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How long had you been together before getting engaged?

How long were you and your partner together prior to getting engaged? Should you have done it sooner, or later? How long was your engagement?

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Reply 1
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
Why do you ask? Under 25 and less than 3 years together, engagement is crazy.. Mind you I do know a few friends who went for rapid engagement and it is standing the test of time. But mostly it ends in horrible angst if you are impetuous and make commitments in the honeymoon period.
Reply 2
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RFJ
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Original post by Zarek
Why do you ask? Under 25 and less than 3 years together, engagement is crazy.. Mind you I do know a few friends who went for rapid engagement and it is standing the test of time. But mostly it ends in horrible angst if you are impetuous and make commitments in the honeymoon period.


I ask because I was out last night with my boyfriend of three years and everybody was very shocked and critical that we aren't engaged. I don't feel ready to, but was just curious about other people's situation.

I think you're right with regards to getting engaged during the honey moon period- all too easy.
You're not gonna get many answers on here! Most members are aged 18-22. I don't want to get married but I'd say people should be together for at least two years, to have lived together, and be over 26..
I have a friend aged 21 who just got engaged after courtship which lasted for just under a year (Christian). I find that my Christian friends get married very quickly! One couple got engaged after just 2 months but then broke it off about a month later when they went to Africa to do mission work.
Reply 5
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RFJ
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Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
You're not gonna get many answers on here! Most members are aged 18-22. I don't want to get married but I'd say people should be together for at least two years, to have lived together, and be over 26..


Good point- this forum probably doesn't have the right social demographic. I wouldn't live with somebody unless we were engaged, I guess we differ there!
Reply 6
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RFJ
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Original post by Autistic Merit
I have a friend aged 21 who just got engaged after courtship which lasted for just under a year (Christian). I find that my Christian friends get married very quickly! One couple got engaged after just 2 months but then broke it off about a month later when they went to Africa to do mission work.

I've noticed much the same with the more religious of my peers, they don't hang about!
Original post by RFJ


I've noticed much the same with the more religious of my peers, they don't hang about!


Never understood why though! They get married so young as well, one of my uni friends got married when she was just 18 and in her first year at uni! I know several who got married before they finished third year to someone who they had met in the first year of uni.
Original post by Autistic Merit
Never understood why though! They get married so young as well, one of my uni friends got married when she was just 18 and in her first year at uni! I know several who got married before they finished third year to someone who they had met in the first year of uni.


Because they're gagging for it! Loads of Christians won't have sex before marriage. When you're 21 and celibate I'm sure marriage seems like a logical option!
Original post by RFJ
Original post by Autistic Merit
I have a friend aged 21 who just got engaged after courtship which lasted for just under a year (Christian). I find that my Christian friends get married very quickly! One couple got engaged after just 2 months but then broke it off about a month later when they went to Africa to do mission work.


I've noticed much the same with the more religious of my peers, they don't hang about!


I agree! My mum and dad aren't married. My mum would like but it doesn't really matter, their relationship is just as happy without a "piece of paper and a ring". After growing up with two people who are somewhat dismissive of marriage, I never really cared about it. The idea is nice but also terrifying (that you are now legally bound and to break up can be a hell of a lot messier). However, I have a friend who is Catholic and she's very much into the idea of marriage, and she has many friends and relatives who are married or engaged, or at least looking to get engaged. For them, marriage seems unquestionable. It will happen. I understand why they want to but personally I'm not as fixed on the idea.
I suppose I like the idea at least of being engaged as I like what it means, that someone clearly wishes to be with you for the rest of their life and you have both agreed to do that. But marriage just isn't necessary in my mind.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now and we're happy. We've spoken about it and neither of us feel particularly ready to become engaged. It's not that we're uncertain about the relationship but neither of us feel it's necessary and we both still feel quite young, and don't want to be wrong in our choice.
Reply 10
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RFJ
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Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Because they're gagging for it! Loads of Christians won't have sex before marriage. When you're 21 and celibate I'm sure marriage seems like a logical option!


This really made me laugh, the thought had crossed my mind too...
Reply 11
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RFJ
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Original post by sliceofcake
I agree! My mum and dad aren't married. My mum would like but it doesn't really matter, their relationship is just as happy without a "piece of paper and a ring". After growing up with two people who are somewhat dismissive of marriage, I never really cared about it. The idea is nice but also terrifying (that you are now legally bound and to break up can be a hell of a lot messier). However, I have a friend who is Catholic and she's very much into the idea of marriage, and she has many friends and relatives who are married or engaged, or at least looking to get engaged. For them, marriage seems unquestionable. It will happen. I understand why they want to but personally I'm not as fixed on the idea.
I suppose I like the idea at least of being engaged as I like what it means, that someone clearly wishes to be with you for the rest of their life and you have both agreed to do that. But marriage just isn't necessary in my mind.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now and we're happy. We've spoken about it and neither of us feel particularly ready to become engaged. It's not that we're uncertain about the relationship but neither of us feel it's necessary and we both still feel quite young, and don't want to be wrong in our choice.


This is an interesting view point, I wonder perhaps if marriage is a little out of date. I like what it means as well but the legal binding appears very daunting.
Original post by RFJ
This is an interesting view point, I wonder perhaps if marriage is a little out of date. I like what it means as well but the legal binding appears very daunting.


In saying that, your relationship can only go so far before it can become difficult to get out of. In my mum and dad's case, they may not be married but their mortgage is in both of their names, so if they split up they would have difficulties with the house arrangement. If I was still a child, they would have to worry about who would keep me, or who would have me and when etc. So if relationships go on for long enough I suppose they're like a marriage anyway*, unless they always want to live apart or risk living in their partner's house, rather than having a place together.

* I suppose that's why I don't see them as necessary; if your relationship will last, you're basically married without sharing a surname (which is optional anyway). I think the biggest benefit is if one of you end up in the hospital, it will make it easier for the other to visit them in a case of emergency.
My fiancé proposed on our first anniversary (which was nearly a year ago now) :smile: Now that we're both in full-time jobs we're starting to vaguely make wedding plans, but honestly I just like the fact we're engaged :smile:

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We got engaged last year and we had been living together for 3 years and been together for 4 years overall at that point :smile:

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He proposed after 3 weeks. We got married a year later.

Religion had nothing to do with it. Would have preferred maybe a year of just being boyfriend - girlfriend since all my cards from him were addressed to fiancée or wife. :colondollar:

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(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Autistic Merit
Never understood why though! They get married so young as well, one of my uni friends got married when she was just 18 and in her first year at uni! I know several who got married before they finished third year to someone who they had met in the first year of uni.


I got married just after my first year. It's not that bad. :tongue:

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Reply 17
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RFJ
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Original post by sliceofcake
In saying that, your relationship can only go so far before it can become difficult to get out of. In my mum and dad's case, they may not be married but their mortgage is in both of their names, so if they split up they would have difficulties with the house arrangement. If I was still a child, they would have to worry about who would keep me, or who would have me and when etc. So if relationships go on for long enough I suppose they're like a marriage anyway*, unless they always want to live apart or risk living in their partner's house, rather than having a place together.

* I suppose that's why I don't see them as necessary; if your relationship will last, you're basically married without sharing a surname (which is optional anyway). I think the biggest benefit is if one of you end up in the hospital, it will make it easier for the other to visit them in a case of emergency.


I didn't think of it that way, it's difficult because if you ask the feminist then marriage is just a means of perpetuatig the cycle of female submission. However, you ask most people who are married and they'll probably say it's because they wanted to demonstrate their love, if they're demonstrating it to themselves that's great but should they be demonstrating it to others?

Practically, if the couple live together and are not married but share the responsibility of married people anyway should they not just get married? Thinking of tax breaks and ease when it comes to inheriting.
Reply 18
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RFJ
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Original post by Musie Suzie
My fiancé proposed on our first anniversary (which was nearly a year ago now) :smile: Now that we're both in full-time jobs we're starting to vaguely make wedding plans, but honestly I just like the fact we're engaged :smile:

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I think it's lovely you're enjoying your engagement, congratulations! Hopefully you'll enjoy planning a wedding too. May I ask how old you both were when you got engaged?
Reply 19
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RFJ
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Original post by Yasmin25
We got engaged last year and we had been living together for 3 years and been together for 4 years overall at that point :smile:

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Congratulations! May I ask how old you both were?

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