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Chumbaniya
A good demonstration of the moronically simplistic 'cheaters deserve anything they get' approach to relationships. Why is it I see cheating, no matter in what form - from a prolonged sexual relationship behind someone's back to a drunken snog - treated like a capital crime which renders a person totally undeserving of any happiness?
Indeed, I altogether fail to discern that the O.P. has actually committed any kind of moral wrong.
generalebriety
Not instantly. It's not a sort of "oh, you cheated, strike one... but I still love you till you do it twice more". But people do change. People are human and make mistakes (as you say later on). Sometimes it takes one night with another man/woman to realise that the person you're with is better than all the rest for you, I would imagine.
In one paragraph you say he is the one in the wrong, in the next you defend his position. I don't get what angle you are coming from.
generalebriety
What she did? What about what he did to his girlfriend, or what his girlfriend did to the relationship by allowing him to cheat on her as long as she didn't know about it? Don't be ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong, I think he's even worse than she is. To cheat, alone, is terrible. But, with a friends boyfriend? That's just awful.
Original post by Lο
Indeed, I altogether fail to discern that the O.P. has actually committed any kind of moral wrong.
You don't think betraying someone's trust is a moral wrong?
Rusty33
Both. If the girl involved can forgive her boyfriend to the point where she doesn't even want to know if he's cheated on her, the OP is hardly morally in the wrong, is she? Firstly, what she did was nowhere near as bad as what he did (because of situation, even though they both did the same thing
damn my English today); secondly, the other woman doesn't seem to care, and clearly distrusts her boyfriend in the first place. Sure, what the OP did isn't commendable, but I wouldn't say it was worthy of "ha you don't deserve happiness now!".The relationship is doomed from the start. There's no trust - and rightly so.
Rusty33
You don't think betraying someone's trust is a moral wrong?
Following on from my previous post - the woman obviously doesn't trust her boyfriend anyway. That's why I don't think she's committed any sort of moral wrong on a par with cheating either. Can't break trust that was never there. Again, what she did wasn't nice, but if it's cheating (and even that is debatable - whether these two people are even in a relationship is debatable), then it's cheating in the loosest, most forgivable sense of the word.
I know that what I did was horrible. I've said this before...It takes two to kiss. He doesn't seem to be suffering. A further insight into this situation:
She hates me right now. She isn't comfortable with how close we were. But now that our relationship's over, she's gone back to being normal with him whereas she treats me b*tchily. How is it fair that he goes back into a relationship whereas I'm left without anything?
The right way to deal with this, as many of you have suggested, would be to come clean to her but I can't do this. We're in a sticky situation and it would ruin things.
Just a silly rant. I guess it helped me figure out my feelings. I'm not happy seeing them happy together. I'm angry at being lonely and I know this won't go away till I find someone else. After all, the only way to take your mind off one wound is to focus on another one.
She hates me right now. She isn't comfortable with how close we were. But now that our relationship's over, she's gone back to being normal with him whereas she treats me b*tchily. How is it fair that he goes back into a relationship whereas I'm left without anything?
The right way to deal with this, as many of you have suggested, would be to come clean to her but I can't do this. We're in a sticky situation and it would ruin things.
Just a silly rant. I guess it helped me figure out my feelings. I'm not happy seeing them happy together. I'm angry at being lonely and I know this won't go away till I find someone else. After all, the only way to take your mind off one wound is to focus on another one.
Intent?! I didn't do it for revenge or any such reason.
Anyway, I'm done with this, thanks for your help everyone. Even the ones who think I should rot in hell. It made me realise that I shouldn't beat myself about it. Quite the opposite of the intended effect.
Anyway, I'm done with this, thanks for your help everyone. Even the ones who think I should rot in hell. It made me realise that I shouldn't beat myself about it. Quite the opposite of the intended effect.
He cheated on her, which shows a complete lack of respect, he could easily do it to you as well... just let it go. You'll feel like **** now but give it time, it'll ease.
To be completely honest, I don't think the OP is at fault here...Lonliness is difficult and if she was getting attention from another guy, she must have felt the need to have someone in her life and so she went along with the flirting and kissing... Even though she betrayed her friend, why should she be the only one suffering while the other guy is enjoying himself? Its not fair... I'd be angry if my friend did that to me but lonliness can drive one crazy sometimes and I'd be more angry at my boyfriend!
Hunn, I think this guy is a w*****r... get over him as I think you can do so much better... Its obvious you have desires which everyone does, so maybe you should try alternative ways to get in a relationship, such as going out more often to bars and clubs or speed dating or something...
If I were you, I'd tell my friend what happened so that the boyfriend gets dumped! And my intention wouldn't be so that I can go out with him but so he feels what you are feeling right now. But thats entirely your choice, and bare in mind it will jepordise your relationship with your friend...
Good luck!
Hunn, I think this guy is a w*****r... get over him as I think you can do so much better... Its obvious you have desires which everyone does, so maybe you should try alternative ways to get in a relationship, such as going out more often to bars and clubs or speed dating or something...
If I were you, I'd tell my friend what happened so that the boyfriend gets dumped! And my intention wouldn't be so that I can go out with him but so he feels what you are feeling right now. But thats entirely your choice, and bare in mind it will jepordise your relationship with your friend...
Good luck!
Anonymous
Oh, come on. "I didn't have a boyfriend so I felt the urge to flirt with one guy I knew was going out with someone else BUT I WAS DESPERATE SO IT'S OK!!!" Grow up.
generalebriety
Oh, come on. "I didn't have a boyfriend so I felt the urge to flirt with one guy I knew was going out with someone else BUT I WAS DESPERATE SO IT'S OK!!!" Grow up.
Or the other argument is... "I was getting attention from a guy I was attracted to so I went for it, not thinking of the consequences...after all, its just a kiss..." Don't tell me to grow up, I'm merely expressing an opinion!
Anonymous
Just need someone to talk to right now.
To cut a long story short...I cheated on a friend with her boyfriend. Yes, horrible thing to do. I know. I know it takes two to kiss but I was chased into it. I had been single for ages and fell for it easily. He gave me the impression that he wanted me and promised he'd break up with her. He didn't. We can't be together because ''he owes her too much''. So, he's with her. And I'm alone once again. The speed at which he's gotten over me shocks me. It's a month and he's back to being madly in love with her. And I still wait online for him all day, every single day. We're on holiday so we can't see each other right now.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't know if I want him because I'm lonely. I don't know if I hate her because she's with him. I feel guilty all the time so it feels like I deserve all of this. I'm so lonely right now and it annoys me that he seems to be going through no pain. They're both online right now and are probably coothie-cooing. I'm so jealous because I don't have anyone to do that with and angry that I seem to have been disposed of quite easily. It feels like I'm the only one suffering.
Just need to talk to someone. I've been trying to get over him all summer. I thought I was but then I see him online and he doesn't initiate conversation and ignores me if I do. And then later on pretends that he was away.
Hate this. I also feel like I'm going to have to pay the price of doing that to my friend by being single for the rest of my life and yet.
To cut a long story short...I cheated on a friend with her boyfriend. Yes, horrible thing to do. I know. I know it takes two to kiss but I was chased into it. I had been single for ages and fell for it easily. He gave me the impression that he wanted me and promised he'd break up with her. He didn't. We can't be together because ''he owes her too much''. So, he's with her. And I'm alone once again. The speed at which he's gotten over me shocks me. It's a month and he's back to being madly in love with her. And I still wait online for him all day, every single day. We're on holiday so we can't see each other right now.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't know if I want him because I'm lonely. I don't know if I hate her because she's with him. I feel guilty all the time so it feels like I deserve all of this. I'm so lonely right now and it annoys me that he seems to be going through no pain. They're both online right now and are probably coothie-cooing. I'm so jealous because I don't have anyone to do that with and angry that I seem to have been disposed of quite easily. It feels like I'm the only one suffering.
Just need to talk to someone. I've been trying to get over him all summer. I thought I was but then I see him online and he doesn't initiate conversation and ignores me if I do. And then later on pretends that he was away.
Hate this. I also feel like I'm going to have to pay the price of doing that to my friend by being single for the rest of my life and yet.
I am afraid this is what generally happens when you go after a guy who is already attatched or rather you let a guy come after you who is already attatched, there are important lessons to be learned from this.
Face it 9 times out of 10 guys will promise to break up with their partners to be with you but seriously very rarely do any of them do that, they like to have their cake and eat it and thats what he did with you i am afraid.
What you need to do is learn from it, and next time stay off guys who have girlfriends even if they come after you.
Guys like that do not care about the girl being hurt they will just continue if nothing ever happened.
Seriously though i do not think you will be alone forever though, perhaps you need to go out and broaden your social life a bit, maybe join a club or something of your interest.
It's an old trick a guy uses to get you, oh i promise i want you and i will break up with her i swear, but no they use that as a way to have you then once they done that off they go again.
I agree with generalebriety, there's really no excuse for what you did, you're better not trying to make excuses and just telling your friend, letting her know you're sorry and that you know what you did was wrong, but you seem to know that much so I'm not having a go at you or anything.
My supposed best friend kissed my boyfriend (while I was having a last holiday with a terminally ill grandparent nonetheless-nice huh) and as horrible as what she did was it was the not telling me and lying part that hurt the most (and the situation it was done in obviously). I found out but if she'd tried to make excuses i think that would've made me more mad.
My supposed best friend kissed my boyfriend (while I was having a last holiday with a terminally ill grandparent nonetheless-nice huh) and as horrible as what she did was it was the not telling me and lying part that hurt the most (and the situation it was done in obviously). I found out but if she'd tried to make excuses i think that would've made me more mad.
ASprinkleOfPixieDust
I agree with generalebriety, there's really no excuse for what you did, you're better not trying to make excuses and just telling your friend, letting her know you're sorry and that you know what you did was wrong, but you seem to know that much so I'm not having a go at you or anything.
My supposed best friend kissed my boyfriend (while I was having a last holiday with a terminally ill grandparent nonetheless-nice huh) and as horrible as what she did was it was the not telling me and lying part that hurt the most (and the situation it was done in obviously). I found out but if she'd tried to make excuses i think that would've made me more mad.
My supposed best friend kissed my boyfriend (while I was having a last holiday with a terminally ill grandparent nonetheless-nice huh) and as horrible as what she did was it was the not telling me and lying part that hurt the most (and the situation it was done in obviously). I found out but if she'd tried to make excuses i think that would've made me more mad.
Well yeah that is so true, there is no excuse for cheating at all, in your case your's was awful, what your so called best friend did to you, she is a evil manipulative cow.
Anonymous
Or the other argument is... "I was getting attention from a guy I was attracted to so I went for it, not thinking of the consequences...after all, its just a kiss..." Don't tell me to grow up, I'm merely expressing an opinion!
It's a childish opinion. The OP hadn't had a boyfriend for a while. That doesn't make her desperate and willing to sacrifice her morals. She's not some starving animal that'll pounce on whatever it sees. She's a civilised human being who made a mistake, and although it's forgivable, it's certainly not a case of "oh well never mind, you hadn't had one for ages, you're perfectly right to have done what you did".
I actually forgave my friend eventually, we'd been very close since we were very young, and although what she did was awful I just couldn't give up on an otherwise strong friendship because of a guy i'b been with for 2 months, if it'd been with my current boyfriend (who I've been with for over 2 years) it would''ve been a different story though. Whether your friendship can survive depends on how close your friend is to you and how close she is to her boyfriend.
omg this sounds almost exactly what happened to me. i used to go out with this guy who dumped me for my best friend. then a month into it he decided he still loved me and of course, being stuill totally obsessed with him fell for it. then he had the guilty conscience and told my frend (his gf) what happened and twisted it to make it look like it was all my fault and that i initiated everything.
i felt so hurt by both of them, and yeah u do feel lonely and hurt and abused. but at the end of the day, its only a tiny bit of ur life, and even though it may be a bad experience, u'll manage to forget about him and move on. for definate. just dont let him fool u again. whatever u do , jst stay away from him.
i felt so hurt by both of them, and yeah u do feel lonely and hurt and abused. but at the end of the day, its only a tiny bit of ur life, and even though it may be a bad experience, u'll manage to forget about him and move on. for definate. just dont let him fool u again. whatever u do , jst stay away from him.
Vicki123
its only a tiny bit of ur life
I'm glad you said that.
Could everyone please not debate on whether what I did was wrong or not? I know it was a horrible thing to do. Obviously, it was. He made a pass at me many many many times and I kept saying to myself ''There's no way that's happening.'' And one day it did.
I regret it. I've had the saddest three months of my life. Everything sucks. So don't worry. I've been punished for what I did...Academically and otherwise. I'm sure there's worse stuff up ahead. But ''it's only a tiny bit'' of my life.
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