The Student Room Group

How to not be so picky/afraid?

I've started using OKCupid to look for potential partners when I move city to start my PhD. However, I've noticed that I am far too picky about lots of things:

- Not entirely being convinced by a girl's profile if she says she just works with children, has a bog standard job and hasn't done a STEM subject (because I'll secretly think that they're an idiot)
- Being reluctant to going out with someone with piercings/tattoos in case others think it is weird
- Being reluctant to going out with someone who likes doing a lot of sport as that is not my type at all
- Automatically dismissing anyone who can't form a coherent sentence without using text language

...and many more things...

My biggest problem is that I keep comparing them to myself and immediately picturing us going out and it not going too well. My deterministic predictions are what are stopping me from taking a chance and talking to people, and plus I'm generally afraid of being judged. I am very inexperienced relationship-wise, as I've only ever been in one serious relationship which only lasted 2.5 months, which is potentially holding me back even further.

How do I stop being so picky with people and just take a chance?
Its obvious your judging people because, as you've already stated, your scared of being judged yourself. You need to stop thinking that who ever you may potentially date, will become a long term partner and enjoy the dating scene for a while. I also think your confidence is pretty low, start of slowly and find someone who you have a few common interests with and just enjoy the social side of dating. Then as your confidence builds you will be willing to take more risks and meet new people who you wouldn't normally talk to.

Just start talking to people, you don't have to arrange dates straight away, I never do. That way, when you meet you will have a couple weeks worth of conversations and topics that you've previously discussed to talk about.

Hope you found this useful, I've tried not to use 'text language!'
Nah you'll find that you don't really need anybody apart from those you'll be interacting with during your PhD course.
I don't think you're being picky, just seems to me like you don't want a stupid tattooed skank. That's okay isn't it?
^^ Your both idiots...
Why are so many people on tsr so hot for STEM subjects lol

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