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Was I raped?

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You were raped, I would say. If you're too drunk to remember the night you're too drunk to give consent - she clearly remembers the whole thing so was far less drunk and therefore assaulted you. I am so sorry.

If you feel comfortable, reporting her to the police is an option though with no physical evidence and the stigma against rape victims in general and male rape victims specifically that would probably be a very lengthy and unpleasant process for you. You do what you think is best.

Therapy and counselling with likely be a help to you in working through your feelings about this and rebuilding your life. I hope your partner understands that rape is not "cheating" - sexual contact was forced upon on you when you were unable to consent and you deserve nothing but support and love in trying to get through this.
Original post by Arkasia
Double standards FTW. I have seen multiple threads like this on TSR in the past but from a girl's perspective, and the majority of the responses were 'you might have been', 'you had sex without your consent, he raped you' or 'you were drunk and he took advantage of you'. Now OP is a guy, everyone is telling him it was his fault he was drunk or to 'get on with his life'.


I agree!

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Original post by Arkasia
Double standards FTW. I have seen multiple threads like this on TSR in the past but from a girl's perspective, and the majority of the responses were 'you might have been', 'you had sex without your consent, he raped you' or 'you were drunk and he took advantage of you'. Now OP is a guy, everyone is telling him it was his fault he was drunk or to 'get on with his life'.


Completely agree with you. But then again we have to remember that legally, she couldn't have raped him /:
Regardless of your gender, how would any of you feel if you'd been drunk, had a one night stand & then the next morning your "partner" said "I WAS MORE DRUNK THAN YOU, I'M REPORTING YOU FOR RAPE"? We need more context than what OP has given to see whether it was rape. OP's judgement might have been impaired but so might their "partner"'s. If alcohol removes the ability to consent, then assuming she was drinking too, was her ability to consent was gone too?
Original post by mynameisntbobk
Completely agree with you. But then again we have to remember that legally, she couldn't have raped him /:


I understand, but this would come under 'sexual assault' if it were true.
All these threads annoy the hell out of me, regardless of gender.
If you get smashed, do stuff you regret, then it's still your own fault. This was not rape and neither was the female one I last read. Having a drunken one night stand with someone else who was drunk is not rape.
People need to take responsibility for themselves.
If you get drunk and break stuff, does that now mean you aren't guilty of vandalism?

Everyone now knows that being drunk makes you more vulnerable - to rape, theft etc.
Yes, you can try to teach guys not to rape, but how about a little realism - people will continue to steal and rape. So the best thing to do is take control and help yourself too.
I hate how saying that one shouldn't get blind drunk to help avoid rape is unacceptable, but telling someone to do the same with theft etc. is fine - it's the same situations.

All this does is take any credibility away from real rape situations.
Just a drunk mistake in my opinion.
Original post by Anonymous
The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?


Is this a joke lol, do something more productive
You were raped. However, if you were gonna report this, I would think your case wouldn't be taken so seriously by the police. :frown:
nope - you took the risk of drinking a lot, and you knew, or should know, that that came with the risk of this
and this would apply exactly the same with girls - if you don't want to do something you'll regret, drink responsibly,
because drunken consent, is still consent. alcohol isn't coercive. if you consent to a mind-altering substance, the consent speaks for itself.
(edited 9 years ago)
No, it wasn't rape.

That said, the double standards on this are ridiculous. If you were a girl who started this thread, the majority of people would be saying it was rape.
Legally you can't consent if you're drunk, full stop. Make of that what you will. If you were so drunk that you can't remember, then you might have said Yeah let's have sex to the girl (even though legally that can't count as consent), so in her book, everything was fine. Obviously if you go to the police, they're not going to take it seriously because you were drunk and don't remember what happened. Obviously if the girl was sober and taking advantage, then that's certainly not cool, but since you didn't say that, and since the 'you can't consent if you're drunk' thing really doesn't work in practice (think one night stands and drunk sex eg. in a relationship etc.), you really can't make a case for it.
Original post by Bellarrr
Legally you can't consent if you're drunk, full stop. Make of that what you will. If you were so drunk that you can't remember, then you might have said Yeah let's have sex to the girl (even though legally that can't count as consent), so in her book, everything was fine. Obviously if you go to the police, they're not going to take it seriously because you were drunk and don't remember what happened. Obviously if the girl was sober and taking advantage, then that's certainly not cool, but since you didn't say that, and since the 'you can't consent if you're drunk' thing really doesn't work in practice (think one night stands and drunk sex eg. in a relationship etc.), you really can't make a case for it.


You can consent if you're drunk. It depends on how drunk you are, which is very subjective.
Reply 53
Avatar for Tai Ga
Tai Ga
18
if you were a girl, i'd say the same thing:

It was a drunken mistake.
Original post by mollyxrose
Have to agree... If the OP were female, the replies would be something along the lines of "if you're drunk, you can't consent".
Although, OP, it really does depend how drunk you were. If you were passed out/couldn't form intelligible sentences, then there's no way you could've provided consent. It also depends if she was sober or not, if not, I suspect it was just drunken foolishness.


This.

Everybody stop trivialising sexual assault, -- as men can't be legally raped -- when the tables are turned.
Original post by Anonymous
If someone sleeps with someone without their consent, isn't that rape? I believe I was too drunk to consent so why should my consent be valid?


It isn't rape because she does not have a penis, and there is no way the police/CPS will pursue a charge of sexual assault when you don't even remember what happened and, presumably, don't have any evidence that you were taken advantage of.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by kate113855
If a girl was drunk and the guy was drunk and they consent then that isn't rape? Equally if a girl woke up in the morning, felt bad about having a one night stand and tried to cry rape most people would say the same thing. Gender isn't the issue here. If the shoe was on the other foot in this situation and people were commenting saying it was rape, they'd probably just be rad-fems.


If she was able to explain in detail what they did and he had no recollection of it then I think it's clear what happened. It quite patently is about gender when you consider equivalent threads written the other way round.
Original post by Birkenhead
Unless she penetrated you, it isn't rape, and there is no way the police/CPS will pursue a charge of sexual assault when you don't even remember what happened and, presumably, don't have any evidence that you were taken advantage of.


Unless some very kinky stuff went down she couldn't physically have penetrated him. Also by your reasoning no woman can ever be found guilty of rape on account of not having a penis. Ridiculous.
You have no idea if you consented or not. Why would you then jump to being raped - quite extreme. What you mean is, you have a girlfriend and more likely is that you got drunk and cheated on her. Even if you reported it, you will face the same problem every other possible rape victim suffers - no evidence. It will just be word against word. And as you obviously don't remember what happened and don't seem to have suffered any negative effect (aside from guilt that you've cheated) I would drop it - regardless of your gender.
Original post by Birkenhead
Unless she penetrated you, it isn't rape, and there is no way the police/CPS will pursue a charge of sexual assault when you don't even remember what happened and, presumably, don't have any evidence that you were taken advantage of.


A male cannot be raped. If the woman penetrates the man without consent, however, that would be classed as assault by penetration.

I'm afraid to say that most likely that if the OP went to the Police, they would not pursue a conviction because there is no credible evidence in favour of the OP. It's one word against another.

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