The Student Room Group

Childhood Bullying - what can I do to get over it?

So I have an anxiety disorder and take sertraline for that, and one of the reasons why I'm on medication, is because of an inability to get over my horrendous experience at school. I was bullied quite a lot, and no matter what I do or how I try and rationlise with myself nothing seems to do the trick. I constant worry about meeting them again, and wonder if I did if I'd see them again. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what I can do will be much appreciated.
Get counselling. Medication by itself won't solve the problem.
Reply 2
Original post by shawn_o1
Get counselling. Medication by itself won't solve the problem.



I already do have counselling.
Reply 3
I wouldn't worry about seeing them again. I got bullied throughout primary school by this guy, I saw him a few weeks ago (about 7 years since) and to be honest, I think he was more scared to see me than I was to see him!
It does get better.

I went through the same thing in y9 and It's only 8 years on that it doesn't hurt the same.Take it slowly and seek the help you really need.
Could I just say? I may not have the same experience you people have had. But my situation you could say was quite similar in terms of anxiety.

I went to three different primary schools. Bullied in all three because of what I looked like then. Imagine not being able to have friends in primary? My days were awful when other children would say their days were the best at primary.

Honestly, as we grow older we become a lot different than how we were when in primary. If you worry you will see them again, I suggest not to because you never know they might be somewhere a lot far away from you. I never saw anyone from mine again. If you do, I trust they would be a lot more mature now and possibly their actions will not be the same.

I understand the traumatic situations that you might have experienced and I apologise for bringing this forward. But the sooner you face your fears, or try to move on and try to create new fresh memories in the coming years the sooner you will feel a lot better.

I am a changed person now too. If I was to see the people who bullied me again, I would ignore what they did then and think about making them feel that I am a lot stronger person now than how I was before. That they had no impact on my life and they picked on the wrong person. The biggest defeat of a bully is that they have lost in breaking you.

I hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long text but I was a mentor at my high school. Please forgive me if I have offended you in anyway.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 6
Ask your counselor about mindfulness techniques. Alternatively, or if she doesn't know what you are talking about, try with this book. You can read part of it on amazon. The first two or three chapters may already be enough. (For reviews, read the 29 reviews on amazon.com, they are more informative than the two reviews on co.uk.)

PS. I would be wary of medication, because in this case it won't cure the underlying problem. It does not seem to be helping you even with the symptoms, anyway?
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 7
Original post by harriet__
I wouldn't worry about seeing them again. I got bullied throughout primary school by this guy, I saw him a few weeks ago (about 7 years since) and to be honest, I think he was more scared to see me than I was to see him!



I understand but its hard to have that mentality!
Reply 8
Original post by Orangecake
It does get better.

I went through the same thing in y9 and It's only 8 years on that it doesn't hurt the same.Take it slowly and seek the help you really need.


Thanks for the reply, do you ever think about meeting the bullies again?
Reply 9
Original post by Twister457
Could I just say? I may not have the same experience you people have had. But my situation you could say was quite similar in terms of anxiety.

I went to three different primary schools. Bullied in all three because of what I looked like then. Imagine not being able to have friends in primary? My days were awful when other children would say their days were the best at primary.

Honestly, as we grow older we become a lot different than how we were when in primary. If you worry you will see them again, I suggest not to because you never know they might be somewhere a lot far away from you. I never saw anyone from mine again. If you do, I trust they would be a lot more mature now and possibly their actions will not be the same.

I understand the traumatic situations that you might have experienced and I apologise for bringing this forward. But the sooner you face your fears, or try to move on and try to create new fresh memories in the coming years the sooner you will feel a lot better.

I am a changed person now too. If I was to see the people who bullied me again, I would ignore what they did then and think about making them feel that I am a lot stronger person now than how I was before. That they had no impact on my life and they picked on the wrong person. The biggest defeat of a bully is that they have lost in breaking you.

I hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long text but I was a mentor at my high school. Please forgive me if I have offended you in anyway.

Hi thanks for the reply, and dont worry you havent offended me. My biggest fear is probably meeting them again, and they continue the bullying. I suppose its irrational.
[QUOTE="Anonymous;50248303"]
Original post by Twister457
Could I just say? I may not have the same experience you people have had. But my situation you could say was quite similar in terms of anxiety.

I went to three different primary schools. Bullied in all three because of what I looked like then. Imagine not being able to have friends in primary? My days were awful when other children would say their days were the best at primary.

Honestly, as we grow older we become a lot different than how we were when in primary. If you worry you will see them again, I suggest not to because you never know they might be somewhere a lot far away from you. I never saw anyone from mine again. If you do, I trust they would be a lot more mature now and possibly their actions will not be the same.

I understand the traumatic situations that you might have experienced and I apologise for bringing this forward. But the sooner you face your fears, or try to move on and try to create new fresh memories in the coming years the sooner you will feel a lot better.

I am a changed person now too. If I was to see the people who bullied me again, I would ignore what they did then and think about making them feel that I am a lot stronger person now than how I was before. That they had no impact on my life and they picked on the wrong person. The biggest defeat of a bully is that they have lost in breaking you.

I hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long text but I was a mentor at my high school. Please forgive me if I have offended you in anyway.

Hi thanks for the reply, and dont worry you havent offended me. My biggest fear is probably meeting them again, and they continue the bullying. I suppose its irrational.


Glad I could help. But the biggest thing to remember I guess is if you stand up to them like you may have done before then they will not be able to impact on your life anymore. I am saying this both mentally and (hopefully not) if you ever encounter meeting them again. I hope that you do get through this
[QUOTE="Twister457;50278389"]
Original post by Anonymous


Glad I could help. But the biggest thing to remember I guess is if you stand up to them like you may have done before then they will not be able to impact on your life anymore. I am saying this both mentally and (hopefully not) if you ever encounter meeting them again. I hope that you do get through this


I hope I don't see them again, and I know chances are they probably wouldn't do anything, but it's just something in my gut, I can almost sense it's going to happen.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the reply, do you ever think about meeting the bullies again?


How old are you roughly? I was bullied at school for being quiet and geeky. I used to get anxious about seeing people from school - whether they bullied me or not - because I would feel like that all over again.

But as I've got older (c. 10 years on now), what I now feel when I see them is just anger. I smile at them because we're all adults now and I know they were just immature kids at the time, but inside I'm angry. They caused me so much trouble over the years with my confidence and the worst thing is they probably don't even know. And I think "I didn't deserve that."

Basically I don't think you ever really get over being bullied, but you do all grow up and everybody moves on. In my job I've needed to talk to a few people from school who didn't bully me, but who in school I would have considered as 'popular' and not even been able to speak a word to. And we just chatted like normal people. But there is always a hint of sadness. I think "what if I had just been able to be myself in school? What would it have been like to be happy in school?" And I feel jealous of those that did get to.
Original post by Anonymous
So I have an anxiety disorder and take sertraline for that, and one of the reasons why I'm on medication, is because of an inability to get over my horrendous experience at school. I was bullied quite a lot, and no matter what I do or how I try and rationlise with myself nothing seems to do the trick. I constant worry about meeting them again, and wonder if I did if I'd see them again. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what I can do will be much appreciated.


I first saw some of my bullies from primary in year 7 at the cinema at a friend's birthday. I had a panic attack, it was really scary at the time...but guess what? I survived. I live in quite a small town so I encountered my bullies many times over the years, two went to my secondary in differnt classes and each time I saw them it helped. I had pretty much everyone apologise to me, say they don't know why they treated me the way they did as a kid etc which I think really helped, some after not seeing them for 5-6 years. The apology was nice but why it helped was it made me realise something: they weren't the same people they were as when they were children, and neither was I... I wasn't that friendless kid anymore. Even just going to secondary really helped me, as I had no problems there socially which I guess affirmed there was nothing wrong with me. If you have good friends at secondary does reminding yourself of that help?

I thought at 16 I was completely over it but at 20 my past demons surfaced their heads. I originally made friends with some two faced people at uni. I then didn't have people to live with for 2nd year. I felt alone, isolated and just like I did when I was little being bullied - worthless. Despite this being so minor compared to what happened as a kid, I felt like dropping out of uni. What I did was I talked to myself as if I was giving a friend advice. I would counter feelings like 'I feel worthless' with reasons why I am awesome. I consciously decide not to let some self centered douches to dictate how I felt and thought they were just like the kid bullies, one day they'll grow up.

As for the panic, the way I got through panic attacks, was just riding through them telling myself 'it's okay, I'm stressed right now, my heartbeart is increasing because I'm stressed and that's okay. It's okay to feel panicked and not okay, but this feeling will pass. Just don't react, it's like constipation, it'll eventually pass.' If I were you, if the anxiety is coming from a possible meet up I would just keep doing what you're doing, list what could happen and then rationalise what the most likely thing would be and remember, you could even be as lucky as I and get a heartfelt apology.
Reply 14
I bet if you met them again they'd have grown up, matured a lot and would no longer bully you.

Bullies thrive on school/playground. In the real world they realise they can't achieve anything through cruelty/intimidation, so they are forced to be pleasant and actually grow up.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the reply, do you ever think about meeting the bullies again?


Yes but just how to prove how I'm doing better than them,i see them pop up on facebook rather alot .:cool:Success is the best revenge.

I'm not sure if your religious but I watched quite a few Joel Osteen sermons on youtube and they helped change the way i think.I know this doesn't sound like much but you can get through this.
Original post by Anonymous
So I have an anxiety disorder and take sertraline for that, and one of the reasons why I'm on medication, is because of an inability to get over my horrendous experience at school. I was bullied quite a lot, and no matter what I do or how I try and rationlise with myself nothing seems to do the trick. I constant worry about meeting them again, and wonder if I did if I'd see them again. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what I can do will be much appreciated.


I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied. How old are you now?
Chances are as much trouble as they caused you, they too might have had problems at home and had nowhere else to take out their anger out but on you. I'm not sympathising with them, bullying is wrong and cowardly. But then again, there are many other kids who do it because well, kids can be so damn horrible.

I don't think you should worry about running into them now because if they really did come from a good family and were mean to you just because they could be (as opposed to childhood problems), then they will regret it now. So so much. They'll probably still regret it even if they had childhood problems which caused them to behave that way. I've read enough stories of 'confronting bullies as an adult' to know this.. read for yourself: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1kcgu9/what_is_your_best_met_the_high_school_bitchbully/
http://www.reddit.com/r/JusticePorn/comments/148g2i/anyone_have_stories_of_confronting_your_bullies/

I understand you can't help feeling anxious, but I think it's silly. I think you are a much better person than they are and you should put that to good use. Improve yourself - get a great degree, a great job, a great body, a great family and live a damn good life. I can't think of better revenge than to just improve yourself and rise above.

I haven't lived very long on earth so I don't have many good examples to give. But my friend was teased a lot about her eyebrows by this other girl in school. Fast forward 5 years, the bully didn't do well in her GCSEs and went off to college. 2 years later, my friend is now off to study Medicine (so much prettier than the bully too) whilst the bully works on tills at a local supermarket. Success? I think so.

Stop letting it keep you down and move on with your life to do greater things. Almost every successful, amazing person I know has been bullied or teased in their life. They never let that keep them down, why should you? Some of them even had depression and anxiety disorder. You are going to go far in life. In fact, by doing so, you're letting the bully still win.

Not sure if this helps but even celebrities got bullied:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marlo-thomas/celebrities-who-survived-bullying_b_3367046.html

I think JT puts it brilliantly in his last sentence.

It only gets better.

Take care. :smile:
Reply 17
After so many years, it's no longer about the bullies, or what happened in the past specifically; it's about you bullying yourself. The external message becomes internalised all too easily. And when you confront your inner bully and find out how they are hurting you, what they are saying to you more than anyone else (counselling) then no bully in the world can harm you in the same way again. You say you're in that process, so keep digging, and remember, the hardest part of talking about these things is putting the new ways to cope into action.

They had a phrase on an old forum I went on: "Nothing changes if nothing changes".

I believe you'll get there :smile:

(I'm sorry if I seem harsh, I have utmost sympathy for you but believe most people have said the techniques that I'd be beating around the bush to repeat.)

:hugs:
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
So I have an anxiety disorder and take sertraline for that, and one of the reasons why I'm on medication, is because of an inability to get over my horrendous experience at school. I was bullied quite a lot, and no matter what I do or how I try and rationlise with myself nothing seems to do the trick. I constant worry about meeting them again, and wonder if I did if I'd see them again. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what I can do will be much appreciated.


I was also bullied badly at school and unfortunately there are no quick fixes like medication that will help this as its not a chemical imbalance that needs fixing but issues that need working through. What I will say is that if you can work through these issues you will come out the other side a lot stronger.
That being said counselling is hard work you need to go into it with honesty, an open mind and with the attitude of being prepared to work hard. But if you go into it with this attitude then the chances are that it will work and change your life. :smile:

Quick Reply

Latest