The Student Room Group

Assault affecting sex

I'm just going to say that I've dealt with this a longs time and it's hard to say. I didn't realise the knives he collected were more than army collectibles until he put one in my mouth. He was always weird but I never thought he'd hurt me. He lived in a tiny flat in a dodgy area. One day we were kissing and stuff and we were in underwear. I never slept with him or made him think I wanted it. He pushed me against the bed frame and forced his fingers into me and I said no and cried and screamed but nobody came and it hurt like hell. I got dressed and left, too scared to act differently than normal in case he wouldn't let me leave - he'd locked us in before. We broke up after a week of avoiding him and talking to a male friend who I really liked. He's now my boyfriend. After a year of being with the now fb I started to suffer panic attacks about my ex after watching a film that triggered it. Now it's hard to kiss or do anything sexual because I'm scared of having a panic attack, and although my boyfriend looks after me amazingly it's getting to both of us and I need help.
my friends seems to be sick of hearing it, think I'm lying or think it's ok because it's not 'real rape' or because he was my bf. I don't want to report it, I just want help
Hi
I am so sorry for the delay in replying. I did reply as soon as I saw the message but had lots of problems being able to post - I have only just realised that my original message did not send so am posting again. I don't want you to think I didn't hear you or don't care.

What you describe must have been horrific, Having a knife in your mouth sounds awful, and sexual assault is a very serious crime and very traumatic.
I am really pleased that you are no longer with him, and it's great that you have a lovely boyfriend. It must be really scary to suddenly have panic attacks. However, I am not surprised as the trauma you experienced can often be triggered by things such as films which remind you of what happened and trigger the memories and feelings of the traumatic event.

I am really sorry to hear that your friends don't seem to be able to help. Maybe they are just not sure what to say? It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone, abuse is abuse no matter who does it.

The good news is that there is lots of help available. You have taken the first brave step by talking about it to your bf and on here. I think you will really benefit from talking to someone from the organisation rape crisis. They are lovely and are used to talking to people who have experienced abuse in relationships (most people are raped or sexually assaulted by someone they know). You can get free confidential advice and they can also signpost you to local centres where you can get counselling or speak to other people who have experienced something similar.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

freephone helpline
0808 802 9999
12 - 2.30pm
7 - 9.30pm

Please do think about contacting them as it will really help. You life does not have to be defined by what happened and it is totally possible to have loving (and sexual if you want) relationships without panic attacks - but you do need to work through the trauma and deal with what happened.

take care
Jo

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