Emigrate or stay with partner
Hi all,
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all,
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Go if you want to, there's no point wasting your life if you aren't happy and missing out. He sounds very unreasonable saying that because he won't go, you have to stay.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all,
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Well, it depends who is waiting for you there, do you have anyone? family, cousins, friends? (Don't underestimate home sickness) Advice nr.1
Since you've been together for 4 years, it's gonna take a while (more than couple of months) to get over your other half, might even get depressed because of it, when you're down under so keep that in mind. Advice nr. 2
There's good and bad everywhere, make sure you do your best in anticipating what life can be like there, it's different visiting and living somewhere, especially if you're starting off fresh there leaving your old folks and relatives, friends behind. Advice nr. 3
I myself am not from here, I didn't have the dilemma of staying with someone or not, but I did get homesickness and felt at times why am I here, still do and life over here compared to where I'm from doesn't seem all that much better, like I'd probably would've been fine staying. Most likely you'll notice that you'll stay in touch with only a few people that you know and the rest won't matter anymore.
Essentially you'll have to chose one or the other. The fact he's so stubborn is probably because he does not want you to go away and that he loves you, but it's also a sign that you two have some differences.
Some people grow up and die, close to where they were born. Others have a need to go beyond familiar ground.
I'm the latter, there was nothing wrong with my hometown or life back there, but I just felt like that's what I want to do, go see what's life like elsewhere and that's how I ended up in London, got my degree here and planning to maybe work for few years more here. After that, I'll go off somewhere else and have no idea where eventually I'll settle.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all,
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
I have been with my other half for 4 years and ever since I was a kid I wanted to move to Australia (been there many times before) I have a good academic background, and skills so hopefully sponsorship when I am there... However my partner is point blank refusing to go, and never will go (very close to parents) but this is all I have ever wanted... I have tried talking to him and he just responds with "I will never go, so you will just have to stay here, as I won't leave"
I have suggested going for a year or so... NOPE!!! Do I stay and not be happy apart from the person I am with, or leave?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Quite a difficult one to be honest, 4 years is a long time and does say a lot about you two - unless you have never really been that happy and you are always fighting?
This is a huge huge decision and will affect how your life is going to be for the coming years so I wouldn't take it lightly! Think about it carefully - are you just packing up and going or do you have someone/something there. Have you got any savings? Do you have permission to stay indefinitely?
The fact that you have been together for four years indicates you have a good strong connection but in the grand scheme of life, fours years isn't that much - there are people who are in a relationship for 20 years and then realise, I have been doing it all wrong and turn their life up side down and leave their partner.
I reckon for you this is like an urge, something you feel you just have to do but like others said, think about it carefully
Sorry this is an awfully constructed post XD
Original post by McMicheal
Well, it depends who is waiting for you there, do you have anyone? family, cousins, friends? (Don't underestimate home sickness) Advice nr.1
Since you've been together for 4 years, it's gonna take a while (more than couple of months) to get over your other half, might even get depressed because of it, when you're down under so keep that in mind. Advice nr. 2
There's good and bad everywhere, make sure you do your best in anticipating what life can be like there, it's different visiting and living somewhere, especially if you're starting off fresh there leaving your old folks and relatives, friends behind. Advice nr. 3
I myself am not from here, I didn't have the dilemma of staying with someone or not, but I did get homesickness and felt at times why am I here, still do and life over here compared to where I'm from doesn't seem all that much better, like I'd probably would've been fine staying. Most likely you'll notice that you'll stay in touch with only a few people that you know and the rest won't matter anymore.
Essentially you'll have to chose one or the other. The fact he's so stubborn is probably because he does not want you to go away and that he loves you, but it's also a sign that you two have some differences.
Some people grow up and die, close to where they were born. Others have a need to go beyond familiar ground.
I'm the latter, there was nothing wrong with my hometown or life back there, but I just felt like that's what I want to do, go see what's life like elsewhere and that's how I ended up in London, got my degree here and planning to maybe work for few years more here. After that, I'll go off somewhere else and have no idea where eventually I'll settle.
Since you've been together for 4 years, it's gonna take a while (more than couple of months) to get over your other half, might even get depressed because of it, when you're down under so keep that in mind. Advice nr. 2
There's good and bad everywhere, make sure you do your best in anticipating what life can be like there, it's different visiting and living somewhere, especially if you're starting off fresh there leaving your old folks and relatives, friends behind. Advice nr. 3
I myself am not from here, I didn't have the dilemma of staying with someone or not, but I did get homesickness and felt at times why am I here, still do and life over here compared to where I'm from doesn't seem all that much better, like I'd probably would've been fine staying. Most likely you'll notice that you'll stay in touch with only a few people that you know and the rest won't matter anymore.
Essentially you'll have to chose one or the other. The fact he's so stubborn is probably because he does not want you to go away and that he loves you, but it's also a sign that you two have some differences.
Some people grow up and die, close to where they were born. Others have a need to go beyond familiar ground.
I'm the latter, there was nothing wrong with my hometown or life back there, but I just felt like that's what I want to do, go see what's life like elsewhere and that's how I ended up in London, got my degree here and planning to maybe work for few years more here. After that, I'll go off somewhere else and have no idea where eventually I'll settle.
Thanks for the advice... Much appreciated
Where are you originally from? I just think there is a big world out there and I should explore it... I have always wanted to!!!
In terms of home sickness, I am not that bothered about, I live so far away from my family now that I see them one every few months!
Original post by Inazuma
Go if you want to, there's no point wasting your life if you aren't happy and missing out. He sounds very unreasonable saying that because he won't go, you have to stay.
He says things like... "your nephews will resent you when they are older if you go" making me feel really bad about going or wanting to go!
Original post by Anonymous
He says things like... "your nephews will resent you when they are older if you go" making me feel really bad about going or wanting to go!
Well now that's not the best basis for a healthy relationship is it.. guilt tripping.
I don't think he should be holding you back let alone guilt tripping you over it, especially if he's known for a while you wanted to.
It sounds as though you're not really a relationship or person, person. You're not that bothered about your family or your boyfriend really.
It's not a criticism just a statement of fact.
I think you do need to have a straightforward discussion about this with him. He may be very worried about leaving friends and family who may mean much more to him than your family etc do to you. You are putting yourself first and ignoring his feelings and any responsibilities you may have towards your family here.
You're more into new experiences and the adventure than he is so it would no doubt make him unhappy to emigrate.
In the end you will have to choose between your relationship and Australia. I think we all know the answer to the problem. You just aren't really into him despite having been with him for 4 years. I guess this is what you have to come to terms with and be honest about to him. I expect what is really upsetting him is exactly this realisation : that you are not going to adapt for him. Better that he and you realise that your relationship is not very strong now and you have different priorities rather finding out many years down the line.
It's not a criticism just a statement of fact.
I think you do need to have a straightforward discussion about this with him. He may be very worried about leaving friends and family who may mean much more to him than your family etc do to you. You are putting yourself first and ignoring his feelings and any responsibilities you may have towards your family here.
You're more into new experiences and the adventure than he is so it would no doubt make him unhappy to emigrate.
In the end you will have to choose between your relationship and Australia. I think we all know the answer to the problem. You just aren't really into him despite having been with him for 4 years. I guess this is what you have to come to terms with and be honest about to him. I expect what is really upsetting him is exactly this realisation : that you are not going to adapt for him. Better that he and you realise that your relationship is not very strong now and you have different priorities rather finding out many years down the line.
This is purely my personal opinion, and based on my personal experiences.
I think that he shouldn't be saying 'no' point blank. There should at least be room for compromise, for thought, maybe even the two of you visiting there together on a holiday. If you stayed in this country and never lived in Australia, would you be happy enough? Or would you always regret not going?
I've made decisions in favour of relationships so many times. I once had the opportunity to work in Africa for three months, and my boyfriend at the time told me that if I went, he'd leave me. So I didn't go. I wish I'd gone - we broke up in the end anyway, and he was obviously only thinking about himself.
I would suggest the two of you taking a trip there, even if it's just for a week or two, and go from there.
I think that he shouldn't be saying 'no' point blank. There should at least be room for compromise, for thought, maybe even the two of you visiting there together on a holiday. If you stayed in this country and never lived in Australia, would you be happy enough? Or would you always regret not going?
I've made decisions in favour of relationships so many times. I once had the opportunity to work in Africa for three months, and my boyfriend at the time told me that if I went, he'd leave me. So I didn't go. I wish I'd gone - we broke up in the end anyway, and he was obviously only thinking about himself.
I would suggest the two of you taking a trip there, even if it's just for a week or two, and go from there.
Original post by pickup
It sounds as though you're not really a relationship or person, person. You're not that bothered about your family or your boyfriend really.
It's not a criticism just a statement of fact.
I think you do need to have a straightforward discussion about this with him. He may be very worried about leaving friends and family who may mean much more to him than your family etc do to you. You are putting yourself first and ignoring his feelings and any responsibilities you may have towards your family here.
You're more into new experiences and the adventure than he is so it would no doubt make him unhappy to emigrate.
In the end you will have to choose between your relationship and Australia. I think we all know the answer to the problem. You just aren't really into him despite having been with him for 4 years. I guess this is what you have to come to terms with and be honest about to him. I expect what is really upsetting him is exactly this realisation : that you are not going to adapt for him. Better that he and you realise that your relationship is not very strong now and you have different priorities rather finding out many years down the line.
It's not a criticism just a statement of fact.
I think you do need to have a straightforward discussion about this with him. He may be very worried about leaving friends and family who may mean much more to him than your family etc do to you. You are putting yourself first and ignoring his feelings and any responsibilities you may have towards your family here.
You're more into new experiences and the adventure than he is so it would no doubt make him unhappy to emigrate.
In the end you will have to choose between your relationship and Australia. I think we all know the answer to the problem. You just aren't really into him despite having been with him for 4 years. I guess this is what you have to come to terms with and be honest about to him. I expect what is really upsetting him is exactly this realisation : that you are not going to adapt for him. Better that he and you realise that your relationship is not very strong now and you have different priorities rather finding out many years down the line.
I agree with you, and you have made some good points.. however my boyfriend is not quite the saint, he gets absolutely hammered on at least 3 days a week and treats me like absolute ****!!
If I was truly in love I wouldn't think about leaving huh?
Original post by carlaraptor
This is purely my personal opinion, and based on my personal experiences.
I think that he shouldn't be saying 'no' point blank. There should at least be room for compromise, for thought, maybe even the two of you visiting there together on a holiday. If you stayed in this country and never lived in Australia, would you be happy enough? Or would you always regret not going?
I've made decisions in favour of relationships so many times. I once had the opportunity to work in Africa for three months, and my boyfriend at the time told me that if I went, he'd leave me. So I didn't go. I wish I'd gone - we broke up in the end anyway, and he was obviously only thinking about himself.
I would suggest the two of you taking a trip there, even if it's just for a week or two, and go from there.
I think that he shouldn't be saying 'no' point blank. There should at least be room for compromise, for thought, maybe even the two of you visiting there together on a holiday. If you stayed in this country and never lived in Australia, would you be happy enough? Or would you always regret not going?
I've made decisions in favour of relationships so many times. I once had the opportunity to work in Africa for three months, and my boyfriend at the time told me that if I went, he'd leave me. So I didn't go. I wish I'd gone - we broke up in the end anyway, and he was obviously only thinking about himself.
I would suggest the two of you taking a trip there, even if it's just for a week or two, and go from there.
Do you think you would go to Africa now? I honestly do not want any regrets!! We have been to Australia many times before together.... he won't budge (mammy's boy)
Original post by Anonymous
Do you think you would go to Africa now? I honestly do not want any regrets!! We have been to Australia many times before together.... he won't budge (mammy's boy)
If I had the three months spare, sure. I'm about to start an Access course so I want to be here for the forseeable, but random little excursions would be something I'd want to do in the future. I have no idea if I'll always want to live in this country. I probably will, but I'm open minded.
I also had a pretty rubbish relationship at the time, to be honest. If your relationship is a good/happy/healthy one, it needs more time and thought.
Tricky situation, I feel for you OP.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the advice... Much appreciated
Where are you originally from? I just think there is a big world out there and I should explore it... I have always wanted to!!!
In terms of home sickness, I am not that bothered about, I live so far away from my family now that I see them one every few months!
Where are you originally from? I just think there is a big world out there and I should explore it... I have always wanted to!!!
In terms of home sickness, I am not that bothered about, I live so far away from my family now that I see them one every few months!
Well you won't find out what's the world like out there, by staying here. And people that matter you'll keep in touch with, ones that don't you'll forget.
About home sickness, I had exactly same thoughts. It affects different people differently, but I find it's more about whether you think your life somewhere you've moved to, is better than what probably you would've had staying where you were.
It depends where your family is now obviously, but I assume they're gonna be one hell of the way further when you're in Australia. And if you plan on living there, then keeping in touch and visiting could be challenging. Family is always family, most friends come & go though.
Life's easier if you stay in touch with family, it gets really awkward if you neglect that, talking from personal experience.
I'm from Lithuania.
Original post by Anonymous
I agree with you, and you have made some good points.. however my boyfriend is not quite the saint, he gets absolutely hammered on at least 3 days a week and treats me like absolute ****!!
If I was truly in love I wouldn't think about leaving huh?
If I was truly in love I wouldn't think about leaving huh?
Well, then you should go and break up with him. The only question is why on earth you've stayed with him all these years? Sounds like you've been wasting your time.
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