Insecure, have a bizzare complex
Sorry for the self-centred post but I need somewhere to go to talk about it or get advice because I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone else.
Overall I am an insecure individual who covers this up in social situations and is known to be sociable, bubbly and tend to be the person organising social events. 3/4 years ago, I left my socially awkward past of bullying and isolation behind me and strived to be sociable which has worked to an extent, but my front is very different from what actually goes on inside my head. I don't seem to have any trouble making friends, but at the same time, certain people seem to dislike me, maybe because I am very enthusiastic about things? About my courses, about my hobbies, about people? It's my natural disposition? I frequently have personality clashes with other people that are social leaders, for example. I sense when these types of other 'strong-personality' people dislike me, and they are generally the people that end up making rude comments about/to me or unfriending me on facebook when life situations change.
I know I should be mature enough to know you can't make everyone like you, but I am so sensitive to people disliking me. I can't help it. I find this crippling. I put on an act when I meet new people but inside I am very scared they will dislike me and I want to get rid of this feeling.
Additonally I suffered a lot with a very awful relationship between my parents which has made me weirdly insecure. When I was growing up, my mum was an irrational manic depressive, who was very insecure about my father's relationships with women. She had frequent episodes and many scarred me, for example, she would take me to his work to observe him talking to other women and shout they were cheating. This left me with a strong impression which I try so hard to shrug off but can't: this impression is that all women are only really interested in male attention, and become jealous/annoyed when other girls look good/take care of themselves. Though I love being friends with girls(I am a girl), I am often scared to present myself nicely and do my hair, make up, wear nice clothes etc in case women get jealous of me and start to hate me. Yet at the same time, I don't want people to say I'm ugly and I don't want to be badly presented as people dislike those who are badly presented. I know this would make no sense to someone else but I just feel really conflicted inside and I need some reassurance.
Is there anyone out there who can, please, in any way relate or help? I am starting to get very insecure about starting university and I need to control these stupid fears. I just can't seem to.
Overall I am an insecure individual who covers this up in social situations and is known to be sociable, bubbly and tend to be the person organising social events. 3/4 years ago, I left my socially awkward past of bullying and isolation behind me and strived to be sociable which has worked to an extent, but my front is very different from what actually goes on inside my head. I don't seem to have any trouble making friends, but at the same time, certain people seem to dislike me, maybe because I am very enthusiastic about things? About my courses, about my hobbies, about people? It's my natural disposition? I frequently have personality clashes with other people that are social leaders, for example. I sense when these types of other 'strong-personality' people dislike me, and they are generally the people that end up making rude comments about/to me or unfriending me on facebook when life situations change.
I know I should be mature enough to know you can't make everyone like you, but I am so sensitive to people disliking me. I can't help it. I find this crippling. I put on an act when I meet new people but inside I am very scared they will dislike me and I want to get rid of this feeling.
Additonally I suffered a lot with a very awful relationship between my parents which has made me weirdly insecure. When I was growing up, my mum was an irrational manic depressive, who was very insecure about my father's relationships with women. She had frequent episodes and many scarred me, for example, she would take me to his work to observe him talking to other women and shout they were cheating. This left me with a strong impression which I try so hard to shrug off but can't: this impression is that all women are only really interested in male attention, and become jealous/annoyed when other girls look good/take care of themselves. Though I love being friends with girls(I am a girl), I am often scared to present myself nicely and do my hair, make up, wear nice clothes etc in case women get jealous of me and start to hate me. Yet at the same time, I don't want people to say I'm ugly and I don't want to be badly presented as people dislike those who are badly presented. I know this would make no sense to someone else but I just feel really conflicted inside and I need some reassurance.
Is there anyone out there who can, please, in any way relate or help? I am starting to get very insecure about starting university and I need to control these stupid fears. I just can't seem to.
When I started university I cared not one bit about the people around me. I just got on with my work. If I was stuck on anything I would ask my adviser about it.
Tbh, if you are picked on then it's not your problem, it's theirs. They need to feel above others because they don't feel good about themselves. And besides, real friends would accept each others' and their own flaws.
Tbh, if you are picked on then it's not your problem, it's theirs. They need to feel above others because they don't feel good about themselves. And besides, real friends would accept each others' and their own flaws.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by shawn_o1
When I started university I cared not one bit about the people around me. I just got on with my work. If I was stuck on anything I would ask my adviser about it.
Tbh, if you are picked on then it's not your problem, it's theirs. They need to feel above others because they don't feel good about themselves. And besides, real friends would accept each others' and their own flaws.
Tbh, if you are picked on then it's not your problem, it's theirs. They need to feel above others because they don't feel good about themselves. And besides, real friends would accept each others' and their own flaws.
You are right, people that pick on othes or make others feel uncomfortable often have weaknesses.
However, for me being sociable is important. I can only go for so long without social interaction. Being isolated is awful for me.
BUMP
Original post by Mackay
Anybody who dislikes you without giving you a chance isn't worth the effort, time or worry. I personally LOVE positive people - and sure, they probably annoy some others - but positivity is an admirable trait which is in short supply in humanity.
Thank you. It sure is. I find that people may presume because I am always smiling etc they think I have had it easy or something, maybe. Maybe they are jealous of my optimism. Who knows. All I know is whatever you do, sometimes it feels like there will always be people that find a reason to dislike you.
I think I am getting more confident with time. I hope that I will soon overcome the insecurities I have about dressing up and looking nice. I don't like too because I don't like to attract attention or I don't want other girls to think I am trying to steal their boyfriend and become envious. Yet at the same time I don't want to look like I've made no effort. This sounds so bizzare, I know, but I can't get rid of these feelings inside me.
I overthink one hell of a lot and its a pretty hard mindset to get out of when you're as messed up as I am.
Original post by Anonymous
All I know is whatever you do, sometimes it feels like there will always be people that find a reason to dislike you.
Truer words were never spoken. Don't fret about them.
I can actually relate to this in a lot of ways; I was bullied when I was younger so now, I always feel the need to have this 'happy go lucky' facade in front of other people all time and then I freak out when people don't like me or pick out my insecurities.
Keep being the social butterfly that you are but don't be afraid to let the real you shine through, try and open up about your insecurities to the friends that you trust the most, because pretending that you have it together when you actually feel as though you haven't will just end up driving you crazy. In regards to the people that give you a hard time, this probably stems from the fact that people have this weird thing about them where they resent people that appear to be happier than them. So if anyone is mean to you for no apparent reason, it's probably because they are just as or even more insecure as you are.
Keep being the social butterfly that you are but don't be afraid to let the real you shine through, try and open up about your insecurities to the friends that you trust the most, because pretending that you have it together when you actually feel as though you haven't will just end up driving you crazy. In regards to the people that give you a hard time, this probably stems from the fact that people have this weird thing about them where they resent people that appear to be happier than them. So if anyone is mean to you for no apparent reason, it's probably because they are just as or even more insecure as you are.
