Is it hard to have an &#x27;old school&#x27; approach to dating today?

Original post by datpiff

In terms of dating?

I prefer to meet women face to face and not piss around with all the texting, Snapchat and Skype nonsense. Screw all that. Lets just meet at a cafe and talk face to face. I'll pay.

These days though it seems like you have no choice other than to play the game (unless you date someone mature). Stick around for so long and you finally get a date (which pisses me off)

Am I the only one who is sick and tired of technology and the internet? Has the internet made dating a boring and longer process?

Women always say they want an 'old school' man, but they can't have one when they're stuck waiting for men to prove themselves on their Snapchat/Facebook.

I met a girl in Hong Kong in between walking between trains, i asked for directions, then had a bit of a chat and i ended up going out with her as a friend and we went to eat a week later while we were talking on facebook. I also went out in the daytime with others from asia, it's nice, not everything has to be UK culture Centered, some people say oh this is how it is meant to be, to go clubbing and wait for a man to chat them up, it doesn't have to be that way at all.

Reply 3

King Max

Original post by datpiff

In terms of dating?

I prefer to meet women face to face and not piss around with all the texting, Snapchat and Skype nonsense. Screw all that. Lets just meet at a cafe and talk face to face. I'll pay.

These days though it seems like you have no choice other than to play the game (unless you date someone mature). Stick around for so long and you finally get a date (which pisses me off)

Am I the only one who is sick and tired of technology and the internet? Has the internet made dating a boring and longer process?

Women always say they want an 'old school' man, but they can't have one when they're stuck waiting for men to prove themselves on their Snapchat/Facebook.

Hope this helps.
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-a-Girl-in-a-Club

Reply 4

OP

Original post by King Max

Hope this helps.
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-a-Girl-in-a-Club

To behobest, I can't stand clubbing. I hate the music that most clubs play and I just can't get in the mood. I stay away from those places!

Reply 5

King Max

Original post by datpiff

To behobest, I can't stand clubbing. I hate the music that most clubs play and I just can't get in the mood. I stay away from those places!

Thats perfect. I'm exactly like this as well. The way you get around this is by chattin to the shy girls (wallflowers) who sit and have some lemonade, and who have been dragged there by their mates haha :wink:

Reply 6

username1042689

21

I met mine in person a few times at parties, but I really got close to him after I bumped into him and then started chatting to him on Facebook. That went on for two weeks, we talked about all manner of things and I think the lack of pressure meant it was easier to get closer to each other. We've now been dating for 5 months. :smile:

Reply 7

OohBurn

8

I would definitely appreciate the 'old school' method and I'm sure there are women out there who appreciate it too. I would much rather go for a coffee than a room that's dark, noisy and full of people grinding against one another. :yep:

Reply 8

OP

Original post by OohBurn

I would definitely appreciate the 'old school' method and I'm sure there are women out there who appreciate it too. I would much rather go for a coffee than a room that's dark, noisy and full of people grinding against one another. :yep:

it just annoys me these days that a lot of women make you prove yourself over social networks. I hate that. I'd rather meet ASAP over coffee in a cafe. The most annoying thing ever is when a girl asks you 'you got Snapchat? Skype?'. I hate talking to potential dates over social networks. They wonder why I lose interest if they insist on not meeting up with me in a week?

No woman is worth social network hassle IMO.

Reply 9

Iggy Azalea

14

I'm not a fan of the old school way of dating. It's romantic but it's just impractical.

That being said, I do think online dating is a waste of time. I'd rather meet someone in real life first before accepting their facebook friend request.

So overall, I think technology takes the fun out of dating a bit, but it helps during the latter stages when you each other a bit more.

Reply 10

OP

Original post by paradoxicalme

I met mine in person a few times at parties, but I really got close to him after I bumped into him and then started chatting to him on Facebook. That went on for two weeks, we talked about all manner of things and I think the lack of pressure meant it was easier to get closer to each other. We've now been dating for 5 months. :smile:

i couldnt do that. I'd get really bored. I need to meet people face to face. Facebook doesn't mean anything in my life.

Reply 11

vortex_199

I don't think it is just the women. Many women, if not most, like the idea of being swept off their feet and being treated on a date. Sadly many men try to portray this as some sort of gold-digging mentality. They think that if you haven't slept with them or at least made out with them, then they don't owe you so much as a cup of coffee. Many guys are advocates of the 'let's split the bill' culture and women now seem to think that this is something empowering.

Reply 12

Clip

19

Original post by datpiff

it just annoys me these days that a lot of women make you prove yourself over social networks. I hate that. I'd rather meet ASAP over coffee in a cafe. The most annoying thing ever is when a girl asks you 'you got Snapchat? Skype?'. I hate talking to potential dates over social networks. They wonder why I lose interest if they insist on not meeting up with me in a week?

No woman is worth social network hassle IMO.

See, this is another case of the gazelles trying to tell the lions the rules of the game.

Reply 13

Baloney

5

I think the answer to your problem is yourself. Take control of the way things are going with the girl you like.
Invite her on a date! The social media business will carry on so long as you reply to it.
Be frank and up front; 'Hey, you're really sweet, do you fancy meeting up for a coffee?'

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 14

iEatMuFFiNS

14

Original post by vortex_199

I don't think it is just the women. Many women, if not most, like the idea of being swept off their feet and being treated on a date. Sadly many men try to portray this as some sort of gold-digging mentality. They think that if you haven't slept with them or at least made out with them, then they don't owe you so much as a cup of coffee. Many guys are advocates of the 'let's split the bill' culture and women now seem to think that this is something empowering.

Spend a ton of cash on a date or two with a girl only for her to either stop responding (go dark) or say something like "i like you as a friend" - this turns out to be just a waste of time and money so yeah i'd like a little somethin-somethin if you know what i mean.

You could literally go on like 5 or 10 dates with girls before you find one girl that will not bail, but would've given up long before that - even though i know it's a numbers game, these numbers are pretty high considering the time/money/effort involved...

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 15

OohBurn

8

Original post by datpiff

it just annoys me these days that a lot of women make you prove yourself over social networks. I hate that. I'd rather meet ASAP over coffee in a cafe. The most annoying thing ever is when a girl asks you 'you got Snapchat? Skype?'. I hate talking to potential dates over social networks. They wonder why I lose interest if they insist on not meeting up with me in a week?

No woman is worth social network hassle IMO.

I'm not a huge fan of using social media with guys I don't know anyway but to say "No woman is worth social network hassle." is a bit narrow-minded?

Reply 16

Clip

19

Original post by vortex_199

I don't think it is just the women. Many women, if not most, like the idea of being swept off their feet and being treated on a date. Sadly many men try to portray this as some sort of gold-digging mentality. They think that if you haven't slept with them or at least made out with them, then they don't owe you so much as a cup of coffee. Many guys are advocates of the 'let's split the bill' culture and women now seem to think that this is something empowering.

Depends - and the following is something that might apply more to slightly older people - mostly (but not exclusively) older than university age - like 23+.

Some men "take you out" (i.e. pay for a date) because they have a notion that they have to treat the girl.

Others do it because they want to control what goes on - if you are paying, you get to say where you go - and it becomes not so much showing off, but a display of "this is what I'm about" and to see if it's the sort of thing that either impresses her or makes her comfortable. It's a case of - this is the bar I like, this is the restaurant I like - is it what you like? Because if he's like a carnivore and she's a strict vegan, unless she's absolutely red hot, it's not going to work.

Reply 17

MagicNMedicine

20

Original post by datpiff

Am I the only one who is sick and tired of technology and the internet? Has the internet made dating a boring and longer process?

You can still meet people without the technology approach, if you meet someone through uni, work, some sports/social club or society or through friends.

However I agree I do think technology has affected dating negatively. I think it has made dating in to a bit of a competition because people have constant access to a range of 'options'. Also it has changed perspectives on what dating should be: when I have got together with people it's just been through spending time together, going for coffees/drinks together then going round each others houses or going for walks and whatever, the main thing is getting to know the person rather than the activity. But I think with the technology-style dating there is a lot more emphasis on the activity rather than the person: when other people from work or my friends are going on dates a lot of the time they seem a bit contrived, like they go to the zoo(?) or go ice skating or to a climbing wall and so on. I wouldn't really like that so much because the more involved the activity, the more it distracts from the person but I think there is now an expectation from this technology-style dating that you have to entertain someone on a date.

The other negative thing with technology style dating is it has had a bad effect on general manners and courtesy because people treat others as being disposable, they will try and have multiple options on the go at any one time and will ruthlessly discard some of them when they want to focus on one in particular or when there's a new option around. Sometimes people will go on a date and be messaging for a bit and suggest meeting again and then one partner will just cut contact and not explain what the situation is, because they've just moved on and discarded them.

I am not looking for 'dating' now as I have a girlfriend but I have to say I find Tinder the most annoying of all. If you work in London, amongst the 'young graduate' scene, they are all on Tinder and I find it gets in the way of normal friendships....people spend hours on their phone swiping and then getting in to chat conversations with 4 or 5 people at once and it just eats their time and they become obsessed with it. I also used to find that when I was single (I wasn't on Tinder btw) I felt like going on dates with girls was like going on interviews because they were on Tinder and meeting guys regularly, they would give me stories like "well I was on this date last week and X happened, then I was on one a couple of weeks ago and Y happened" just to make it obvious that they had options and tbh it put me off, I just lost interest if it was like that because I didn't feel like the girl was really interested in me, she was just lining up potential suitors and testing them one by one.

And finally the other big one about modern technology based dating is that it puts a great premium on looks. I think probably the top 20% of people on dating sites (in terms of looks) have a great time and really enjoy technological based dating because they get tons of attention which boosts their ego and it allows them to be very selective, whereas I reckon a lot of people on those dating sites that have gone on out of being lonely and aren't in the elite group of lookers, find it quite a draining experience because they just get ignored. That was another thing I found difficult when I was single, even though I wasn't doing online dating, I felt that with girls I'd met that I got on with and thought were a potential possibility, I was always aware if they were on Tinder that they had a constant supply of very good looking guys messaging them and flirting with them, and again it was just off-putting, I felt that I had to compete with these guys that didn't really have much in common with the girls and were never going to end up with them as a couple, but they would be snapchatting and whatsapping the girls all the time, then do those activity dates taking them to the zoo or whatever, and it became hard to really get to know the girls because they were constantly being distracted.

I think the distraction thing is what grinds my gears. This summer I've been line managing a female summer internship student who moved to London for the first time and she was really keen and focused at her interview and when she first arrived but now she's gone on Tinder and from the stuff she talks about to everyone its like that's all she cares about now, her summer hasn't been about getting experience for her CV it's been about all the guys in London she's getting to go on dates with. Unfortunately others in the office indulge her because they are on Tinder too doing the same thing.

Reply 18

OP