Intrusive thoughts are killing me!
I'm in a bad place right now and need help/advice. About 5-6 years ago I suffered from mental health issues, specifically psychosis along with probbably ocd and depression.
Now I'm long over those times, although depression and ocd still affects me somewhat intermittently. I still do weird things like whenever I reach the end of the road I always turn back to look behind me, or if I say words in my head sometimes I'll group into syllables of 2 like - ' watch-ing' 't-v' sort of thing. You get my drift, I still have ocd in some ways.
Now I'm going through a period of stress right now with something upcoming and also some financial strains. I'm under pressure, pressure I put on myself. My job has me totally and utterly demotivated having workd in this job for about 2 years, at the moment it's so bad I'm just turning up and totally bored out of my skull .. body is there but mind absent. Fortunately change is coming soon.
Anyways recently I've been having what after doing some google research, appears to be intrusive thoughts. Specifically, thoughts revolving around a sexual nature. That is homosexual thoughts and disgustingly thoughts about children, and these people are just random strangers. It's hard to describe it other than it's as if I force myself to think about these things and normalise it. But then I feel utterly disgusted because I don't want to think about these things, I don't want them and it doesn't leave my head when it comes in. I can go the whole day without a thought, but if I look at a kid for a few seconds I'll start to think weird things. Or when I talk to a gay guy or someone a bit metrosexual ... it's like my head will think 'this guy is gay, imagine sexual things with said gay guy'. It's liks an automatic process.
I'm finding this really hard to deal with. I almost feel like topping myself, the thoughts are horrible. I think it's due to stress. I'm terrified to speak to anyone about this in fear of wrongful judgement. I'm glad I read up on intrusive thoughts, I felt so bad. In the past things like suicide and violence often cross my mind but they are nothing compared to the sexual thoughts. For some reason the sexual thoughts are alot more powerful and overwhelming in terms of effect. I think it's because of the sense of disgust.
Do any other people suffer from these kind of thoughts and obsessive type of thinking ways? I just hope this isn't a sign of my psychosis reappearing or something
Now I'm long over those times, although depression and ocd still affects me somewhat intermittently. I still do weird things like whenever I reach the end of the road I always turn back to look behind me, or if I say words in my head sometimes I'll group into syllables of 2 like - ' watch-ing' 't-v' sort of thing. You get my drift, I still have ocd in some ways.
Now I'm going through a period of stress right now with something upcoming and also some financial strains. I'm under pressure, pressure I put on myself. My job has me totally and utterly demotivated having workd in this job for about 2 years, at the moment it's so bad I'm just turning up and totally bored out of my skull .. body is there but mind absent. Fortunately change is coming soon.
Anyways recently I've been having what after doing some google research, appears to be intrusive thoughts. Specifically, thoughts revolving around a sexual nature. That is homosexual thoughts and disgustingly thoughts about children, and these people are just random strangers. It's hard to describe it other than it's as if I force myself to think about these things and normalise it. But then I feel utterly disgusted because I don't want to think about these things, I don't want them and it doesn't leave my head when it comes in. I can go the whole day without a thought, but if I look at a kid for a few seconds I'll start to think weird things. Or when I talk to a gay guy or someone a bit metrosexual ... it's like my head will think 'this guy is gay, imagine sexual things with said gay guy'. It's liks an automatic process.
I'm finding this really hard to deal with. I almost feel like topping myself, the thoughts are horrible. I think it's due to stress. I'm terrified to speak to anyone about this in fear of wrongful judgement. I'm glad I read up on intrusive thoughts, I felt so bad. In the past things like suicide and violence often cross my mind but they are nothing compared to the sexual thoughts. For some reason the sexual thoughts are alot more powerful and overwhelming in terms of effect. I think it's because of the sense of disgust.
Do any other people suffer from these kind of thoughts and obsessive type of thinking ways? I just hope this isn't a sign of my psychosis reappearing or something
Original post by 8472
Instead of just trying to stop thinking about these things have you tried coming to an acceptance of them. You can't just stop yourself thinking about something and if you try then you end up worrying about thinking about them and it goes out of control from there.
This.
You have them precisely because you don't want to have them, if you were indifferent to those things, the thought intrusion would not be related to those things. It sounds pretty horrible I must say, but bear in my mind that it doesn't mean that you will act on these things, so let them run through in your mind as if they are nothing and see if it helps.
Pretty sure it's an common symptom of OCD, it doesn't mean he has any sexual attraction towards other men or children and it certainly doesn't mean he is going to act on it. (Not that there is anything wrong with being gay)
It sounds almost like Tourette's of the mind
It sounds almost like Tourette's of the mind
(edited 9 years ago)
