any advice....?

Ok so have a bit of a problem...

about a month ago i was raped and beaten pretty badly in a street in central London. I was a virgin. Now im pregnant and i don't know what to do.

I haven't told anyone yet about any of it because i couldn't face having to relive it all over again.

Basically i have always been a strong catholic and i know that abortion is wrong and all that in the eyes of god and up til now i would have never aborted and part of me still wants to keep the baby because of that. but i think i should abort because i don't want to bring a baby into the world that was concieved through a rape.

Any advice would be great...

Reply 1

Yahooey

The empathetic Yahooey suggests that you talk to an impartial non-religious counsellor to get the best advice and find out what is the best course of action for YOU.

The empathetic Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 2

Tractor-girlie

Not sure about religious stuff but you have to go with whats in your heart. I believe some catholics believe its ok if rape has been involved. You need to talk to someone, im sure there is a help line which you could talk to giving both sides or argument and information. You could try talking to a priest to see the view of a religious person.

Reply 3

sparkle86

Hey.

First of all I would just like to say how sorry I am that this has happened to you. Secondly, you definitely need to talk to somebody about this. I know it will be difficult for you to relive it all again but you need to do this otherwise this d**khead will do it again to someone else and next time this person may not live. I'm pretty sure that once you've told somebody, you will feel so much relief, like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I personally wouldn't want to keep a baby that was a result of a rape because you will always be reminded of how they got there. People will ask about the father and stuff and you will always remember it so I don't think it's a good idea to keep the baby. But that's my opinion on it.

You have to do what's right for you though but I definitely strongly suggest you tell someone about this as soon as possible.

Good Luck hun. Let us know how you get on.

Karen xx

Reply 4

janesmith

i think you should tell your mum, your aunt or your best friend. i think you should tell someone today.please. its not your fault. you should tell them. you cant decide anything by yourself. your parents will help you make a decision that accommodates either yourself or your religion. dont let this affect you. please just tell ur family

Reply 5

kabi

sorry to hear of this but i do agree with sparkle you need to tell soemone before that guy does it again, what he did was out of order beyond all thought so you need to stop him before he does it again,

they are various people you can talk to in confidence such as the samaritans who if anything could provide a listening ear and help you conquer the hardest part (which will be telling someone for the first time)

in terms of what to do with the baby well think in the long run what would be right for you.

take care and good luck

kabi :smile:

Reply 6

tbm

Anonymous

Sorry to hear about what you have been through, you must be really confused right now.

I reckon you should contact a rape crisis centre, if you go to their website www.rapecrisis.org.uk, it has most of the centres on there, hopefully you should be able to find one near to you, or try your local phonebook under counselling. They should be able to give you an appointment to see if you want to have some counselling or not, obviously that is your decision and you have every right not to if you dont want to, they will also be able to put you in touch with the police if you decide you want to report the attack, and also talk through your options about your baby.

You might also want to visit your GP, you might want to consider getting yourself checked out for STD's and to check everything is alright with the pregancy (if you havent already that is), I know you proabably dont want to be doing this but its the best thing to do for your health.

Dont forget you are not alone, there are people out there who can help you find a way through this. Good luck xx

Reply 7

sidi

I can't begin to imagine how you have coped in the past month. Lots of good advice already given, please take it. Talk to somebody - whichever is easier, stranger or family/friend. You've taken the first stage by posting on here. If you're really not ready to talk in person the samaritans have an email service. Look after yourself. Good luck.

Reply 8

username47781

I think i agree with everyone else, you need to speak to someone about it, did you report it to the police?

Reply 9

WokSz

I am really sorry to hear this. I understand and respect your beliefs, but maybe you should ask yourself a few questions:

•

Do I really want to bring a baby into this world who will have to live with the idea that his father simply raped you?

•

Do I want to put him through the pain of never getting to know his father?

•

Will I ever be able to love this child fully?

I don't think it's just about you anymore, but it's also about the future of the child. Remember that having a baby is no joke, as not only do you have to take care of yourself, but the child will be your responsibility for the rest of your life. At the end of the day, the choice is yours.

All the best, and once again I am extremely sorry to hear that happened to you.

Reply 10

Shreerac1

Keep the baby. You are Catholic, so in your eyes abortion is murder, what ever the circumstances.

**** happens

Shreerac1

Keep the baby. You are Catholic, so in your eyes abortion is murder, what ever the circumstances.

nothings ever that simple. if your were in her situation, i'm pretty sure you wouldn't just say tht to yourself and be o.k with it.

Reply 13

bunnycatkid

firstly I think you are so brave for posting on here, I am not religious, but my mother is catholic and I know that she believes that the god she believes in is benevolent, and wouldn't want anyone suffering in the way you have, and if you choose to have an abortion it is because to have the baby would bring back so many memories, and there is no way to know how you would ever feel about the child. If you do go ahead with the pregnancy it should be because you know that you will love and care for the child no matter what, not because you feel abortion is not an option. I assume that your parents are religious, and that could make it harder to talk to them, there are so many places that can help you, I have emailed the samaritans before and they are really helpful and they will also tell you were to get more help. Brook also offers a free couselling service, and I really hope you have a friend or a relative you can speak to. Please don't feel like you have to go through this alone. I don't know if you have been to the police or not,but if you don't feel like you can it might help you to know that my brother in-law was sexually abused 15 years ago, and only went to the police last year, and the man has been sent to prison for 30 years. Him speaking out also lead to a lot of other people coming forward, so if you do ever choose to go to the police you could end up helping a lot of other girls in your position. My thoughts are with you and I really hope you find the support that you need to get through this.

Reply 14

tbm

dannyboi87

**** happens

If you havent got anything useful to post, why bother posting at all??

Cant you see that this is a really sensitive thread?

Reply 15

CelenaGaia

dannyboi87

**** happens

Basically - you're an knobhead. You obviously come on these forums with the sole intention of wasting screen-space and everyone elses' precious time. GET LOST, SUCKER. Go relieve your mental/emotional incapabilties elsewhere, please.

To the OP - I am so bloody sorry this happened to you, hon, as I'm definately sure everyone else here is too (excepting of course prize peanut-penis mentioned above.) I can't express in this pathetic little post how much sympathy I've got for you, and how shocked I am at your God-awful situation. Rape/sexual abuse is bad enough (been there, since childhood) but to be left with the eye-watering reminder of it that is a child...well, that takes the biscuit.

Horrified statements aside, here's the measly advice I can dispense - get yourself to a therapist PRONTO, coz believe you me this is NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU ALONE. The psychological side-effects are going to be excrutiating, be they flashbacks, depression, mood swings or whatever. I'm not trying to be a down-putter, I'm being realisitic. There's no way your mind can possibly just push this aside like so much junkmail. Even if you're numb now, in the future, this thing could leap up and bite your mental ass in years to come, and Christ knows what damage it could do to your ego. So please, for your own sake, get yourself to a psychiatric nurse or someone who can help you through this. They're the professionals, trust in them, if no one else.

And most definately, tell those closest to you. That's the hardest thing of all, coz you might very well have guilt-issues going on in your head here. I know I sure do, even now, regarding all of the different abuses suffered - "did I provoke them? Did I deserve this? Could I have done more to prevent it?" PLEASE DISREGARD THESE FEELINGS. Whatever you did/said, NO ONE deserves to be treated in this appalling manner. No matter if you're the Virgin Mary, or the biggest whore on the streets. No one deserves to have their physical/mental spaces violated in this way. So tell those closest to you, even if it takes you a whole day, or a month. It took me several very long sessions talking with both parents, and my grandparents, before I could finally admit to what had been happening to me. But by God, it really gets a weight off your chest. Carrying a secret like that around with you is heart-breaking, and soul-killing. And there's no way you can keep this secret when you tum starts to swell anyway, if you keep the baby. Sorry to be crude/forthright, but that's the way I am, this is a very serious situation and you can't afford to be molly-coddled. You've got find people who'll be sympathetic to your situation, but firm. You can't afford to let this totally wreck your life, to let depression/panic/guilt drag you down. Coz once that happens, your life isn't going to feel worth ****.

So please, take whatever advice and help and guidance is offered you and the best of luck to you, most sincerely.

Reply 16

always + forever

have you considered adoption? there are lots of couple out there who can't have children, and this way, you may be able to make something good out of something terrible.

Reply 17

Le_désir

**** happens

yeah if it happened to u then ud know what its like. Honestly the immaturity.

Ok sweety what happened to u is serious, and leaving the issue too late will only confuse u more, u should speak to someone u trust about the issue ...
sweety try talking to a councellor ? or your local preist? explain ur issues and how u feel ...have u spoken to ur parents about this ?
If you find it difficult to speak to someone alone about this or face to face perhaps u can write it down on paper or maybe u can show this very thread to someone whom u trust if u find it hard to speak to someone about it ...
try calling childline or speaking to an connexions adviser online
http://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=223
http://www.connexions-direct.com/
i truly wish u the best of luck and please whatever u do , dont suffer alone it will only hurt more.
keep us updated
take care and good luck

Reply 18

wainwright

Definately the best thing to do is to speak to someone professional. You should never be ashamed to seek help after such a terrible ordeal, it'll be too hard coping on your own.

Good luck!

Reply 19

Zafda

Anonymous

wow - thats scary.
i always used to learn about stuff like that when i did r.e but yeah.

im surprised you've not told anyone, you really ought to have..

as for the fact you're pregnant, well tbh i think you should have the baby but give it up for adoption. the baby is now there isn't it, you may aswell let it have the life it deserves rather than ending its life before it's started.

im sure it didn't intend on being born through a rape but it doesn't know that does it?

its up to you, the thing with abortion about from the religious and ethical issues is that in years to come you may feel pretty bad about it, a lot of people who have abortions do have a pretty traumatic time.

how many weeks/months pregnant are you?