The Student Room Group

university or boyfriend ?

I usually wouldn't suffice to asking the internet this worryingly large question but I am stuck in the worst decision which I can not wrap my head around...

I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now,with us only making it official "boyfriend girlfriend" status in the past week, though its not like we were not exclusive! Its a weird one because ever since I met him in april we have spent pretty much 5/6 days and nights out of the week together minus a couple holidays i have been on, so out of the 6 months together i reckon ive spent over 5 months of the whole time with him! and im usually someone who sticks their nose down at that. Though its not as though we are a cringey couple we just really enjoy each others company and its a bonus we are attracted to each other. It seems too have only come into proper strong emotions recently (i thought i could go to uni easy say bye n see him time to time as mates) but noo i dislike spending one night alone now!

my terrible dilemma is that I have a place at uni which is a 5 hour drive, 7 hour train and 10 hour coach journey, im not stupid when i say its obviously not going to be the same! 3 years with that distance doesn't seem plausible even though id like it to be! there is honestly nothing more that i enjoy than my life right now i enjoy my job my life outside of it living at home with my brill parents, i would literally do anything to put it on pause!

sorry for the lecture... if anyone has bothered to read id be so thankful for advice as my brain is fried!

the options i am thinking about are
1- quickly organizing a clearing place at the uni in Leeds (my city) so i can continue my life with the benefit of uni!
-
2- just snod it and go to uni down south and hope that it may someway work ...and in the future if we are not together and im happy il be v happy with this decision? (pls don't lecture me on if you care about each other enough etc,. i like seeing him everyday!!)

3- continue work as a receptionist for another year and defer uni and think about closer unis... obviously deferring would just delay the inevitable though as my boyfriend stated (we would have another year behind our backs and would be a stronger couple) though this year has been my gap year so id be off to uni at 20!!!!

4- ****ing life and moving to Thailand

i know its only being 6 months i know im barking mad but i am honestly completely stuck!! i was exited about moving away until i realized we would actually last .......

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Never sacrifice your education for any man.


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Reply 2
Option 2 if its ment to be he'll stay.
But since April?! Thats only 4 months ago... so how have you known him for 6 and spent 5 months with him?

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TL;DR.
I literally beg you never ever to sacrifice education or work opportunities, or in fact, any amazing life opportunities for a man. Men come and go, and I'm sure this one will too. Get your education gurl.
No, I think most people will say you should choose university over a boyfriend, especially since you haven't been together that long.
Try out a long distance relationship. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, then there will be other guys.
A man is a nice addition to your life, but he is not, and never should be, your whole life.
Reply 5
Option 5 - ask him to move with you to wherever it is you're going to university?
Reply 6
Original post by beccagood95
No, I think most people will say you should choose university over a boyfriend, especially since you haven't been together that long.
Try out a long distance relationship. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, then there will be other guys.
A man is a nice addition to your life, but he is not, and never should be, your whole life.


Feminist
Original post by M1011
Feminist

If not being an idiot and refusing to let relationships get in the way of my education is being a feminist, I suppose I am. :rolleyes:
If you can honestly believe that you won't regret going to another uni and blame this guy later on then go for it. Otherwise go to the one you're meant to go and see how it goes with your relationship.

I was in a similar situation and honestly I have some regret not going to the uni I was meant to go to.

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(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by M1011
Feminist


Would say the same to men. Don't sacrifice your education for a girlfriend.

(Though I agree the use of 'nice addition' was a bit posessionist :tongue:)
Reply 10
Original post by beccagood95
If not being an idiot and refusing to let relationships get in the way of my education is being a feminist, I suppose I am. :rolleyes:


Stop your man hating!
Wrong use of the word suffice.

Also you're what 19? Relationships at that age are pretty meaningless and transient. I'd say just go to uni. If he's that fussed he can move. If not then you've still got the best years of your life ahead of you.
Your boyfriend will leave you anyway,after awhile, if you're illiterate.
Original post by M1011
Stop your man hating!


You should ask my boyfriend if I'm a man hater. He would very much disagree.
And boys would say the same. They wouldn't let a girl get in the way of their education, as it should be.
Don't be an idiot. I know it seems like you've found 'the one' right now, but I can almost guarantee that it won't last or be worth it in the long run. Don't sacrifice your education and future opportunities for one guy, just don't.
Reply 15
Original post by beccagood95
You should ask my boyfriend if I'm a man hater. He would very much disagree.
And boys would say the same. They wouldn't let a girl get in the way of their education, as it should be.


Boyfriend? OMG you're a traitor to your own cause. When you were a feminist I respected you, now... well now you're just a hippy.
Original post by Anonymous
I usually wouldn't suffice to asking the internet this worryingly large question but I am stuck in the worst decision which I can not wrap my head around...

I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now,with us only making it official "boyfriend girlfriend" status in the past week, though its not like we were not exclusive! Its a weird one because ever since I met him in april we have spent pretty much 5/6 days and nights out of the week together minus a couple holidays i have been on, so out of the 6 months together i reckon ive spent over 5 months of the whole time with him! and im usually someone who sticks their nose down at that. Though its not as though we are a cringey couple we just really enjoy each others company and its a bonus we are attracted to each other. It seems too have only come into proper strong emotions recently (i thought i could go to uni easy say bye n see him time to time as mates) but noo i dislike spending one night alone now!

my terrible dilemma is that I have a place at uni which is a 5 hour drive, 7 hour train and 10 hour coach journey, im not stupid when i say its obviously not going to be the same! 3 years with that distance doesn't seem plausible even though id like it to be! there is honestly nothing more that i enjoy than my life right now i enjoy my job my life outside of it living at home with my brill parents, i would literally do anything to put it on pause!

sorry for the lecture... if anyone has bothered to read id be so thankful for advice as my brain is fried!

the options i am thinking about are
1- quickly organizing a clearing place at the uni in Leeds (my city) so i can continue my life with the benefit of uni!
-
2- just snod it and go to uni down south and hope that it may someway work ...and in the future if we are not together and im happy il be v happy with this decision? (pls don't lecture me on if you care about each other enough etc,. i like seeing him everyday!!)

3- continue work as a receptionist for another year and defer uni and think about closer unis... obviously deferring would just delay the inevitable though as my boyfriend stated (we would have another year behind our backs and would be a stronger couple) though this year has been my gap year so id be off to uni at 20!!!!

4- ****ing life and moving to Thailand

i know its only being 6 months i know im barking mad but i am honestly completely stuck!! i was exited about moving away until i realized we would actually last .......


A lot would depend on which course you are doing - is it a silly course or a sensible one that will get you a job.
Listen, you don't know for sure whether your relationship will weaken if you decide to go to university and you also don't know whether you guys will remain together if you go to university in your home town. The thing is, we will all advice you to choose education over a guy but ultimately, it's your decision. A decision you'll be happy with in the long run. But add in common sense to the equation and you will see that knowing this person for a few months doesn't dictate whether you'll be with him forever. So why make him your priority? And make yourself mould your life around him?
That's completely illogical, imo. But hey, hope you get your answer soon :smile:

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Reply 18
Original post by M1011
Boyfriend? OMG you're a traitor to your own cause. When you were a feminist I respected you, now... well now you're just a hippy.


Do you have to hijack the thread

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Reply 19
Original post by Aph
Do you have to hijack the thread

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Aww shucks, I'm just bored at work :tongue:

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