He has no self- confidence

Hi,

I've been with my fiancé for just over a year, having known him since I started at university a couple of years ago. In that time we have had the usual ups and downs, experienced by most couples, and have been separated in the past year due to a change in his work commitments. Nevertheless, we remain in regular contact, see each other weekly, and have overall been very happy together.

My only persistent worry however has been his lack of self confidence. Even before we came together, I was well aware of his shyness and modesty, being of a similar introverted nature myself, but never did I realise just how self critical and judgemental he was. He is reluctant to believe my compliments, whether they be about his appearance or achievements, and has consistently denied himself the right to believe his entitlement to me, as a partner. All too often he claims that he 'is not worthy or me', or that he would understand if I were to 'fall in love with another man'. Despite my constant assurance that he is the One for me, and also my reminders that such comments hurt me, he continues to say them.

I know he has been treated badly throughout his life (he is a number of years older than me), and that our difference may be looked upon negatively by some, but I really do wish I could somehow help him to establish his long lost self confidence and worth. He already has come on 'in leaps and bounds' since we came together, but I still feel we have a way to go. His lack of self confidence is affecting us in the times we have our 'downs', but I know that he loves me most deeply and sincerely, and intends to spend his future with me. I just wish we could find a way to settle his mind!

Could anyone help? Thank you!

I don't know what so suggest other than perseverance. Tell him often how much you appreciate him and how lucky you are to have him. If he questions it explain what you appreciate about him and he won't be able to argue with that. If you tell someone something often enough they start to believe it. It's also likely he'll become more secure and confident the longer you two are together. Next time he says something like he'll understand if you fall in love with another guy, point out that that comment is not a very flattering portrayal of you. Ask him if he's questioning your love for him. If you turn it around so it's about you rather than him, he'll realising how his lack of self confidence is affecting your relationship.

I don't know what so suggest other than perseverance. Tell him often how much you appreciate him and how lucky you are to have him. If he questions it explain what you appreciate about him and he won't be able to argue with that. If you tell someone something often enough they start to believe it. It's also likely he'll become more secure and confident the longer you two are together. Next time he says something like he'll understand if you fall in love with another guy, point out that that comment is not a very flattering portrayal of you. Ask him if he's questioning your love for him. If you turn it around so it's about you rather than him, he'll realising how his lack of self confidence is affecting your relationship.

Hi,

I've been with my fiancé for just over a year, having known him since I started at university a couple of years ago. In that time we have had the usual ups and downs, experienced by most couples, and have been separated in the past year due to a change in his work commitments. Nevertheless, we remain in regular contact, see each other weekly, and have overall been very happy together.

My only persistent worry however has been his lack of self confidence. Even before we came together, I was well aware of his shyness and modesty, being of a similar introverted nature myself, but never did I realise just how self critical and judgemental he was. He is reluctant to believe my compliments, whether they be about his appearance or achievements, and has consistently denied himself the right to believe his entitlement to me, as a partner. All too often he claims that he 'is not worthy or me', or that he would understand if I were to 'fall in love with another man'. Despite my constant assurance that he is the One for me, and also my reminders that such comments hurt me, he continues to say them.

I know he has been treated badly throughout his life (he is a number of years older than me), and that our difference may be looked upon negatively by some, but I really do wish I could somehow help him to establish his long lost self confidence and worth. He already has come on 'in leaps and bounds' since we came together, but I still feel we have a way to go. His lack of self confidence is affecting us in the times we have our 'downs', but I know that he loves me most deeply and sincerely, and intends to spend his future with me. I just wish we could find a way to settle his mind!

Could anyone help? Thank you!

Hi,

I've been with my fiancé for just over a year, having known him since I started at university a couple of years ago. In that time we have had the usual ups and downs, experienced by most couples, and have been separated in the past year due to a change in his work commitments. Nevertheless, we remain in regular contact, see each other weekly, and have overall been very happy together.

My only persistent worry however has been his lack of self confidence. Even before we came together, I was well aware of his shyness and modesty, being of a similar introverted nature myself, but never did I realise just how self critical and judgemental he was. He is reluctant to believe my compliments, whether they be about his appearance or achievements, and has consistently denied himself the right to believe his entitlement to me, as a partner. All too often he claims that he 'is not worthy or me', or that he would understand if I were to 'fall in love with another man'. Despite my constant assurance that he is the One for me, and also my reminders that such comments hurt me, he continues to say them.

I know he has been treated badly throughout his life (he is a number of years older than me), and that our difference may be looked upon negatively by some, but I really do wish I could somehow help him to establish his long lost self confidence and worth. He already has come on 'in leaps and bounds' since we came together, but I still feel we have a way to go. His lack of self confidence is affecting us in the times we have our 'downs', but I know that he loves me most deeply and sincerely, and intends to spend his future with me. I just wish we could find a way to settle his mind!

Could anyone help? Thank you!