Should I contact my high school bully?

So I was bullied at high school by a number of people but particularly by this one guy. I recently noticed him on Facebook, and was wondering if I should contact him to explain how it all made me feel. This all happened four years ago and I'm sure he's changed since then, looking at his Facebook it would appear he seems decent, nothing incriminating to suggest he was the same as all those years ago. Yet I've struggled with this for years, I can't seem to shake the feeling off, and I was wondering if I should message him? Also some advice on steps I could take to get over this bad point in my life would be much appreciated

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Reply 1

imconfused

If you don't mind me asking, what's the point? I think you should just let it go.
If you don't mind me asking why did they bully you?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by imconfused

If you don't mind me asking, what's the point? I think you should just let it go.
If you don't mind me asking why did they bully you?

Hi thank you for you're reply, the point would be to see if he felt any remorse for what he did. I'd love to let it but it's easier said than done. I got bullied basically because I wouldn't do anything back and they seized up this weakness. Also, I know it's irrational but I worry weather they'd do it again if I bumped into thek

Reply 3

Dilzo999

I remember bullying this one kid who used to live next to me, suffice to say I immensely regret it and would love the opportunity to say sorry to the guy although he's gone abroad somewhere and I can't remember his name as he didn't stick around for long. So I would say go for it, you might get an apology, you might not, still worth saying.

Reply 4

TommeDeSavoie

They probably have changed, I wouldn't bother though. Just think about the future.

Reply 5

louieee

but what would you sayyy

why

Original post by Dilzo999

Hi cheers for replying. I'm thinking I should but then again what if they haven't changed and I get abuse once more?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by KrisCussans

They probably have changed, I wouldn't bother though. Just think about the future.

Easier to say harder to do but I appreciate the sentiment

Reply 9

Dilzo999

Original post by Anonymous

Hi cheers for replying. I'm thinking I should but then again what if they haven't changed and I get abuse once more?

Then there's not much you can do if he hasn't changed, he's probably still an immature idiot if he abuses you more and the worse he can do is just say some random mean stuff on FB, if he does, block him and then get on with your life.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by louieee

but what would you sayyy

How they made me feel.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by zippity.doodah

why

For the reasons stated in the OP

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dilzo999

Yeah I guess I always have an irrational fear of bumping into said person

Reply 13

Joshale

It can go both ways, worse comes to worse he could just lead you on and troll you or something, or simply laugh at you.
Not sure if worth it tbh

Reply 14

imconfused

Original post by Anonymous

I think you shouldn't contact him, and if he was the same jerk he was, he isn't going to treat you any better.
If you didn't do anything I'm guessing you were shy and not very confident? I believe you should first of all work on yourself and be confident. And I know the past leave scars but if you do make lessons out of them, they do make you a stronger person.
If you do get to see them again they should acknowledge your change, and if he does really feel guilty about his previous actions towards you, he would probably confess without you needing to remind him.

It's still up to you, good luck with your decision :smile:

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Joshale

It can go both ways, worse comes to worse he could just lead you on and troll you or something, or simply laugh at you.
Not sure if worth it tbh

Hi thanks for replying, how do you propose I let it go?

Reply 16

Rosasaurr

I, personally, wouldnt.

I hate the people at school who bullied me and I have no interest in seeing if they can justify their actions or if they feel any remorse.

however, I'd tread very carefully. Perhaps write a letter to your bully and burn it? That way you can deal with your feelings more constructively, without risking getting a reply that opens up old wounds.

Saying that, if you are 100% you can deal with whatever response you get I would go for it.

Reply 17

mellie220

I wouldn't bother - being a bully is generally something that doesn't go away after school. They're probably still a ****.

If the bullying at school still really bothers you go see a counsellor. I still felt upset and insecure about being bullied at school even in my second year at University where I didn't have those problems anymore - talking to someone really helped me overcome those demons.

Reply 18

doodle_333

even if he regrets it he may not like being confronted by you and lash out again, there is a strong likelihood that he wont say anything to make you feel better, and even if he apologises I doubt that will bring you all that much closure, it wont change whats happened

Reply 19

Mimi2014

Original post by Anonymous

best revenge is success study and pass your course of course if you have opportunity do tell the bully how he made you feel and that you have learned to accept bullies like him and wish him luck in whatever he is doing. Have tried counselling some Unis do offer counselling which might help you to forget that experience.