Getting past the friend zone
So here's my story.. need a bit of advice
So this girl and I are going into our second year of a university in London (Not going to specify where).. i kinda wanna stop messing about like i did in my freshers year.. So for now lets call her Jane (Not her actual name obvs)... I met Jane last November at a Halloween flat party.. Went pretty well, ended up making out, went back to mine made out some more and then back to hers.. We didn't actually do anything past going topless. A couple days later we went out for Dinner which also went well, went to a pretty classy place went back to campus hugged and kissed and said our byes...
For some reason we completely drifted at this point and didn't speak to each other properly until about easter.. We went to a couple flat parties together and went to the student nightclub.. Again same thing happened twice where we went back to mine and made out, now she's not easy (which i love) and again it didn't go past being topless.. We went out for lunch a few times...
Now its the summer holidays... we started to plan a holiday, ended up decided on Prague.. Out of respect i thought it'd be good to meet the parents so they knew who was taking their daughter abroad.. We ended up getting on really well, her dad is a legend btw..
And then a month later we went to Prague for a weekend. However, when we booked it Jane clearly stated that she wanted to go as 'friends'. So i ended up having to get twin beds.. Holiday went well and we've been chatting since..
Now im kinda a little bit crazy about Jane and so i wanna blast out of the friend zone and get her to be in a relationship with me... Im not just looking for a lay, i genuinely want her for her.
If anyone has any advice for my predicament that would be awesome!
So this girl and I are going into our second year of a university in London (Not going to specify where).. i kinda wanna stop messing about like i did in my freshers year.. So for now lets call her Jane (Not her actual name obvs)... I met Jane last November at a Halloween flat party.. Went pretty well, ended up making out, went back to mine made out some more and then back to hers.. We didn't actually do anything past going topless. A couple days later we went out for Dinner which also went well, went to a pretty classy place went back to campus hugged and kissed and said our byes...
For some reason we completely drifted at this point and didn't speak to each other properly until about easter.. We went to a couple flat parties together and went to the student nightclub.. Again same thing happened twice where we went back to mine and made out, now she's not easy (which i love) and again it didn't go past being topless.. We went out for lunch a few times...
Now its the summer holidays... we started to plan a holiday, ended up decided on Prague.. Out of respect i thought it'd be good to meet the parents so they knew who was taking their daughter abroad.. We ended up getting on really well, her dad is a legend btw..
And then a month later we went to Prague for a weekend. However, when we booked it Jane clearly stated that she wanted to go as 'friends'. So i ended up having to get twin beds.. Holiday went well and we've been chatting since..
Now im kinda a little bit crazy about Jane and so i wanna blast out of the friend zone and get her to be in a relationship with me... Im not just looking for a lay, i genuinely want her for her.
If anyone has any advice for my predicament that would be awesome!
Tbh though if he's made out with her on multiple occasions and even went on a date ( presuming you made it explicit its an actual date ) surely she see's him more than "just a friend" , it seems quite complicated.
If I was you i'd just give her an ultimatum or something and communicate. Possibly fwb idk
If I was you i'd just give her an ultimatum or something and communicate. Possibly fwb idk
I think you need to maintain some momentum if you want to get together with someone. It can move fast or slow but things need to be moving in the right direction. If you have long breaks where you aren't seeing each other and just expect to suddenly turn up and then start getting off with her again then from her perspective it looks a bit odd, it's as though you see her as some easy entertainment.
If you've been getting to know a girl and then something happens that's a clear signal of you both being interested, eg getting off with each other and ending up topless as you say, then you have to escalate the interaction after that not let it drift, if you are serious about her you should have at that point started spending more time with her and actually talk things through like what you want from each other. Some people want to be 'just friends' but have it as a friends with benefits thing which can work if both parties want it, other people want to turn that in to actually becoming a couple and seeing how things go. But you have to discuss with her what you both want, if you just leave it and then expect to re-emerge later, things will have just moved on.
If you've been getting to know a girl and then something happens that's a clear signal of you both being interested, eg getting off with each other and ending up topless as you say, then you have to escalate the interaction after that not let it drift, if you are serious about her you should have at that point started spending more time with her and actually talk things through like what you want from each other. Some people want to be 'just friends' but have it as a friends with benefits thing which can work if both parties want it, other people want to turn that in to actually becoming a couple and seeing how things go. But you have to discuss with her what you both want, if you just leave it and then expect to re-emerge later, things will have just moved on.
I think you should have sealed the deal back when you were kissing, getting intimate etc. By not making a move and not following up on the dates, she probably thought you weren't interested.
Going as friends thing - it could be that she was nervous/not ready about going on holiday with someone she's not properly committed to in a relationship - so she may have set the boundaries for that (I'm trying to put a positive angle!)
To move things forward, you have to be open, ask her out properly and then follow it up suitably by telling her you like her and would like things to progress to the next stage - but do that in a more romantic way!
Best of luck!
Going as friends thing - it could be that she was nervous/not ready about going on holiday with someone she's not properly committed to in a relationship - so she may have set the boundaries for that (I'm trying to put a positive angle!)
To move things forward, you have to be open, ask her out properly and then follow it up suitably by telling her you like her and would like things to progress to the next stage - but do that in a more romantic way!
Best of luck!
Basically, you had your chance and you blew it. You can't get a girl topless and then not smash it, that's projecting completely the wrong image. She must see you as some kind of sexless man-child after a stunt like that.
Look: you can probably give it one more go, get drunk together, flirt and escalate like your life depended upon it to try and shift her image of you to something more adult and empowered, and see if you can initiate something, but if it doesn't work, move on.
You may find that if you do genuinely move on, see her a lot less, and start seeing other girls, she will suddenly snap to her senses and realises she wants to pound you senseless. Or she may not. Such is life.
Look: you can probably give it one more go, get drunk together, flirt and escalate like your life depended upon it to try and shift her image of you to something more adult and empowered, and see if you can initiate something, but if it doesn't work, move on.
You may find that if you do genuinely move on, see her a lot less, and start seeing other girls, she will suddenly snap to her senses and realises she wants to pound you senseless. Or she may not. Such is life.
Original post by Anonymous
So here's my story.. need a bit of advice
So this girl and I are going into our second year of a university in London (Not going to specify where).. i kinda wanna stop messing about like i did in my freshers year.. So for now lets call her Jane (Not her actual name obvs)... I met Jane last November at a Halloween flat party.. Went pretty well, ended up making out, went back to mine made out some more and then back to hers.. We didn't actually do anything past going topless. A couple days later we went out for Dinner which also went well, went to a pretty classy place went back to campus hugged and kissed and said our byes...
For some reason we completely drifted at this point and didn't speak to each other properly until about easter.. We went to a couple flat parties together and went to the student nightclub.. Again same thing happened twice where we went back to mine and made out, now she's not easy (which i love) and again it didn't go past being topless.. We went out for lunch a few times...
Now its the summer holidays... we started to plan a holiday, ended up decided on Prague.. Out of respect i thought it'd be good to meet the parents so they knew who was taking their daughter abroad.. We ended up getting on really well, her dad is a legend btw..
And then a month later we went to Prague for a weekend. However, when we booked it Jane clearly stated that she wanted to go as 'friends'. So i ended up having to get twin beds.. Holiday went well and we've been chatting since..
Now im kinda a little bit crazy about Jane and so i wanna blast out of the friend zone and get her to be in a relationship with me... Im not just looking for a lay, i genuinely want her for her.
If anyone has any advice for my predicament that would be awesome!
So this girl and I are going into our second year of a university in London (Not going to specify where).. i kinda wanna stop messing about like i did in my freshers year.. So for now lets call her Jane (Not her actual name obvs)... I met Jane last November at a Halloween flat party.. Went pretty well, ended up making out, went back to mine made out some more and then back to hers.. We didn't actually do anything past going topless. A couple days later we went out for Dinner which also went well, went to a pretty classy place went back to campus hugged and kissed and said our byes...
For some reason we completely drifted at this point and didn't speak to each other properly until about easter.. We went to a couple flat parties together and went to the student nightclub.. Again same thing happened twice where we went back to mine and made out, now she's not easy (which i love) and again it didn't go past being topless.. We went out for lunch a few times...
Now its the summer holidays... we started to plan a holiday, ended up decided on Prague.. Out of respect i thought it'd be good to meet the parents so they knew who was taking their daughter abroad.. We ended up getting on really well, her dad is a legend btw..
And then a month later we went to Prague for a weekend. However, when we booked it Jane clearly stated that she wanted to go as 'friends'. So i ended up having to get twin beds.. Holiday went well and we've been chatting since..
Now im kinda a little bit crazy about Jane and so i wanna blast out of the friend zone and get her to be in a relationship with me... Im not just looking for a lay, i genuinely want her for her.
If anyone has any advice for my predicament that would be awesome!
Sorry but... wtf?
When she said "let's go as friends", what you should have said was:
"Errr, wtf? We made out multiple times and we are planning a holiday together, I don't want to be your friend, I want to be your boyfriend, bitch".
Now, obviously you didn't say that, but you obviously want to be her boyfriend. So the correct thing to do is to say to her:
"I made a mistake, I like you and I want to be your boyfriend."
Now, if she says no, then you like her, and she only likes you as a friend, so you should stop being friends and move on.
When she said "let's go as friends", what you should have said was:
"Errr, wtf? We made out multiple times and we are planning a holiday together, I don't want to be your friend, I want to be your boyfriend, bitch".
Now, obviously you didn't say that, but you obviously want to be her boyfriend. So the correct thing to do is to say to her:
"I made a mistake, I like you and I want to be your boyfriend."
Now, if she says no, then you like her, and she only likes you as a friend, so you should stop being friends and move on.
Wow.. mixed reviews here... We're both uni students and the only gap we had was over last xmas.. since then we've been chatting and stuff a lot.. we started hanging out a lot just before summer too.. I know she has intimacy issues cos her ex basically was an ******* and did some really ****ty stuff and treated her badly.. Im partly thinking it may be because she doesnt wanna be treated like that again..
Thing is i don't wanna just give up on her... but i also don't want an opportunity of possibly finding a fresher.. :L
Thing is i don't wanna just give up on her... but i also don't want an opportunity of possibly finding a fresher.. :L
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