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The guy who promised me "forever" is acting weird on long distance :(

I'm 22 and he's 23. We met 4 months ago (so we've been together for 4 months now). And he's my first love, the first guy I ever fell for. He has been with others before, but he told me that I'm different, that he actually loves me and sees a future with me and all that. It took me a while but I believed him. He made me feel so special, loved, and raised my confidence and everything. (I'm very insecure).


Now, he's abroad on vacation and it's been 6 weeks now (he's coming back in a few days), and ever since we've been apart, we were both upset, but then he became a bit distant. Like he doesn't Whatsapp me unless I do it first, and every time i send him something romantic or a voice note, I get no response and he changes the subject. When I confronted him once about it, he said a response will come when the "time is right". Wth? I felt like I was a bit too clingy so I backed off and didm talk for a few days. That's when he messaged me and asked me if I was okay and I was like yea.

But I feel like things are different, like he's distant, and I don't know why. My friend was like he's probably sad and misses you but doesnt want to dwell on it so he's distracting himself. I don't know... he's always getting high now that he's abroad and my best friend asked him if me and him talk and he was like: "nah xD he kills my buzz" .... what am I supposed to say to that?

Anyway, so it was our plan that we would live together in an apartment and stuff while we both do masters. I got accepted and I'm already in the apartment but he doesn't know that because I didn't tell him. I told him that the university rejected me and that I'm going to go back home to work and he responded by " .... " and my best friend was like he's clearly upset but doesn't want to talk about it.


So I don't know... am i overthinking things? Why is he being the way he is? I'm planning on surprising him by going to the airport and picking him up. He won't expect it at all. I just don't know what to think anymore :/

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Reply 1
Avatar for Another
Another
21
You know when people talk really sweetly to you for a while, so even while you know they're an *******, you almost don't want to believe it cause of what they said before? And you'd rather believe that they were this amazing sensitive person rather than the douchebag stood right in front of you?

Yeah. Words are cheap, actions speak louder. His actions say that you were a fun game for a while, and now he doesn't care about you at all.
Doesn't look good. Perhaps jump before pushed. Please have dignity.

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Sounds a bit weird on both sides, to be honest - why did you lie about something as significant as your acceptance to uni and your plans to move in together? Seriously, what was your thought process for that, even with him being distant?
He probably cheated on you. In my honest and sincere opinion.
Why did you lie to him about the uni and moving in? I don't get it.

Anyway, sounds like he did something abroad that he feels guilty about. Just my opinion.
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Jibola240
Why did you lie to him about the uni and moving in? I don't get it.

Anyway, sounds like he did something abroad that he feels guilty about. Just my opinion.


Original post by Musie Suzie
Sounds a bit weird on both sides, to be honest - why did you lie about something as significant as your acceptance to uni and your plans to move in together? Seriously, what was your thought process for that, even with him being distant?




2 things:

1. he's already being distant and he doesn't talk to me... and whenever I do, he tells me he's in another universe and stuff (cuz he's always getting high)
2. because I also wanna surprise him. I'll pick him up from the airport, surprise him, drive him to the apartment, and tell him the good news!
Original post by ForeverHopefully
He probably cheated on you. In my honest and sincere opinion.


That was my first thought too.


Posted from TSR Mobile
1) Darling, do not waste your time on him. This doesn't look like a steady relationship. You're not clingy. But neither are you emotionally and mentally ready. He's dodgy, from what I'm getting from you.
2) You need to look deeply in yourself for you to realise your special and you deserve love. He shouldn't being making you feel good about yourself. You should be doing that, it's not his job. If you both end up breaking up, you're going straight back to the insecure person you was before.
3)You're asking all the irrelevant people what your boyfriend might be thinking. No one on this earth knows what your boyfriend thinks except for YOUR BOYFRIEND. Ask him, what's his problem? Why is he acting like a mug?
4)You guys have been together for 4 months and you're moving in together? That is really fast. And he thinks so too, trust me. It's possible he's freaking out.
Tell him the truth ASAP. This has potential to get really messy. I hope you'll be able to handle it if it does.
Original post by Anonymous
2 things:

1. he's already being distant and he doesn't talk to me... and whenever I do, he tells me he's in another universe and stuff (cuz he's always getting high)
2. because I also wanna surprise him. I'll pick him up from the airport, surprise him, drive him to the apartment, and tell him the good news!



Tell him to stay in his universe. If you guys can't talk how are y'all even going to live in the same space?
Original post by ForeverHopefully
1) Darling, do not waste your time on him. This doesn't look like a steady relationship. You're not clingy. But neither are you emotionally and mentally ready. He's dodgy, from what I'm getting from you.
2) You need to look deeply in yourself for you to realise your special and you deserve love. He shouldn't being making you feel good about yourself. You should be doing that, it's not his job. If you both end up breaking up, you're going straight back to the insecure person you was before.
3)You're asking all the irrelevant people what your boyfriend might be thinking. No one on this earth knows what your boyfriend thinks except for YOUR BOYFRIEND. Ask him, what's his problem? Why is he acting like a mug?
4)You guys have been together for 4 months and you're moving in together? That is really fast. And he thinks so too, trust me. It's possible he's freaking out.
Tell him the truth ASAP. This has potential to get really messy. I hope you'll be able to handle it if it does.


but moving in together was his idea, not mine. I told him i don't wanna rush anything, but he told me he loved me since the first month and he was like I'm not rushing it because "when you know it, you know it". and he was like there's no one after you. A year a half was the last time he was in a relationship, and he wasn't looking for anyone until "i came along", and apparently he lost all his sexual drive but I somehow "awakened" it back in him. so I don't know ..
Are you 100% sure you want to live him?
Original post by ForeverHopefully
Are you 100% sure you want to live him?


yes
Why?
Original post by ForeverHopefully
Why?


because regardless of how he is to me over long distance, i'm still in love with him
Reply 15
Avatar for Meduza
Meduza
3
He's always getting high?

Wtf is he on drugs?
Sounds odd to me. He doesn't sound all that interested
Whatever you do, don't keep reassuring yourself with things he's said in the past (I was with a guy who used to talk about marriage then treated me like ****, whilst I kept looking back at how things were) you need to look at the situation and how he's acting right now. If he's acting distant and in a way that's bothering you, discuss this with him.
Talk to him before you make any decisions, moving in together is a big deal...
But are you sure he's in love with you? Does his actions and the way he talks to you - when he decides to want to talk to you - proves that there is no doubt that he is in love with you?
Original post by Meduza
He's always getting high?

Wtf is he on drugs?


no he's just doing weed with friends for the whole month that he's abroad
Original post by ForeverHopefully
But are you sure he's in love with you? Does his actions and the way he talks to you - when he decides to want to talk to you - proves that there is no doubt that he is in love with you?


well... like I said.. ever since he travelled, this happened. And I remember jokingly telling him oh you're going away now for a month and you'll be too busy having fun to talk to me and he got angry saying don't say that... and then a week after he went, he became distant all of a sudden. so I really don't know what's going on with him. he won't talk to me or anything. every time i ask him what's wrong, he says he's in another world or something. I don't think he does well over long distance

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