The Student Room Group

Was I raped?

The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?

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Why does rape mostly stem out of drinking etc in the uk?
I've seen several of these threads now. :tongue:

Posted from TSR Mobile
No, you weren't raped. Get on with your life.
Reply 3
Original post by Dilzo999
No, you weren't raped. Get on with your life.


If someone sleeps with someone without their consent, isn't that rape? I believe I was too drunk to consent so why should my consent be valid?
Original post by Anonymous
The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?


I don't think you have a viable case for rape because you were not forced to have sex against your will, you just had drunken sex that you don't remember. What would telling the police do anyway?

Next time don't be a douche and control your drinking, for your partner's sake.
I very much doubt that you were, and wouldn't advise you to report her to the police.
Talk to her and ask her what happened first. You probably did consent. Drunk as you were, your partner probably wasn't the first thing on your mind and that's not this girl's fault.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?


You can't just say you were raped if you get drunk & had a one night stand.
Original post by Anonymous
If someone sleeps with someone without their consent, isn't that rape? I believe I was too drunk to consent so why should my consent be valid?

She didn't force you to drink the alcohol, if she spiked your drink then yes it would be rape, but she didn't.
Reply 8
Just because you can't remember what happened the morning after doesn't mean you were raped.
Reply 9
Double standards FTW. I have seen multiple threads like this on TSR in the past but from a girl's perspective, and the majority of the responses were 'you might have been', 'you had sex without your consent, he raped you' or 'you were drunk and he took advantage of you'. Now OP is a guy, everyone is telling him it was his fault he was drunk or to 'get on with his life'.
Original post by Anonymous
The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?


It's not as though she was stone cold sober, right? If you were drunk and she was sober you could probably say she took advantage of you, but consent is consent whether you give it drunkenly or not. You can't just change your mind the morning after because you're feeling a bit guilty.
Original post by cerlohee
I very much doubt that you were, and wouldn't advise you to report her to the police.
Talk to her and ask her what happened first. You probably did consent. Drunk as you were, your partner probably wasn't the first thing on your mind and that's not this girl's fault.


Posted from TSR Mobile


I would have been too drunk to consent though. Even If I said I would at the time, I don't think that consent shouldn't be valid given how drunk I was.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
The other night, I went out to a party and I had a lot more to drink than I usually would. The next morning I woke up to find myself naked in bed with a girl I had only just met the night before lying naked next to me. I asked her what happened, and she was surprised I didn't remember and explained everything we did.

I have a partner and had I been sober there is no way I would have ever consented to sleeping with this girl. Would you say that I was raped? Should I report this to the police or just let it go?


I don't think you were raped, you were just drunk. However, it's interesting that no feminazis have invaded the thread shouting that you were raped and should report it to the police, because that's what happens every time a girl posts something like this...
Original post by kate113855
It's not as though she was stone cold sober, right? If you were drunk and she was sober you could probably say she took advantage of you, but consent is consent whether you give it drunkenly or not. You can't just change your mind the morning after because you're feeling a bit guilty.


She never said that I actually gave consent - and she very well could have been sober.
Original post by Anonymous
She never said that I actually gave consent - and she very well could have been sober.


Well you need to talk to her about it. Ask the other people you were with what happened? And are you just trying to take the "rape" thing from a male point of view for a change, when this kind of thing usually happens to women? Just trying to prove it can happen to men too?

Just asking. It does happen to men. But not in this case I would think.
You may or may not have been raped. From what you say, it seems more like a drunken mistake than rape. Unless the girl forced herself at you. The problem with drinking till you lose control is that you do thins you're not aware of. It's hard to say.
Not long ago a judge said that a lot of women especially come to the court claiming they were raped while drinking a lot. As much as sympathy she had for those people, there's not much that can be done.
And I'm not saying that it's your fault since you'd be the victim, but I'm not sure if I'd class this as rape... I mean, you didn't know what you were doing but you probably gave her consent, unless she is lying. So it's a mistake but not rape (probably). Rape is a violent matter and it messes people up psychologically especially.
Reply 16
Legally you can't have been raped since she doesn't have a penis

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1/crossheading/rape
Original post by Arkasia
Double standards FTW. I have seen multiple threads like this on TSR in the past but from a girl's perspective, and the majority of the responses were 'you might have been', 'you had sex without your consent, he raped you' or 'you were drunk and he took advantage of you'. Now OP is a guy, everyone is telling him it was his fault he was drunk or to 'get on with his life'.


Tbh when a girl post something like this the guys usually slay her that alcohol isn't an excuse to cheat but you're right I think..
In this case though I don't think it was anybody's fault.
Original post by Arkasia
Double standards FTW. I have seen multiple threads like this on TSR in the past but from a girl's perspective, and the majority of the responses were 'you might have been', 'you had sex without your consent, he raped you' or 'you were drunk and he took advantage of you'. Now OP is a guy, everyone is telling him it was his fault he was drunk or to 'get on with his life'.


Have to agree... If the OP were female, the replies would be something along the lines of "if you're drunk, you can't consent".
Although, OP, it really does depend how drunk you were. If you were passed out/couldn't form intelligible sentences, then there's no way you could've provided consent. It also depends if she was sober or not, if not, I suspect it was just drunken foolishness.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Arkasia
Double standards FTW. I have seen multiple threads like this on TSR in the past but from a girl's perspective, and the majority of the responses were 'you might have been', 'you had sex without your consent, he raped you' or 'you were drunk and he took advantage of you'. Now OP is a guy, everyone is telling him it was his fault he was drunk or to 'get on with his life'.


If a girl was drunk and the guy was drunk and they consent then that isn't rape? Equally if a girl woke up in the morning, felt bad about having a one night stand and tried to cry rape most people would say the same thing. Gender isn't the issue here. If the shoe was on the other foot in this situation and people were commenting saying it was rape, they'd probably just be rad-fems.

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