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Boyfriend continuously lied about watching porn?

Me and my boyfriend have been together since June 2013. We had a fairly good sex life and I knew he watched porn occasionally but I didn't have much of a problem towards it seeing as we were only a few months into the relationship.

Around December time, it started to become a problem. He would brag to me about how he watched these certain pornstars and it really began to get to me so I decided to talk to him about it and explained how it was getting too much and he promised he would stop because he has me, and he loves and respects me.

During the next 8 months I still had my odd suspicions, especially as he seemed less and less interested in sex with me, but whenever I asked he swore he hadn't looked at it since December and he told me he believes it is extremely disrespectful. He even looked me straight in the eye on several occasions and promised he wasn't doing it behind my back. I told him that if he was doing it to tell me straight and to never lie, which yet again he agreed and promised with.

A few days ago I looked at my google search history to get on a page I had looked at previously, and my boyfriend uses my google account for YouTube. Then on my history I saw a lot of porn had been searched for and I know for a fact it wasn't me and only myself and my boyfriend have access to my google account.

At the time I was in a Skype call with him, so I instantly demanded the truth. He admitted to watching porn quite frequently and stated he had been lying straight to my face for months. I've been feeling sick and confused ever since, but it's definitely the lying that has got to me the most. He has sworn he's never going to do it again but after the 8 months of continuous lying and going behind my back, Can I trust him?

Also to mention that during these 8 months he's been refusing to do anything sexual to me, and isn't up for sex with me much anymore.

Some advice would be great and much appreciated, I'm just unsure if I can trust him again

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Well you shouldn't have told him not to watch porn in the first place...

As for the lack of sex talk to him and ask him why..
Reply 2
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Well you shouldn't have told him not to watch porn in the first place...

As for the lack of sex talk to him and ask him why..


He gets extremely angry and defensive if I bring up anything to do with sex or porn, so the communication between us isn't good
Original post by Rosie06
He gets extremely angry and defensive if I bring up anything to do with sex or porn, so the communication between us isn't good


I feel for you and he might jerking off to it thats what boys do with porn
You really started to cause a problem when you told your boyfriend to stop watching porn. I can understand why what he was saying made you feel uncomfortable, but what he watches in private is absolutely none of your business insofar as he doesn't involve you in it. You should have simply told him that you'd rather not hear about it.

Maybe just tell him that his is a bit of a mess and you want everything out in the open, that he can watch what he wants but you aren't interested in hearing about it? I've got a suspicion he was probably trying to introduce something kinky into your relationship without explicitly requesting it.
Original post by Naeemmussa
I feel for you and he might jerking off to it thats what boys do with porn


"And our top story this evening folks: bear poops in woods! We'll have more details after these messages."

:rolleyes:
gets a man to stop watching porn

wonders why he is becoming distant with her


Do him a favor, break up with him, he will find someone a little less ...prudish, and you can (try) find yourself your this mythical man who does not watch porn, everybody is happy.
What's your problem with porn?
Pretty much every guy watches porn (even in a relationship), lots of women watch porn and plenty of couples watch it together.

Perhaps he doesn't want to have sex with you as you're bad in bed? I can't really see a prudish girl who isn't open minded enough to 'allow' her boyfriend to watch porn, being particularly good sexually to be honest.
Wow what's wrong with your boyfriend watching porn? Seriously...
Whilst I agree with all of the previous posters, insofar as 'there is nothing wrong with watching porn', I kinda think some of you are missing the whole point. Watching porn, whether you are single, dating or in a relationship is absolutely fine until it has an impact on your relationship and if they're not sleeping together because of it then it is an issue, whether that be 'cause OP can't trust him or because he's obsessed with / addicted to watching porn.

Short of talking to him and trying to improve the communication in your relationship, I don't see what else you can do. If the communication isn't good and can't improve, maybe it's not worth continuing with the relationship, for either of your sakes.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Scoobiedoobiedo
What's your problem with porn?
Pretty much every guy watches porn (even in a relationship), lots of women watch porn and plenty of couples watch it together.

Perhaps he doesn't want to have sex with you as you're bad in bed? I can't really see a prudish girl who isn't open minded enough to 'allow' her boyfriend to watch porn, being particularly good sexually to be honest.


I assume she asked him to stop as it made her feel very uncomfortable when he told her about all these porn stars & crazy stuff he was watching. I know if my boyfriend did that it would seem really weird, plus a lot of people view watching porn as a form of cheating on your partner, almost saying they're not enough. Also since they've not been going out that long and she said the communication isn't great watching it together probably wouldn't work.

I personally have no issue with porn & wouldn't mind if my bf watched it, I definitely do see where she's coming from though!
You can't force a guy to stop watching porn. As for the fact you guys haven't had sex for EIGHT MONTHS, that's a bigger red flag than anything else. Tbh it sounds like a dead relationship, maybe time to move on.
Original post by acciolucy
I assume she asked him to stop as it made her feel very uncomfortable when he told her about all these porn stars & crazy stuff he was watching. I know if my boyfriend did that it would seem really weird, plus a lot of people view watching porn as a form of cheating on your partner, almost saying they're not enough. Also since they've not been going out that long and she said the communication isn't great watching it together probably wouldn't work.

I personally have no issue with porn & wouldn't mind if my bf watched it, I definitely do see where she's coming from though!


Women who say things like that come across as very insecure, which isn't attractive and probably doesn't help the problem. Having said that, there is obviously a big difference between somebody trading pictures or going on webcam with a specific person, and just looking at generic porn from time to time.

At the end of the day you need to be sexually compatible with who ever you're with. OP needs to find a guy who doesn't watch porn, that may take a while though...

He probably finds communicating with her difficult as she was so open about being anti porn (which is fine if that's how she/other women feel, but you need to find somebody sexually compatible, not start making demands). She should have a grown up conversation with him and find out why he watches porn so much.

Perhaps he is addicted/it has become a habit, and if she supports him and he feels that he can talk to her about it without being judged and hated, he will cut down/stop.

Perhaps he watches it to indulge in specific fetishes/fantasies that either are purely in his head and he wants to keep that way, or he knows/feels that his girlfriend will not be interested in.

Perhaps he watches porn so much as all he gets with her is vanilla sex..? Could well be wrong, but close minded insecure girls who make demands of their boyfriend generally tend not to be very good or adventurous in bed, in my opinion.

At the end of the day it needs a grown up conversation, without the fear of judgment and without demands and accusations being made.
I wouldn't trust him one bit. It's not like you wasn't ok with him watching a bit of porn in the first place - you were. But he took it WAY too far by bragging and talking about the pornstars he watches - that's so screwed up and has got to be done to make you feel jealous/insecure. It's no wonder you asked him to stop watching it. Then the whole lying to your face about it.. who's to say he isn't lying about other stuff? Guys that stop having sex with their girlfriends are often cheating on them with another girl.. If he can lie about that he can lie about anything and you can't trust someone like that. I almost wonder if he's only admitted watching porn because it's better than admitting he's cheating on you.. Sorry if that hurts, I just want to help by giving you how I see it..

For the record, I don't care if my boyf watches porn, it's not an issue whatsoever, HOWEVER, if that porn was getting in the way of our sex life, or he was watching it so much that it seemed like an obsession, there'd be a big issue in our relationship. Porn should be the thing that gets you off when a girl can't.. if it's the thing you're using all the time to get off when you're even in a relationship - then the dude has a big problem.
Reply 14
Original post by Freudian Slip
Whilst I agree with all of the previous posters, insofar as 'there is nothing wrong with watching porn', I kinda think some of you are missing the whole point. Watching porn, whether you are single, dating or in a relationship is absolutely fine until it has an impact on your relationship and if they're not sleeping together because of it then it is an issue, whether that be 'cause OP can't trust him or because he's obsessed with / addicted to watching porn.

Short of talking to him and trying to improve the communication in your relationship, I don't see what else you can do. If the communication isn't good and can't improve, maybe it's not worth continuing with the relationship, for either of your sakes.


Agree with this 100%. If OP's boyfriend was constantly bringing it up and talking about it I can entirely understand why she ask him to stop mentioning it. It isn't supposed to have an impact on your relationship.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
You can't force a guy to stop watching porn. As for the fact you guys haven't had sex for EIGHT MONTHS, that's a bigger red flag than anything else. Tbh it sounds like a dead relationship, maybe time to move on.


Totally agree with this one. And actually doing that regularly leads to much better sex, hence probably why you haven't been getting any. Although its pretty crushing to have someone lie to your face for 8 months, it is clearly something he felt he had to hide from you and so naturally communication in your relationship will break down. Perhaps for future relationships you should grow a thick skin and turn a blind eye, its not as if he was at a strip club every night stuffing notes into a stripper's g-string. My boyfriend keeps this dream catcher from his ex above his bed despite the fact we've been together for 2 years and still has old presents and cards and stuff in his drawers. Its none of my business so I don't let it bother me.
Ctrl+Shift+N problem solved
Original post by Tyrion_Lannister
Well you shouldn't have told him not to watch porn in the first place...

As for the lack of sex talk to him and ask him why..


If he disagreed with that he should have said so, rather than pretend to agree. It doesn't excuse his lying in anyway.
I'd probably end the relationship tbh. Lying is unacceptable to me, especially for months on end. He doesn't respect you and takes the view 'what you don't know doesn't hurt you'. If you're cool with that then great, but I wouldn't be.
Reply 19
Original post by Emememily733
I wouldn't trust him one bit. It's not like you wasn't ok with him watching a bit of porn in the first place - you were. But he took it WAY too far by bragging and talking about the pornstars he watches - that's so screwed up and has got to be done to make you feel jealous/insecure. It's no wonder you asked him to stop watching it. Then the whole lying to your face about it.. who's to say he isn't lying about other stuff? Guys that stop having sex with their girlfriends are often cheating on them with another girl.. If he can lie about that he can lie about anything and you can't trust someone like that. I almost wonder if he's only admitted watching porn because it's better than admitting he's cheating on you.. Sorry if that hurts, I just want to help by giving you how I see it..

For the record, I don't care if my boyf watches porn, it's not an issue whatsoever, HOWEVER, if that porn was getting in the way of our sex life, or he was watching it so much that it seemed like an obsession, there'd be a big issue in our relationship. Porn should be the thing that gets you off when a girl can't.. if it's the thing you're using all the time to get off when you're even in a relationship - then the dude has a big problem.


Thank you so much, you honestly just summed it up! People saying it's my fault for trying to force him to stop... I never had a problem with it, until he started bragging and it was affecting our sex life. Therefore I spoke to him about it and told him I felt, it was his own decision to swear he would never do it again because he claimed he was respectful and didn't need it, yet again his own words, I didn't force him to say that.

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