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Going to University and in a relationship discussion

Just wondering if there's anyone else out there off to uni this year who are also in relationships, just to share thoughts/worries/hopes/experiences etc.

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Avatar for heyoka
heyoka
12
Original post by stephenmoffat1
Just wondering if there's anyone else out there off to uni this year who are also in relationships, just to share thoughts/worries/hopes/experiences etc.


im going off to uni in a relationship, my boyfriend will live 1 and a half hours away, we've been together 4 years and im not worried about being in a relationship while being at uni, since im not much of a party girl, i am worried about the fact that my course should be like 80% guys tho, because i get along better with guys and it might make my boyfriend abit jealous.
Original post by heyoka
im going off to uni in a relationship, my boyfriend will live 1 and a half hours away, we've been together 4 years and im not worried about being in a relationship while being at uni, since im not much of a party girl, i am worried about the fact that my course should be like 80% guys tho, because i get along better with guys and it might make my boyfriend abit jealous.


Yeah I'm in a similar situation, except my course is 80% boys so she's not too worried :rolleyes:
I've only been seeing the guy for like two months maybe?? Not exactly sure on the date and I go to uni in four weeks about 5/6 hours away from home. He says he will visit me but not sure how long it will actually last or if he really will. He is staying at home......


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Reply 4
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chynyel_e
I've been with my bf for over a year and a half, and I'm going to nottingham while he's going to kent. I tried to get into kent but the declined on results day :frown: I'm worried about the whole uni thing too, we'll be 4-5 hours away from eachother, and I'm not sure how we'll both cope even though we're determined to make it work and not be the couple who breaks up cos of uni


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Hey guys,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months and we usually see each other every weekend (or every other weekend depending on his work). I've never met anyone like him and we compliment each other so well, he's generous, kind and treats me so well! I would not know what I would do without him (I know our relationship isn't particularly long to warrantee that statement but what we have is good and pure, no mind games, just us being together. We are open and honest with each other and have always managed to work through issues that have cropped up in the past).

In just under two months I'll be heading off to university in Lancaster whilst he'll be working in Birmingham (full time as a materials technician, just over 2 hours away) and coming back down to Boxford (an hour away from London) most weekends to see his family (around 4 hours away.) We met each other because we lived in the same village and we've managed to make it work for these past 7 months just seeing each other for most weekends because we love each other. I am slightly used to not seeing him for weeks at a time but I have a feeling that university might be a 'level up' in terms of a LDR and I know there may be times where I won't see him for weeks on end. He said he would drive up and see me every couple of weeks but he also has family down in Boxford and sometimes work can make him stay for the weekend as well.

We have an age gap of 8 years (he's 26, I'm 18) and we never usually notice it until issues like university come up. Obviously we've talked about it and we want to make it work (lots of crying involved from both of us) and we do all the normal things like FaceTime occasionally, call everyday and message each other when we can so this is just my way of venting. Unfortunately the job he is on finishes in December and so we'll have to readjust again because he moves location but we both want to see each other so it should be fine (unless it's somewhere stupidly far away like Scotland!) I do not envy the international LDRs. Don't know how they do it!

I am very lucky in the fact that after Thursday I have until the 2nd of September with him as we'll be on holiday! :biggrin: Don't want to think about the fact that I won't see him after that till the 20th September and it'll be hard to call and text as I'm on holiday.

So yeah rant over! Feel free to ask any questions about how we've done it so far or to offer any advice :P



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Original post by chynyel_e
I've been with my bf for over a year and a half, and I'm going to nottingham while he's going to kent. I tried to get into kent but the declined on results day :frown: I'm worried about the whole uni thing too, we'll be 4-5 hours away from eachother, and I'm not sure how we'll both cope even though we're determined to make it work and not be the couple who breaks up cos of uni


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I understand your situation, but remember there are many relationships that last through university! Its quite comforting knowing that we actually have 22 non-term time free weeks (30 weeks at uni for most units i think) which gives time to see each other.

One idea my girlfriend and I had was to make a new travel fund that we each chip into every month, and when we wanna see each other it comes out the travel fund. Just gets rid of the cost element that might complicate things. We both know it will be hard at times getting used to being apart for long times, but we know it'll make us stronger as a couple in the future.

And if it doesn't work out for us, then I guess it wasn't meant to be :redface: but i remain optimistic to make it work.

Hope everything goes well :smile:
Original post by Freckles123
Hey guys,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months and we usually see each other every weekend (or every other weekend depending on his work). I've never met anyone like him and we compliment each other so well, he's generous, kind and treats me so well! I would not know what I would do without him (I know our relationship isn't particularly long to warrantee that statement but what we have is good and pure, no mind games, just us being together. We are open and honest with each other and have always managed to work through issues that have cropped up in the past).

In just under two months I'll be heading off to university in Lancaster whilst he'll be working in Birmingham (full time as a materials technician, just over 2 hours away) and coming back down to Boxford (an hour away from London) most weekends to see his family (around 4 hours away.) We met each other because we lived in the same village and we've managed to make it work for these past 7 months just seeing each other for most weekends because we love each other. I am slightly used to not seeing him for weeks at a time but I have a feeling that university might be a 'level up' in terms of a LDR and I know there may be times where I won't see him for weeks on end. He said he would drive up and see me every couple of weeks but he also has family down in Boxford and sometimes work can make him stay for the weekend as well.

We have an age gap of 8 years (he's 26, I'm 18) and we never usually notice it until issues like university come up. Obviously we've talked about it and we want to make it work (lots of crying involved from both of us) and we do all the normal things like FaceTime occasionally, call everyday and message each other when we can so this is just my way of venting. Unfortunately the job he is on finishes in December and so we'll have to readjust again because he moves location but we both want to see each other so it should be fine (unless it's somewhere stupidly far away like Scotland!) I do not envy the international LDRs. Don't know how they do it!

I am very lucky in the fact that after Thursday I have until the 2nd of September with him as we'll be on holiday! :biggrin: Don't want to think about the fact that I won't see him after that till the 20th September and it'll be hard to call and text as I'm on holiday.

So yeah rant over! Feel free to ask any questions about how we've done it so far or to offer any advice :P



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Lancaster and birmingham are linked quite well through train links too :rolleyes: which may help. I guess if you're used to seeing each other every other weekend, then going to uni won't be a huge change. Although of course it will be different. I guess it would be good to agree on how often to see each other, and keep in good contact at university, so the odd Skype or FaceTime etc. The fact you're away with him in september is nice! Just before you go to uni.

I think for me its going to be very difficult initially for me as my girlfriend and I do so much together, we see each other more days than not. I'm at uni in London while she is working in a town round an hour away. So I guess it's nice how it's easy to see each other without travelling a huge distance - but at the same time we can just see each other whenever we please.

Hope it works out:smile:
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by abbymonty
I've only been seeing the guy for like two months maybe?? Not exactly sure on the date and I go to uni in four weeks about 5/6 hours away from home. He says he will visit me but not sure how long it will actually last or if he really will. He is staying at home......


Posted from TSR Mobile


Tough one, maybe try and agree on the first time he'll come visit? So then that first visit is secured. Maybe also plan how he'll travel there?

Obviously its early stages for you, but if both of you both want to see each other then i'm sure it can work:smile:
Original post by stephenmoffat1
Tough one, maybe try and agree on the first time he'll come visit? So then that first visit is secured. Maybe also plan how he'll travel there?

Obviously its early stages for you, but if both of you both want to see each other then i'm sure it can work:smile:


Yeah I want to settle in first though so it won't be for like a month...


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Original post by stephenmoffat1
I understand your situation, but remember there are many relationships that last through university! Its quite comforting knowing that we actually have 22 non-term time free weeks (30 weeks at uni for most units i think) which gives time to see each other.

One idea my girlfriend and I had was to make a new travel fund that we each chip into every month, and when we wanna see each other it comes out the travel fund. Just gets rid of the cost element that might complicate things. We both know it will be hard at times getting used to being apart for long times, but we know it'll make us stronger as a couple in the future.

And if it doesn't work out for us, then I guess it wasn't meant to be :redface: but i remain optimistic to make it work.

Hope everything goes well :smile:


Thats a really good idea, il suggest that to him, thankyou! And i hope you guys work out too :smile:


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Original post by stephenmoffat1
Lancaster and birmingham are linked quite well through train links too :rolleyes: which may help. I guess if you're used to seeing each other every other weekend, then going to uni won't be a huge change. Although of course it will be different. I guess it would be good to agree on how often to see each other, and keep in good contact at university, so the odd Skype or FaceTime etc. The fact you're away with him in september is nice! Just before you go to uni.

I think for me its going to be very difficult initially for me as my girlfriend and I do so much together, we see each other more days than not. I'm at uni in London while she is working in a town round an hour away. So I guess it's nice how it's easy to see each other without travelling a huge distance - but at the same time we can just see each other whenever we please.

Hope it works out:smile:


Thank you! I probably won't be seeing him during work since he's so busy but he wants to drive down to see me some weekends (like he does for his family). We kind of know just to text everyday when we aren't very busy and call before he goes to bed, he's a bit lazier about FaceTime because it's harder to do. We'll probably save that for when we haven't see each other in a while! I'm so excited for our holiday but I'll only see him for one day after the holiday as he's working weekends and I'm on holiday but it'll be fine!

London is like the king of trains! There will be some route that you'll be able to see her by! :smile: How much do you guys talk? How long have you been together?

The only thing I'm worried about are guys who will try to come onto me (I'm not being big headed, they will be exceptionally drunk and horny) and no one would be there to protect me :P I know that's a stupid image in my head but I hated guys like that when I was single!

Hope it works out for you too :biggrin:


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Reply 12
Avatar for Baloney
Baloney
5
As long as you have trust, you should be ok. LDR's can definitely work, and make you appreciate the other person so much more when you see them!



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All I can say is to just give it a go and try your hardest at making things worth! It's not worth worrying about because it will either work out or it won't.

Personally, I've been in a LDR this past year and sadly it hasn't worked out with me and my boyfriend of 3 years. I have really begun to gain in confidence and right now the most important thing to me is taking control of my life and doing things/living the way I want to and although it has been so so hard to realise, the relationship just isn't the right thing for me at the moment. Who knows, maybe in time we will end up back together if that's the way things are meant to be! The same happened with two friends of mine, who have been through so much together in the past, but have realised that again, they have just drifted and want different things right now.
Long distance really tests the strength of your relationship and you may end up re-evaluating whether being with that person is really the right thing for you both. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! You will grow and mature in the next few years without even realising it and it can be sad and surprising when so much changes in such a short space of time.

On exactly the same level, I know so many couples who have made their LDR work through their first year and beyond, including a couple who recently became engaged after doing 3 years of a uni LDR! I've never met anyone who has cheated whilst away from their partner and I love seeing all my friends still so loved up with each after spending time away. Basically, if you love your partner then it is absolutely worth going long distance because how on earth would you know if things would work out otherwise?! Please try not to have huge expectations of the outcomes and always be honest with your partner about how you are feeling along the way. I hope this mahoosive post was of some use to you and I hope you have an amazing time at uni :-) xx
Original post by mooomooo
All I can say is to just give it a go and try your hardest at making things worth! It's not worth worrying about because it will either work out or it won't.

Personally, I've been in a LDR this past year and sadly it hasn't worked out with me and my boyfriend of 3 years. I have really begun to gain in confidence and right now the most important thing to me is taking control of my life and doing things/living the way I want to and although it has been so so hard to realise, the relationship just isn't the right thing for me at the moment. Who knows, maybe in time we will end up back together if that's the way things are meant to be! The same happened with two friends of mine, who have been through so much together in the past, but have realised that again, they have just drifted and want different things right now.
Long distance really tests the strength of your relationship and you may end up re-evaluating whether being with that person is really the right thing for you both. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! You will grow and mature in the next few years without even realising it and it can be sad and surprising when so much changes in such a short space of time.

On exactly the same level, I know so many couples who have made their LDR work through their first year and beyond, including a couple who recently became engaged after doing 3 years of a uni LDR! I've never met anyone who has cheated whilst away from their partner and I love seeing all my friends still so loved up with each after spending time away. Basically, if you love your partner then it is absolutely worth going long distance because how on earth would you know if things would work out otherwise?! Please try not to have huge expectations of the outcomes and always be honest with your partner about how you are feeling along the way. I hope this mahoosive post was of some use to you and I hope you have an amazing time at uni :-) xx


This wasn't even aimed at me and I feel much better now! :P
If you don't mind me asking, how come you were in a LDR? (University, work etc).

I know it'll work or it won't work but I hate not having control over it :O I know my boyfriend loves me but I definitely feel like the 'heavy' in the relationship because I'm so open about how I feel so I always overthink and come to the conclusion that he'll break up with me out of nowhere. This makes me get annoyed and sad (if he was here he would say 'stop being silly' which makes me sadder because I want him to be here). Luckily he's coming back home tomorrow evening and I'll basically be with him until the beginning of September on holiday :biggrin:

I am a naturally optimistic person and so I want to believe we can beat the odds. Actually **** that, I know we can beat the odds! Because he loves me too, he wants to take me on holiday, surprise me with little things and just be with me and yeah maybe I'll only see him every 2/3 weeks but I'd rather be with him and try to make it work than break up with him to be safe. I can't even think about breaking up with him without being emotional :P so yeah my mind just vomited on this thread again!


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Original post by Freckles123



Oh, I'm glad that you are feeling better! :smile: That's fine, my LDR was due to moving apart for university.

I think that's normal to not like the thought of having no control over the future! When I was in 6th form, I remember having the 'uni' chat with my boyfriend and I was so adamant (mixed with silly and scared) at the time that not breaking up for uni=together forever! He (rather wisely) said that he wanted to stay together but that anything could happen in the next few years. Me and you both sound pretty alike, whilst it honestly didn't plague on my mind a huge deal, I did sometimes invent up reasons for him to break up with me. I would never have imagined that it would end up with me being the one to end the relationship! (Over-thinking is bad for your brain, I've learnt the hard way haha! :wink: )

It isn't very nice the first few months not having your partner there to comfort you etc. I really struggled in my first term and missed having him around so much. But you've got to look at it in a positive light. I really believe that having this time to be independent and have some space from each other is so important, even though it may seem tough at times. Especially if you spend a lot of time with each other now, having that space (especially at this age) allows you to invest your time + energy into yourself + your own personal fulfilment!

Deffo make the most of each other whilst you can, your boyfriend sounds wonderful :smile: And you have a great outlook + attitude so just go for it and enjoy yourselves! (Feel free to pm me by the way if you want a vent/mind vomit at any time! Or the long distance thread on this forum is great, full of so many people with lots of stories and experiences! )
Original post by mooomooo
Oh, I'm glad that you are feeling better! :smile: That's fine, my LDR was due to moving apart for university.

I think that's normal to not like the thought of having no control over the future! When I was in 6th form, I remember having the 'uni' chat with my boyfriend and I was so adamant (mixed with silly and scared) at the time that not breaking up for uni=together forever! He (rather wisely) said that he wanted to stay together but that anything could happen in the next few years. Me and you both sound pretty alike, whilst it honestly didn't plague on my mind a huge deal, I did sometimes invent up reasons for him to break up with me. I would never have imagined that it would end up with me being the one to end the relationship! (Over-thinking is bad for your brain, I've learnt the hard way haha! :wink: )

It isn't very nice the first few months not having your partner there to comfort you etc. I really struggled in my first term and missed having him around so much. But you've got to look at it in a positive light. I really believe that having this time to be independent and have some space from each other is so important, even though it may seem tough at times. Especially if you spend a lot of time with each other now, having that space (especially at this age) allows you to invest your time + energy into yourself + your own personal fulfilment!

Deffo make the most of each other whilst you can, your boyfriend sounds wonderful :smile: And you have a great outlook + attitude so just go for it and enjoy yourselves! (Feel free to pm me by the way if you want a vent/mind vomit at any time! Or the long distance thread on this forum is great, full of so many people with lots of stories and experiences! )


Thanks! Were you both going to university?

Overthinking is the worst thing ever! I don't know if I'll be with him forever but if we got through these next few years it would definitely get more serious. I know relationships can go to **** no matter how long you've been together (my parents divorced and both remarried so I'm quite rational about things like marriage, not that it would ever come up anytime soon as we've only been together for 7 months!)

Do you mind me asking why you broke up with him? Obviously it's none of my business and it is a personal question so feel free to tell me if I'm being too curious!

The thing is we have an eight year age gap as well (I'm 18, he's 26) so he's got a full time job and is pretty settled in his life whilst I'm just finding my own two feet by going to uni. It's not a massive thing but I know he thinks he's being a burden on me by being my boyfriend whilst I'm at uni (we talked about it on Saturday) but even if I was single I wouldn't want this hollow lifestyle of one night stands and getting drunk because that's not my thing. I want him to be part of my life as my equal (like I told him), me to be part of his life as an equal and for us to be able to support each other in our separate lives as well as when we are together.

Because of his work I usually only see him most weekends so we are used to not seeing each other. It also makes us appreciate our time together (we find new restaurants and films and try to not argue. I don't actually think we have properly argued and the times that we have we've sorted it out in 30 minutes :P ) Also because of this we do have our own interests and different friends and try to support that we are different in a lot of ways (for example he supports Man U and Old Trafford is only an hour away from Lancaster so I'm thinking for his birthday we watch a Man U match and then spend the night in a hotel).

We are very different and I appreciate that about him. He's very private and loyal and so I don't tell my friends all the details about our relationship and because I'm so emotionally open he's come out of his shell and has even cried in front of me.

I feel like we have a really good thing, I just don't want to lose it because of something out of my control.

I have put my story on the long distance thread but no one responded :P

Mind vomit :biggrin:



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I got into a relationship with my ex shortly before going to university, we lasted until about March time in my second year.

It initially started off as us seeing each other every weekend or so, which probably wasn't so good in that first semester when I was still trying to make friends and stuff. In that regards, I feel I missed out and would definitely have tried to limit things in hindsight. However, it was the start of our relationship and it made sense to see each other as much as possible at the time.

Not to say I didn't develop a social life, I did, but I believe I probably could have done a better job building bridges if I hadn't been engaged with my girlfriend over all those weekends. Whilst it doesn't seem like much to give up a few days at the end of the week, the weekends can be important from a social aspect because students can generally be more free then. It also wasn't great for my studies at first either, being busy over weekends meant I didn't put in quite as much time as I should have in that regard...

When we broke up in second year, it did take me a while to adjust, but I really bounced back in third year and this was probably my favourite time at university. Made good on my promises to myself to join new societies, take up a new sport, meet new people, etc. This really left me wandering what could have been if I hadn't been tied down during that first year however.

Looking back, I probably wouldn't have got into that relationship in the first place knowing the things I do today. However, that relationship was incredibly valuable to my personal development, I learnt so many things and I don't regret having been it, but I do regret the timing somewhat. Of course, that being the case, relationships heavily rely on timing, so swings and roundabouts really.

It is a case of 'grass could have been greener' syndrome, but realistically, I probably didn't miss out on all that much and the experience wouldn't have been too different. However, if you want to live a life of no regrets, do what makes sense to you at the time. If it's to stay with your partner that you've built something important with, go for it. If it's to unshackle yourself and live your life to it's full extent, go for it. There wouldn't really be a right answer in this regard, and you certainly don't need to feel pressured to conform to what you think everyone's doing.

That said, most couples I knew that were together from before university didn't make it past the first year. If you aren't ready for the distance, you should consider how much it's worth being anchored down like that.
Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years and whilst I will be staying at home, he is moving to Preston which isn't too far really. Recently we haven't been seeing each other much but I've kind of seen that as preparation for the future. I'm not worried and neither is he, we trust each other completely. I'm seeing him on Monday after only seeing him briefly on results day and I'm SO excited! This is another thing which is giving me a positive mindset. I'm stupidly excited to see him again, hopefully this is what I'll feel like everytime I get to see him again :biggrin:
I also get a free railcard with my student account making it even easier to visit!
Been together 3 years, with a 3 and a half hour train journey between us but still managed to see her at least once a week, so seeing as she's going to Durham and me to Newcastle it's gonna be a luxury! 20 minutes seems like were neighbours! So do I think it'll work? Absolutely.


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