She doen't want the phsyical side in the relationship

Because of family and sins my gf doesn't want to get physical with me when shes with me in a any way (hugging, kissing or holding hands). She's scared from what happeed in the past as we went all the way and she regreted it as it was wrong in terms of sins. We only have 10 months together and then shes going back to her home country, hence why she doesnt want to get too attached.

Theres a guy friend of hers whos been indirectly flirting with her since January. They are best friends and he indirectly indicates he wants to marry her and stuff. At the beginning my g/f fancied him (before we was going out) then allot of things happened and there was a period of time they stopped talking. Then when I started to date her she was in contact with him again and they emailed each other 5 times a day just talking about religious and general things.
Now and again he would always hint that he would want to marry her and stuff but she would laugh it off and say ill find you some 1.

Anyway she knows I know how they are best friends and they used to talk every day on the phone and send emails to each other all the time as well.
When ever I tried calling her and she was on the phone to him she would never put him on hold to answer any 1 elses call as he would start shouting. However when ever me and her talk she would put me on hold for any 1 inc him and sometimes not call back until an 30mins later.
I've told her if you put him on hold and tell me your speaking to him it would be ok but she said u know how he is and how he shouts. So I said well mayb I should shout. She said no as we speak far more then he does and our way of talking is so relaxed where as with him its fast flowed.

Anyway she is planning to come to London next week and I offered her many options on where to stay inc with me, a hotel or friends. She rejected staying with me as she thinks we will get to close and the other 2 will just cause complications.

After all we discussed she said I hope you don't get angry but how would you feel if I stayed at my best friends house.
Now prior to before I got to know her she told me how they got close while they were in the same bed together but nothing happened.
So she was aware I knew that but still asked.
It hurt me at that time and its hurting now that she felt it was acceptable to ask me.

I don't know what to do with her and honestly I do love allot of her side to bits but then its this side where its either I trust her fully (o allowing her to chat to her best guy mate on a daily basis) which their topics are based on current events and stuff and nothing personal or I don't trust her and just not bother with her.

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Reply 1

Yahooey

The dumbfounded Yahooey is desperately struggling to understand why you're still with this girl, and failing miserably.

The dumbfounded Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 2

BobMob

It seems a bit odd to me.

I'm sure you're both capable of some self control, and if she was really into you I'm sure she would want to do other physical stuff with you, even if it would be hard to hold off sex.

In short, I think she's using the past as an excuse, but that's just how it looks to me.

I think there are probably some feelings for the other guy, and to be honest staying at his house when there are plenty of other options is just not neccessary, however much they're friends. Besides anything she could stay at yours not in the same bed, where's the problem with that?

Reply 3

generalebriety

Yahooey

The dumbfounded Yahooey is desperately struggling to understand why you're still with this girl, and failing miserably.

The dumbfounded Yahooey has spoken.

Always one ****ing comedian. :rolleyes:

But, I agree. You're wasting your time on a girl who is no more than friends with you... and I've bad better friends than that. Nothing to do with trust really, she clearly just doesn't like you in the same way you like her. She's doing nothing more than treating you as a friend... in fact, barely that. I'd let my friend stay over and stay at their house myself. I wouldn't put them on hold. And so on.

Surprised you needed to ask.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

generalebriety

Always one ****ing comedian. :rolleyes:

The thing is in the past we stayed over each others and she told me in advace that nothing should happen and each time we ended up doing things. I guess we both know what were capable of doing and it most likely will happen. I dunno shes one confused gal but I really can't judge her that quick as she just got back.

Reply 5

generalebriety

Anonymous

The thing is in the past we stayed over each others and she told me in advace that nothing should happen and each time we ended up doing things.

= problem.

She doesn't want to. So she's staying away from you.

Reply 6

Yahooey

The agreeable Yahooey... well, agrees with you.

She's taking the piss and using both you and her "best friend" to emotionally gratify herself, whilst refusing to show you the respect of commiting to you and being in a proper relationship with you and by maintaining this pseudo-sexual tension with her "best friend."

The agreeable Yahooey will tell you something right now, he definitely wouldn't put up with it.

The agreeable Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 7

Ulala

Look I had a bf for many years, about 3, but I did not feel anything for him, I treated him simply as a mate.. he was speaking that he loves me etc.. so I was with him, cuz it was nice to meet from time to time and to sociaise.
He was telling me too - that he would like to kiss me, hold hands etc.. but I never agreed - I was thinking that maybe I have some barriers, maybe I am not ready yet for it. And than I met somebody else, felt in love so deeply (we were never bf and gfs) but if in that time he would ask to kiss me, I would not think twice... The thing is - it's all based on love, commitment, and how dear that person is to you! Past, barriers, - ok these are some excuses, and belive me I also used to use it! But when it comes to real love and the right person, these kind of excuses do not work, cuz u know that u can do anything for that person, who u really love.

Reply 8

BobMob

Ulala

Damn, this is like completely different world to me.
Asking to hold a girl's hand, and then having her refuse?!?

Respect to the guys involved, because I wouldn't wait around for some hand-holding action!

Reply 9

Yahooey

The effervescent Yahooey is with BobMob on that one.

The effervescent Yahooey has spoken.

Reply 10

Ulala

BobMob, this is the thing.. he was waiting. I know that many people wouldnt wait. The thing is - when u love each other, and even one person has some barriers, it doesnt count, cuz u simply WANT IT, no matter what.,

Reply 11

squigaletta

to be honest if i was just analysing her behaviour id assume she was going out with her best friend and that you were just a mate, my advice is deffo get rid

Reply 12

kabi

Ulala

got to agree with you their, if you love someone you want to put them first and them wanting wait should be alright with you

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

kabi

got to agree with you their, if you love someone you want to put them first and them wanting wait should be alright with you

Well mayb it aint love then but this is what she says aloud on the phone. In person she total is opposite as in we held hands, hugged, kissed etc.

I think I would need to meet her up to see where we would stand and how things would flow naturally. If it didnt then obviously it wouldn't be worth it.
Her best mate she has told me and explained to me he is nothing to her but a mate who was there for her when she came back from hospital and hence feels indebted to him in a sense.
That might be an excuse but having said that she is a type of person whos very caring and always giving to others.

Reply 14

username47781

I agree she seems a very confused girl.

Reply 15

ASprinkleOfPixieDust

Yah I have to agree it sounds a little like this girl doesn't want you...but doesn't want anyone else to have you either, the relationship you have described is basically a friendship. If you know it's not going anywhere-then honsetly ask yourself-is there much point to this? It just doesn't sound very fair on you mate, I hope everything works out for the best.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

I tried calling her today and again shes on the phone with him and she didnt answer my call even to say shes on the phone, so ive texted her saying 'take care as I cant do this no more'.

In the long run it will be for the better, she has no respect for me. Im there when she needs me or calls but her priorities doesn't involve me.

I knew this before she left but I was too dumb to think she could change.

Reply 17

squigaletta

im really sorry hun, it must he so hard to do, but now you can find someone whose expectations are the same as yours

Reply 18

wainwright

Its a hard situation, of course you have to respect someone's wishes but surely it can be nothing more than a friendship if there is no physical contact?

Reply 19

ASprinkleOfPixieDust

I'm sorry to hear that but hopefully you'll find somebody who will treat you better-the way you treat them and you won't be the one doing all the work.