Found out who my flatmates will be, really worried, thinking of not going :(

I'm starting uni next month and I've just found all my flatmates on a facebook group. This might sound ridiculous but I was really looking forward to everything about uni, I loved the idea of living with other people in halls. But now I've seen who my flatmates will be I'm really nervous. I have social anxiety and have just had a gap year which hasn't really helped. I know I shouldn't judge people on their facebook pictures but all the girls I've been put with seem to be in the 'popular' crowd, and I'm really worried that I won't fit in with them atall :frown:

I'm quite quiet and wasn't in the popular crowd at school. I'm just really worried that I'll be the odd one out in my flat and considering not going to uni now. I've considered asking to change accommodation but the uni won't let anyone change until you've started and even then I'm not sure it will be an option. Does anyone have any advice?

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Reply 1

Tai Ga

what do you mean exactly by the "popular" crowd?

Reply 2

Wonderer1

Original post by CristinaYang

I don't think that you should change your accommodation. You shouldn't judge them from looking at a few pictures and reading a few status'. You should try and get to know them first, you never know, you may get along with them and maybe even become your best friends. You never know unless you try.

Reply 3

blossomx

Remember that Facebook allows people to most things which portray them in the way they want to be portrayed, they're probably nice. :smile:

Reply 4

zeezee87

I am exactly the same but don't stress, you never know what might happen, just start off with a smile and a simple hello and u'll be okay, i know its kind of scary at first but the best things come out of these situations, just please don't stay at home, make sure u go trust me or u will regret it, this will be your chance at a fresh new chapter in you're life and you don't want to miss that :smile:

don't be scared, you'll be okayy

Reply 5

pzoDe

Trust me, it matters less at uni who was in the popular crowd at school, etc.

Reply 6

anonymousp

not sure which Uni you are going to and how important flat mates are in terms of context...

So much goes on at Uni at the start, on rare occasions people you meet or share accommodation with in first days can be the most significant in friendship groups but usually things do not turn out this way and more often people you share accommodation with in first days, quickly fall from all radars.

Often this happens in a way you do not anticipate. So for example, you meet person A and think, 'oh great etc " and hardly notice person B who turns out to be the most longstanding friend or influential friend of your life.

Personally I hate Facebook so much would dismiss anyone on it but what is it about their Facebook that made you think you did not want to go to Uni?

Reply 7

anonymousp

sorry overlooked another question, how did the gap year not help?

Reply 8

Joshale

Original post by pzoDe

Trust me, it matters less at uni who was in the popular crowd at school, etc.

probably but you usually hang with the same type of people, and I gather OP won't be one of the party animals

Reply 9

rachel.h

I didn't like my flat... bunch of pathetic try-hard girls. I was civil to them, as they were to me. But I didn't go out every night of the week and bring back a different guy every night, so I guess I was different to them!

I had loads of friends in other flats, met through my course.

So don't panic.

But hey, don't judge them by their pictures.

Reply 10

SophieSmall

Original post by CristinaYang

Hello

I was in the exact same boat in that I saw all the girls I was going to move in with for first year and I was worried I wouldn't fit in (I also have social anxiety) I was a quiet person and didn't think they'd like me. But honestly you should not let this stop you from going to uni.
I know how hard social anxiety is, but when you get there, force yourself to talk to them, hang out in the living room with the, go out with them ect. It helps it really does.

Reply 11

93jm

ye you cant tell what someone will be like just from Facebook

Reply 12

cjhamping

This is why I ain't looking at any facebook pages trying to find my flatmates. I'm scared I might judge them before I even know them, which is stupid but it might happen, same with them. I'd rather just meet them in person and see them for them, heck it's worked for years. There were times when FB wasn't around and people met and made friends with their flatmates easily enough!

Reply 13

Ruffiio

Even worse not knowing who you're going to be living with, I move in, in 9 days and I only know one other person besides me whom I'm living with. There's still 7 other people besides us two that we don't even know yet.

Reply 14

Venatal

How about this, add them on Facebook at talk to them for a bit maybe that will change your opinion on them. Also I know its hard but try not to think about it too much could cause a panic attack and nobody wants that.

Reply 15

Sanctimonious

No one is popular at university.

Reply 16

dreadpiraterach

Things to keep in mind:

1) People only post the things on Facebook that they want everyone else to see. People who appear to be popular and happy may not be. Facebook is all about keeping up appearances and there's no point making assumptions about people based on the information they share.

2) Everyone at uni is in the same boat. It's not like starting secondary school where big groups of people come from the same primary- it's very rare for someone to already know other people at uni, as people will be coming from all over the country and world. Many are living away from home for the first time and they're all out of their comfort zone. Chances are, your flatmates will be just as nervous as you.

3) Don't worry about popularity and social hierarchies etc at uni. Everyone's grown up a little bit more and there are so many people that it's just not a thing anymore. Uni is so much better than school in that respect.

4) Remember that your flatmates won't be the only people you'll meet! You'll get to know people on your course, in your societies and in the other flats nearby. If you don't get on with your flatmates that doesn't necessarily mean you won't make any friends whatsoever.

5) University is about so much more than the social side- it's about studying a subject you're interested in, improving your career prospects, gaining independence and growing as a person. Please don't throw that all away just because you're nervous about your flatmates!

tl;dr : Don't just assume you won't get on with your flatmates, and even if you don't, it's not the end of the world :smile:

Reply 17

Origami Bullets

I remember finding my flatmates on Facebook before I see started uni. One in particular I remember thinking that I wouldn't want to make friends with... We're still close friends a full three years later, and lived together throughout our degrees. The moral of the story? You can't judge a person by their Facebook profile!

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