that I wasn't willing to have sex. He wasn't happy and found it difficult.

But here's the funny thing, I saw that he had texted one of his friends, and he told her: 'I'm actually really happy she said no. It shows that she respects herself enough to not let herself be used for sex.'

When he saw that I saw that text, he was really embarrassed and tried to cover it up but it was too late.

I'm obviously glad, but I find it odd that he would pressure me so much, if he knew it wouldn't be good for me. Can someone explain?

Reply 1

llys

17

Original post by Trottoir

I'm obviously glad, but I find it odd that he would pressure me so much, if he knew it wouldn't be good for me. Can someone explain?

He wanted sex. He tried to get sex any way he could think of legally. That's all there is to it. (Paying you a roundabout compliment after failing in his attempt to use you for sex doesn't make him a nice person.)

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

Elm Tree

13

Original post by Trottoir

But here's the funny thing, I saw that he had texted one of his friends, and he told her: 'I'm actually really happy she said no. It shows that she respects herself enough to not let herself be used for sex.'

When he saw that I saw that text, he was really embarrassed and tried to cover it up but it was too late.

I'm obviously glad, but I find it odd that he would pressure me so much, if he knew it wouldn't be good for me. Can someone explain?

He probably wasn't thinking about what was best for you...

Reply 3

llys

17

Also, how come you saw the text?

Reply 4

Trottoir

OP

14

He had an argument with his flatmates and he was showing me the messages from them, then i accidently went to one of them and saw that he was talking about me to one of them.

Reply 5

Sigma44

1

His little brother thinks one thing, his brains thinks another. That's all there is to it.

Reply 6

TroyAndAbed

14

Was all an elaborate ruse to try & get you to take him back so he can do the nasty with you.

Reply 7

CryptoidAlien

3

Good on you keep your kegs closed for a loyal, hard working white dude.

Reply 8

ModernScholar

10

What's the point in saving your virginity? What's the point for you, I mean.

Reply 9

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by CryptoidAlien

Good on you keep your kegs closed for a loyal, hard working white dude.

Lol @ kegs.

Also, lol @ the general sentiment of your post.

Reply 10

TheAnusFiles

9

Original post by Trottoir

I was dating this guy for a few months and he was starting to really pressure me to have sex. I was really uncomfortable and I didn't like the way he was treating me. So I ended it with him and told him that I wanted to save my virginity for something long-lasting and serious. Also, he's going to be going abroad for a year in several months, so our relationship would not have lasted long. I did not think it would be worth bringing sex into the relationship, which would be serious.

I ended the relationship due to the fact that I wasn't willing to have sex. He wasn't happy and found it difficult.

But here's the funny thing, I saw that he had texted one of his friends, and he told her: 'I'm actually really happy she said no. It shows that she respects herself enough to not let herself be used for sex.'

When he saw that I saw that text, he was really embarrassed and tried to cover it up but it was too late.

I'm obviously glad, but I find it odd that he would pressure me so much, if he knew it wouldn't be good for me. Can someone explain?

Either

a) he regretted his actions which is entirely plausible.
b) he was trying to cover for himself

Reply 11

Joshale

19

his urges, whilst being really horny got the better off him in a sense he pressured you to have it? and when he wasn't horny came to his senses he acted wrong.

Reply 12

MidnightDream

16

He may have been serious but I think he was just patching up his ego

Reply 13

MrSuavetopia

19

He's just trying to save face and act like he cared about you just to seem decent.

Reply 14

Ribbits

15

What a horrible person.

It's not decent to try and persuade someone to do something they don't want to that you would then also respect them less for - but not yourself.
There is nothing more offensively off-putting to me than a person (man or woman) who wants to sleep with someone but doesn't respect them. The level of egotistical harmful ignorance needed is hideous. Whether it's casual or not, respect is essential. Accepting someone is a different kind of person to you, appreciating that, and still enjoying sleeping with them as a shared choice because of physical attraction is very very different to having a fling without respect despite you being equal part in the very act you condemn them for.

Unfortunately, it's not really his fault per se for being so ignorantly abusive in his thinking and it doesn't actually mean he's a horrible person, all people do bad things without realising. It's relatively widespread and accepted. Lots of people are just conditioned to believe that it's okay or right by the fact so many other people also think and behave this way so it's 'normal/natural'. They personally gain from manipulating others against their will to be used for pleasure without respect for the individual as a person. But they don't see it that way - they see it as them doing nothing wrong, instead just the other person failing and not being worthy enough. How disgustingly horrible, they really don't realise or see it for what it is.

They think that if they like the person they are sleeping with still (as a temporary partner until they eventually find someone to marry or whatever), aren't cruel to them in ways their warped minds would still actually be able to recognise as cruelty and consider them nice enough then it's not bad or wrong to also just still see the partner as being less valuable than themselves and others who wouldn't have slept with them. They don't see the reeking hypocrisy or how that's actually much worse than just being overtly hateful about the person and not being involved with them. To my mind, anyway. I would much sooner be hated and avoided by someone than liked but disrespected and used.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 15

Patrick Gekko

10

Are you serious? What a horrible person?

He sounds like a decent person to me. Most guys love a shy girl, sexually, because nowadays the average girl/woman can be seduced in minutes, especially in the west. Chances are, in some ways, he was testing you.

So yes, of course he wanted sex, he's a guy, and it is fair enough that he pushed you a little. But he didn't push you too much, and seemingly respected your decision.

He knows a good girl. Which is more than can be said for most of the population, who would probably be extremely annoyed if you didn't give him sex.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 16

Truflais

20

Original post by Trottoir

I was dating this guy for a few months and he was starting to really pressure me to have sex. I was really uncomfortable and I didn't like the way he was treating me. So I ended it with him and told him that I wanted to save my virginity for something long-lasting and serious. Also, he's going to be going abroad for a year in several months, so our relationship would not have lasted long. I did not think it would be worth bringing sex into the relationship, which would be serious.

I ended the relationship due to the fact that I wasn't willing to have sex. He wasn't happy and found it difficult.

But here's the funny thing, I saw that he had texted one of his friends, and he told her: 'I'm actually really happy she said no. It shows that she respects herself enough to not let herself be used for sex.'

When he saw that I saw that text, he was really embarrassed and tried to cover it up but it was too late.

I'm obviously glad, but I find it odd that he would pressure me so much, if he knew it wouldn't be good for me. Can someone explain?

Original post by llys

He wanted sex. He tried to get sex any way he could think of legally. That's all there is to it. (Paying you a roundabout compliment after failing in his attempt to use you for sex doesn't make him a nice person.)

This tbh. Sounds like he did want to have sex, then when he didn't get it he felt he had to justify it to his friends in some way.

Reply 17

JackBlack

13

I assume he wanted to appear superior to the person he was messaging. Saying he got rejected by a 'slut' is much worse than saying he got rejected by a person with respect for themselves. So he picked the better option to make himself look better.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Pre-marital sex is detrimental to one's relationship. The social stigma which surrounds fornication is completely justified and more people should understand that sex is only part of marriage which serves the purpose of bringing couples closer together. Engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage poses a number of risks that include the psychological effects that ensue upon the immediate termination of the union between man and woman.