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I really like my history teacher but there's a chance I'll never see him again!

So basically at the beginning of year 11 I got a new form teacher and he is really funny, sarcastic and attractive. He is also my history teacher. We got on from day 1 because we have the same sense of humour and he doesn't treat you like a child like a lot of teachers can. He's 30 and married and I'm 16, I realise this age gap and his profession means nothing will ever happen between us, that question doesn't even come into consideration.

I started to develop a massive crush (eugh I hate that word) on him and all I would do is think about him 24/7. He is seriously the best teacher I've ever had and managed to raise my grade from a B- to an A* in a matter of months. He taught in a way that was fun and he is very popular with all of the students as he's they type of teacher that disciplines, but in a way that actually makes the student listen. He also likes to talk to as if we're his friends, moaning about his wife and telling us funny stories of when he was at school.

Okay, so enough useless information let me get into the important bit. As the year progressed I would do everything possible to get to see him. I went to all of his revision sessions after school and at lunch times, most of the time it was just me and him so we started to get to know each other quite well. He would tell me how his wife is too different from him and that he doesn't know how much longer their relationship can work, and I told him about any problems I had at home or with my friends. We started to develop all of these inside jokes and he would mention them to me in class and everyone else would kind of sit there like 'what I don't get it?' which obviously made me feel kinda special. Because he's my form teacher I had him for registration and on Tuesdays I had history first so we would have competitions who could get to the classroom first and stupid stuff like that.

As the school year ended I started to realise that it would be possible I would never see him again, he said that he hopes he is going to be my teacher in sixth form, but there is a chance that it will be someone else.

I have no idea how I would cope knowing he is teaching in the same building as me, but I don't get to see him. its going o be hard enough going from seeing him more than any other student to not seeing him at all. next week I will get my timetable and I need advice on how to cope if I find out I'm never going to see him again. there is no guys my own age I like because I'm only really attracted to older guys. any advice would be highly appreciated, thank you!

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Don't run to France...the police will go there first. Go Thailand.

Look just find a guy your own age to take your mind off him
Bordeaux's nice at this time of year...
To inject some serious advice, you simply have to get over him. Find something to distract you from thinking about him.
You're disgusting, he is married. Most teenage girls fancy their teacher but it never goes beyond that. It sounds like he is trying to groom you otherwise why would he be telling you about problems in his marriage? What a creep.

Age gap isnt disgusting if you was 18+, but the whole situation is disgusting. You're crying because he might not be your form tutor for 6th form? Ugh, get a grip. So childish.

Its fine if you're attracted to older guys but he is your teacher and is in a position of trust.
Original post by SophiaLDN
You're disgusting, he is married. Most teenage girls fancy their teacher but it never goes beyond that. It sounds like he is trying to groom you otherwise why would he be telling you about problems in his marriage? What a creep.

Age gap isnt disgusting if you was 18+, but the whole situation is disgusting. You're crying because he might not be your form tutor for 6th form? Ugh, get a grip. So childish.

Its fine if you're attracted to older guys but he is your teacher and is in a position of trust.


It's certainly unprofessional, but I don't think you can conclude he's grooming her by telling her deeply personal things.
whether he has bad intentions or not you could get him in serious trouble if people suspect his behaviour isn't appropriate (which it appears not to be...) so move on and stay away
Original post by PythianLegume
It's certainly unprofessional, but I don't think you can conclude he's grooming her by telling her deeply personal things.


True, its a bit of a stretch but he has no reason to tell her this. He's her teacher and he's married. What business does he have telling a 16 year old this? Its like a typical sign that some married guys do when they complain about their wife and their marriage in order to gain sympathy/ 'its not bad if we cheat'. Also, he doesn't treat her 'like a child' is usually a sign in grooming cases (from a position of trust). Maybe im reading too much into this. But whatever, we can just agree that what he is doing is unprofessional because he hasn't done anything wrong, so you're right. She is the one who is trying to get closer to him and not the other way round.
(edited 9 years ago)
Had to reply like this as this is so reminiscent of me at several points in my life (I'm nearing 30 now).

It's tricky water in a plethora of ways. I've often had crushes on those who have been in that sort of position academically and I'm often attracted to older men, like yourself. It's not a unique phenomenon by any means.

It's also hard to know if he's being flirtatious with you or if it's part of his nature to be friendly and not condescending (which is always nice, I have academic staff being patronizing with me and I'm doing a PhD). So the comments on grooming - he hasn't done anything wrong as far as I know - in fact, I had a crush on one of my teachers when I was 16 (the story about the inside jokes and so on were very similar) but it was me trying to get closer to him. It never happened though.

Also, is it a question of proximity - if he doesn't teach you this coming term, would he find excuses to see you or vice versa? Proximity is a huge factor of attraction, of course.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 9
Avatar for CourtneyTW
CourtneyTW
OP
2
To all of those telling me he is 'grooming me', I can assure you he's not, he is naturally friendly and all we do is talk, it's not like we have met outside of school or have had any physical contact. I'm not tryinn to break up a marriage or even start a relationship with him because that's ridiculous, I want to stop liking him! Thank you to every one who have me serious answers, I understand that a lot of you probably think I'm a pathetic little girl but try to remeber what you were like when you were 16, you probably didn't see yourself as a child that knew nothing.
Just thought I would offer my input as a young male teacher...


The personal life thing is very difficult. I've been quite open about my personal life with my students generally (although some classes I don't even tell them my first name!) and I talk about how I was at school and how I've changed, I talk about my relationships sometimes, people I know who've died and I can be quite relaxed and banterous with some classes if my relationship with them allows me to do so.

It does concern me, particularly after reading the Daily Mail today (and 3 stories would you believe about inappropriate teacher conduct!), that perhaps I am a bit too informal and could lead some students to be a little too attached to me. I know some have disclosed personal things to me also but I've always followed the law in this case and said that I would not keep a secret and, if I felt it necessary, pass on info to senior staff. Thankfully, nothing ever that bad has been disclosed anyway.

Unlike some in this thread, I do genuinely believe that the teacher you describe is just a caring man. It is impossible to work in a job like teaching and not have a deep compassion for the students that you teach. I genuinely believe that some of the students that I teach have the potential to be amazing people and I tell them that! Last July, I literally cried for about 5 minutes after a lesson with my favourite class after telling them that I wouldn't be teaching any of them next year!

Hope that helped.


Original post by CourtneyTW
x
Original post by SophiaLDN
You're disgusting, he is married. Most teenage girls fancy their teacher but it never goes beyond that. It sounds like he is trying to groom you otherwise why would he be telling you about problems in his marriage? What a creep.

Age gap isnt disgusting if you was 18+, but the whole situation is disgusting. You're crying because he might not be your form tutor for 6th form? Ugh, get a grip. So childish.

Its fine if you're attracted to older guys but he is your teacher and is in a position of trust.


I think what you've said is harsh. Very harsh.


As with my post above, I don't think it's inappropriate to disclose with a whole class your personal life. I don't believe that treating your students as if they're adults and having mature conversations with them is necessarily a bad thing. I see nothing from OP that tells me that the teacher is grooming her at all.

I really don't feel that your 2nd paragraph is going to help her by just insulting her and calling her 'childish'. I think she fully realises that nothing can happen between them and is mature enough to know what's appropriate and what's not.

This attitude sickens me because it just makes people even less likely to be open and mature about issues like this which must affect a number of people in this country, not just OP. Every time they come out about things like this you can just imagine the ridicule that must follow.
This is incredibly common - I had two serious teacher crushes around your age, and so did most of my friends (all girls' school). The older man, younger girl dynamic, plus his position of authority, leads to an inevitable hormonal outbreak.

The other problem that is common is the fact he has a lot of students. Both my parents are teachers, and the do have favourites - it's natural - but it's also common for students to compete for this, or to see themselves as more central than they are.

I have no doubt you get on well, and there is no reason you can't remain on good terms as adult friends (though it may look odd to outsiders). Otherwise, if you get a different teacher I'm afraid you just have to get on with things. You can still go to his revision sessions, but it's important to train yourself at this age to be relaxed about unrequited crushes, because it's not the first time it's going to happen.

Use the motivation to get good at History, then go to university. :smile:
As long as you do nothing about your feelings and you actively discourage your teacher should he start acting inappropriately then there shouldn't be a problem.

Your teacher is a bit unprofessional but it doesn't mean he will act inappropriately towards you or other students. Just know your limits.

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Original post by Autistic Merit
I think what you've said is harsh. Very harsh.


As with my post above, I don't think it's inappropriate to disclose with a whole class your personal life. I don't believe that treating your students as if they're adults and having mature conversations with them is necessarily a bad thing. I see nothing from OP that tells me that the teacher is grooming her at all.

I really don't feel that your 2nd paragraph is going to help her by just insulting her and calling her 'childish'. I think she fully realises that nothing can happen between them and is mature enough to know what's appropriate and what's not.

This attitude sickens me because it just makes people even less likely to be open and mature about issues like this which must affect a number of people in this country, not just OP. Every time they come out about things like this you can just imagine the ridicule that must follow.


Harsh, yes. But I was giving my honest opinion. If she didn't want different opinions then she shouldn't be asking for peoples thoughts on a forum.

Like I said in my reply to another poster, the grooming thing was over the top. He is unprofessional. I don't know how you can make excuses for him when he talks about very personal things with her in private about his wife & their crumbling relationship.

It doesn't seem like it. She already said she has a strong crush on him and mentioned his relationship with his wife.
Original post by SophiaLDN
Harsh, yes. But I was giving my honest opinion. If she didn't want different opinions then she shouldn't be asking for peoples thoughts on a forum.

Like I said in my reply to another poster, the grooming thing was over the top. He is unprofessional. I don't know how you can make excuses for him when he talks about very personal things with her in private about his wife & their crumbling relationship.

It doesn't seem like it. She already said she has a strong crush on him and mentioned his relationship with his wife.


He might have behaved unprofessionally and should take more care but I don't believe there is evidence enough from what OP has said to condemn him. If he has indeed been grooming her, he should be sacked immediately. I do not think there is enough evidence for that to happen.

The last thing I would want is for the teacher to lose his job here when he doesn't deserve to. I'm sure Courtney would hate for that to happen too.
Original post by CourtneyTW
So basically at the beginning of year 11 I got a new form teacher and he is really funny, sarcastic and attractive. He is also my history teacher. We got on from day 1 because we have the same sense of humour and he doesn't treat you like a child like a lot of teachers can. He's 30 and married and I'm 16, I realise this age gap and his profession means nothing will ever happen between us, that question doesn't even come into consideration.

I started to develop a massive crush (eugh I hate that word) on him and all I would do is think about him 24/7. He is seriously the best teacher I've ever had and managed to raise my grade from a B- to an A* in a matter of months. He taught in a way that was fun and he is very popular with all of the students as he's they type of teacher that disciplines, but in a way that actually makes the student listen. He also likes to talk to as if we're his friends, moaning about his wife and telling us funny stories of when he was at school.

Okay, so enough useless information let me get into the important bit. As the year progressed I would do everything possible to get to see him. I went to all of his revision sessions after school and at lunch times, most of the time it was just me and him so we started to get to know each other quite well. He would tell me how his wife is too different from him and that he doesn't know how much longer their relationship can work, and I told him about any problems I had at home or with my friends. We started to develop all of these inside jokes and he would mention them to me in class and everyone else would kind of sit there like 'what I don't get it?' which obviously made me feel kinda special. Because he's my form teacher I had him for registration and on Tuesdays I had history first so we would have competitions who could get to the classroom first and stupid stuff like that.

As the school year ended I started to realise that it would be possible I would never see him again, he said that he hopes he is going to be my teacher in sixth form, but there is a chance that it will be someone else.

I have no idea how I would cope knowing he is teaching in the same building as me, but I don't get to see him. its going o be hard enough going from seeing him more than any other student to not seeing him at all. next week I will get my timetable and I need advice on how to cope if I find out I'm never going to see him again. there is no guys my own age I like because I'm only really attracted to older guys. any advice would be highly appreciated, thank you!


I think it's normal to have a wee crush on your teacher, but you're maybe taking it too far. Think about it this way, do you want to see him lose his job, go to jail and be known as a sex offender for the rest of his life? Do you want to intrude and/or break his marriage? You have a long life ahead of you and you'll find other really good looking guys you'll be interested in. I believe this is an infatuation and honey if you give it time you'll get over it completely. Good luck OP.
Please back off , you could wreck his life .
You're disgusting, how dare you tell a child that's she's disgusting. You are an adult, you're supposed to be the person helping the children.How would you feel if that was you're kid? Would you really tell them that? I know that you're trying to 'help' but please don't try and offend her...
(edited 7 years ago)
I feel the same about my history teacher, although we don't really have many inside jokes or anything like that. But, to some degree, I can relate. I just use the fact that I have a crush on him to motivate me. It motivates me to get good at history: A) So I'll be in his "good books" and B) So he'll like me.

Even though I know that he will never date me, obviously, it just gives me a sense of comfort knowing that he'll like me for being a good student. He's newly married and I was moved into his class earlier this school year so, I hope maybe it'll go away soon. As for you, I think you should use this experience to motivate yourself to get good at history so then you can have a laugh with him and get the A that you know you can get. Also, as for sixth form, even if you don't have him use that as motivation. Just think to yourself, "I'm going to do well to make him proud".

Also, if you're so worried you're never going to see him again ask him if he has a Facebook and when he doesn't teach you anymore maybe see it he'll add you? One of the history teachers and some of the Art teachers at my school do that with students that have left the school to go to university.

Hope I could help :smile:

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