Not sure if to dump my boyfriend or not

I am going to university next week, we have been dating for 1-2 months. While he understands I will be busy and won't see him very often, he really wants to carry on dating me long-distance for a little bit just to try it out and see if it goes anywhere. I am really reluctant to do this, because I'm not sure if I can stay committed, or if I even want to stay committed - its not so much that I'll be jumping into bed with another guy straight away, but its only been a little while and I really don't know what my feelings are towards him. I fancy him (thats why I'm dating him) but going long-distance feels like a step in the relationship that I'm not ready to take. I'd rather throw myself into university life without ties back to my hometown. But we do like eachover so it does seem a shame to waste it.

Would I be stupid to throw this away, or is it the right thing to do? My gut says to dump him, but I don't feel I have a proper reason to do it.

Reply 1

Ciranore

8

Original post by Anonymous

I am going to university next week, we have been dating for 1-2 months. While he understands I will be busy and won't see him very often, he really wants to carry on dating me long-distance for a little bit just to try it out and see if it goes anywhere. I am really reluctant to do this, because I'm not sure if I can stay committed, or if I even want to stay committed - its not so much that I'll be jumping into bed with another guy straight away, but its only been a little while and I really don't know what my feelings are towards him. I fancy him (thats why I'm dating him) but going long-distance feels like a step in the relationship that I'm not ready to take. I'd rather throw myself into university life without ties back to my hometown. But we do like eachover so it does seem a shame to waste it.

Would I be stupid to throw this away, or is it the right thing to do? My gut says to dump him, but I don't feel I have a proper reason to do it.

yup, get rid of him.

Reply 2

NancyRoseC

9

definitely chuck him.

Reply 3

vortex_199

11

It sounds like you are not invested enough in the relationship at this stage. Ending it is probably best for everyone.

Reply 4

TenOfThem

18

Original post by Anonymous

I don't feel I have a proper reason to do it.

Nah

Reality is

You do not have a proper reason to stay together

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ciranore

yup, get rid of him.

badly phrased :colondollar:

Thanks to the replies. I did try explaining to him today that I didn't feel I wanted to carry it on but he kept asking me why and I couldn't answer him. What's the best way to describe it?
I feel very guilty because I feel he's now really emotionally attached, despite me feeling from the start that I did not want to carry a relationship to university (something I did explain to him tbf) and now I'm not sure how to end it.

Reply 6

Zarek

21

It's a horrible dilemma. I think it's best to be as truthful as you can. You don't want to commit as you are off to a new life at uni. One of the worst things about being dumped is cliches and platitudes..

Reply 7

xDave-

19

You'll have to firmly explain your reasoning if you decide to end it. It doesn't sound like you're too interested in staying in the relationship - even if it wasn't long distance - so maybe it would be best to break up before someone gets too attached.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

So I've explained to him I can't carry on with it. Immediately feels like the wrong decision but that must be normal for break ups, right? Either way I feel like a bitch and really upset. He's confused and also really upset.

Reply 9

Jakeh

12

Original post by Anonymous

So I've explained to him I can't carry on with it. Immediately feels like the wrong decision but that must be normal for break ups, right? Either way I feel like a bitch and really upset. He's confused and also really upset.

Breaking up with someone gives you some really conflicting emotions, but you had your reasons and ultimately that's why you've done it. Sure in 1 years time you might look back and think, "damn I shouldn't have ended that" but similarly you could have spent 1 year with him unhappy.

Ultimately - and I truly believe this - if it's meant to work, it'll work, maybe you do a term single and realise you miss him and he misses you and will take you back and you can try a LDR.

Until then, I'd focus on yourself, enjoying the start of an amazing period of your life, where you are going to meet so many new people. But don't tell him anything other than it's over, then cut contact, try your absolute best to do that, give eachother some space, if you are going out/seeing guys, don't make it obvious and if he's not on your fb/twitter then even better.

Just try and be sympathetic to his feelings, he will be pretty hurt and the last thing he needs is to see how AMAZING (which it will be btw!) freshers week is, and pictures with you and random guys or whatever.

Reply 10

rhiannon277

11

It's normal to feel guilty. You haven't been together long and if you feel it should end then better now than dragging it out and making him even more miserable in the long run.

Reply 11

Ciranore

8

Original post by Anonymous

badly phrased :colondollar:

Thanks to the replies. I did try explaining to him today that I didn't feel I wanted to carry it on but he kept asking me why and I couldn't answer him. What's the best way to describe it?
I feel very guilty because I feel he's now really emotionally attached, despite me feeling from the start that I did not want to carry a relationship to university (something I did explain to him tbf) and now I'm not sure how to end it.

Does seem that way ;D

Just make it clear you do not feel you can carry it on over long distance and that you're not ready for a relationship or something idk, no need to overcomplicate things, make a clean break from him and move on :smile:

Not sure if to dump my boyfriend or not

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