A group of boys pranked me in my teens and now I still feel ugly at 21?
..
(edited 9 years ago)
Oh shut up. You're 21 and an adult, yet you're still letting things like MSN from year 9 upset you. Nobody is ever going to find you attractive or date you if all you do is mope around about how bad you feel about stupid things that happened years ago. Grow up, move on, and talk to people. The people asking you out are doing it because they want to; generally adults have enough self respect to not ask people out just for jokes and to take the piss. If this is happening regularly, why can't you accept that they actually want to spend time with you? You're not in the playground any more.
(edited 9 years ago)
I know it's easier said than done, but you should try your hardest to move on from this. Maybe, accept one of the coffee date offers and hopefully you'll find someone that really does like you, enabling you to move on from the petty boys in year 9
Original post by Pectorac
Oh shut up. You're 21 and an adult, yet you're still letting things like MSN from year 9 upset you. Nobody is ever going to find you attractive or date you if all you do is mope around about how bad you feel about stupid things that happened years ago, Grow up, move on, and talk to people. The people asking you out are doing it because they want to; generally adults have enough self respect to not ask people out just for jokes and to take the piss. If this is happening regularly, why can't you accept that they actually want to spend time with you? You're not in the playground any more.
I don't mop around lol. I'm very social and have had a boyfriend so I'm not completely void of logic. I'm an adult and this occurred in year 11. I simply expressed that I think that being pranked as a teen has impacted on my self esteem years on. Of course I understand that they want to spend time with me but I cannot help the thoughts that creep up on me that I'm not worthy etc. It's very difficult to explain. Thanks for your comment though.
Wow, what a story!
Firstly, you're going to get a lot of people who will say "you're 21 grow up etc etc" please ignore. They probably don't understand that things like this which happened in our childhood will remain with us for some time and affect the way we behave in the future.
Basically, put it this way, you wouldn't wear the same style of clothes you used to wear when you were 15, so why are you still carrying the same thought/prejudice about them pathetic time wasters of the past and allowing yourself to apply it to those in the present?
Only you can decide to love you for you who are, and accept your own beauty, and stop yourself from thinking someone will let you down.
Choose wisely and they hopefully won't! But if you keep thinking that they'll turn out like a blast from your past, then they most likely will.
Good luck!
Firstly, you're going to get a lot of people who will say "you're 21 grow up etc etc" please ignore. They probably don't understand that things like this which happened in our childhood will remain with us for some time and affect the way we behave in the future.
Basically, put it this way, you wouldn't wear the same style of clothes you used to wear when you were 15, so why are you still carrying the same thought/prejudice about them pathetic time wasters of the past and allowing yourself to apply it to those in the present?
Only you can decide to love you for you who are, and accept your own beauty, and stop yourself from thinking someone will let you down.
Choose wisely and they hopefully won't! But if you keep thinking that they'll turn out like a blast from your past, then they most likely will.
Good luck!
Original post by notquitesure56
I don't mop around lol. I'm very social and have had a boyfriend so I'm not completely void of logic. I'm an adult and this occurred in year 11. I simply expressed that I think that being pranked as a teen has impacted on my self esteem years on. Of course I understand that they want to spend time with me but I cannot help the thoughts that creep up on me that I'm not worthy etc. It's very difficult to explain. Thanks for your comment though.
You cannot compare the whole male population to the stupid 13/14 year kids on MSN in year 9 and 10. Adults ask people out if they want to go out with them; they don't prank people like that. If they are asking you then you are worthy.
Go on the dates; what's the worst that could happen? It will either go well, or either of you might decide it won't go anywhere, but then you'll have the dating experience and confidence to go on more dates. If the first dates aren't successful, it's not because they're pranking you, it just wouldn't work but they were willing to have a go. It might go great for all you know. Nobody cares what a bunch of silly teenage boys said on MSN or on the phone years ago. The people asking you out now are not stupid little boys who want to show off to their friends about how many girls they can wind up and bet a quid and a Mars bar that they can annoy you first.
Hey, I completely understand. I was constantly tormented for years about how ugly, disgusting, retarded and unloveable I was. The worse thing was it was from my older brother, someone who was supposed to protect me - instead he'd tell bullies what to say to get to me. Its taken me years to accept who I am and I still struggle with believing that I'm attractive to anyone (my pic is in my profile - you can decide for yourself!). But I've come to realise that its so important to love and believe in yourself despite what anyone has said to you. Its the only way you can be truly happy, and everything else tends to fall in place. Don't let past experiences define your future.
Original post by *Dreamer*
Hey, I completely understand. I was constantly tormented for years about how ugly, disgusting, retarded and unloveable I was. The worse thing was it was from my older brother, someone who was supposed to protect me - instead he'd tell bullies what to say to get to me. Its taken me years to accept who I am and I still struggle with believing that I'm attractive to anyone (my pic is in my profile - you can decide for yourself!). But I've come to realise that its so important to love and believe in yourself despite what anyone has said to you. Its the only way you can be truly happy, and everything else tends to fall in place. Don't let past experiences define your future.
What the hell? I just checked it out and I honestly mean it when I say you're beautiful. I'm so confused right now.
I'm really sorry for what you went through. I don't even know why it bothers me so much. I've changed so much physically but I still have these nagging thoughts every now and then. I hope you realise how pretty you are. Seriously.
Original post by notquitesure56
What the hell? I just checked it out and I honestly mean it when I say you're beautiful. I'm so confused right now.
I'm really sorry for what you went through. I don't even know why it bothers me so much. I've changed so much physically but I still have these nagging thoughts every now and then. I hope you realise how pretty you are. Seriously.
I'm really sorry for what you went through. I don't even know why it bothers me so much. I've changed so much physically but I still have these nagging thoughts every now and then. I hope you realise how pretty you are. Seriously.
Thats really sweet of you. Its OK, like I said its taken me a while to accept myself - I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror and think I'm beautiful at all despite what people say, but I still love myself and want to be happy. Its so painful when you're made to feel that way no matter how long ago it was, and so its natural to still feel that way sometimes. Just think of all the amazing things about yourself inside and out (I'm sure theres tons
) and never let anyone tell you otherwise xx
It's alright.
Teenage boys can be dicks and things like that happen to a lot of girls. It doesn't matter if they're ugly or pretty, fat or thin etc.
But eventually they grow up and they stop doing those childish things. You can't take what happened seriously. It was just some boys being stupid. You're probably not ugly and I imagine that there are tons of guys that would love to have you as a girlfriend. Don't let it get to you.
If you're interested in a guy, accept the coffee or be nice back. These guys aren't little 14 year old boys.
Teenage boys can be dicks and things like that happen to a lot of girls. It doesn't matter if they're ugly or pretty, fat or thin etc.
But eventually they grow up and they stop doing those childish things. You can't take what happened seriously. It was just some boys being stupid. You're probably not ugly and I imagine that there are tons of guys that would love to have you as a girlfriend. Don't let it get to you.
If you're interested in a guy, accept the coffee or be nice back. These guys aren't little 14 year old boys.
(edited 9 years ago)
Firstly f**k him, you should have told yourself that years ago and moved on.
Secondly teenage boys do this to girls to boost their own ego, usually because they lack self confidence or just want to show face to their other immature friends.
Don't let a silly common scenario that happened years ago affect the way you think about yourself and how you react with guys that show you attention.
Secondly teenage boys do this to girls to boost their own ego, usually because they lack self confidence or just want to show face to their other immature friends.
Don't let a silly common scenario that happened years ago affect the way you think about yourself and how you react with guys that show you attention.
Original post by i360
Wow that's ****ed up.
If i was in your place, id give the mother ****er some payback!
If i was in your place, id give the mother ****er some payback!
Original post by notquitesure56
I heard a snigger directed at me in the background once and my blood ran cold.
I know the exact feeling. I think your subconscious was trying to protect you from getting hurt. The problem is you have "learned" this now, which causes all these reactions you have now. But it is a good thing to be cautious around guys. Many of them don't grow up until they get their first taste of the real world (first real job - midtwenties or even later). School and university environments can be infantilising in that respect. So don't worry about being cautious, it's a very good thing. For your own happiness however, try to actively learn to like yourself, and work on not being too dependent on what others think of you - it takes a bit of time but it will make many aspects of your life so much easier.
I understand where you're coming from. I was bullied really badly through Year 8 - Year 11 in secondary school... a lot of horrible comments coming from guys. Like *really* horrible stuff. The kind of things you don't forget. Every day. For years.
After I left school, I lost weight, started looking after myself. I never changed - I still have the same taste in music, the same stupid sense of humour. But I became more confident and really embraced who I was so afraid of being in school/was mocked for.
I haven't been bullied since school. I do still have self esteem issues and I do have mixed feelings with guys (the same doubts as you - do they really like me etc) but you have to learn to seperate the present from the past. Boys, when they are in school, do silly/nasty things like that. It's part of being that age - some people are the bullies, some people are the ones that get bullied. It doesn't mean anything once you leave school - people (generally!) grow up.
If it's really affecting you, it may be worth going for some counselling. My bullying (and other factors - stuff at home, etc) led to me being severely depressed, and I since had therapy where my bullying came up - and I found it really useful to get it off my chest. You might find the same?
Either way, as I said... remember that life at school, with the games and the teasing etc, is very different to real life.
And feel free to PM me if you want.
After I left school, I lost weight, started looking after myself. I never changed - I still have the same taste in music, the same stupid sense of humour. But I became more confident and really embraced who I was so afraid of being in school/was mocked for.
I haven't been bullied since school. I do still have self esteem issues and I do have mixed feelings with guys (the same doubts as you - do they really like me etc) but you have to learn to seperate the present from the past. Boys, when they are in school, do silly/nasty things like that. It's part of being that age - some people are the bullies, some people are the ones that get bullied. It doesn't mean anything once you leave school - people (generally!) grow up.
If it's really affecting you, it may be worth going for some counselling. My bullying (and other factors - stuff at home, etc) led to me being severely depressed, and I since had therapy where my bullying came up - and I found it really useful to get it off my chest. You might find the same?
Either way, as I said... remember that life at school, with the games and the teasing etc, is very different to real life.
And feel free to PM me if you want.Original post by notquitesure56
(I know this is long but I'd really appreciate your advice!!!!!) I just want to put a disclaimer out there that I'm not anywhere near as bothered by this today as I once was but I feel that it has subconsciously affected how I respond to guys now. As any life experience would. Is it possible?
As depressing as this once was, in year 9/10/11 I used to talk to a guy on the phone for a few hours every now and then. We used to talk on MSN every single day without fail after school (oh yes- and I used to do the online/offline give-me-attention thing lmao). He would be really nice but abruptly leave conversations every time. Then he'd randomly say he was going to call me to "talk". This used to make me extremely happy and we'd talk for a while. His friend would be in the background sometimes and I felt like I was being played almost. I just had an inkling that I was being taken for a ride. A prank. *Let her think I like her hahaha* kind of thing. I wasn't very popular or as pretty as I am now (dare I say- groomed) so I came to the eventual realisation that he and the rest of them were taking the piss out of me. I backed off completely in year 11. I heard a snigger directed at me in the background once and my blood ran cold. Sounds dumb but it really bothered me.
Later in the year, his friends would talk to me in lessons and be generally nice. I felt like they were trying to drag me back into the joke. One girl told me that another girl and the guy I was talking to were "getting close". This pretty much let me know that he can't have been serious about me. I was ugly, she was pretty. However, he kept persisting and I was pulled back into it. He was really nice to me and I'd never had attention from a guy before. Plus, I felt I was being a bit too hasty.
His friend kept telling me that the guy liked me and that I should tell him if I liked him. As juvenile as I was, I fell for it and told him that I liked him. He told me he didn't feel the same way. I was crushed. I mean, crushed. I cried the whole night and was so humiliated. I had to go into school and face everyone despite the rejection. I never spoke to him again. So now, at 21 years of age, I still think any guy who shows me any kind of attention is taking the piss. If a guy talks to me out of nowhere, I assume it's out of boredom. If a guy asks for my number I always have a thought in the back of my head that it's a big joke. I'm told that I'm attractive and I honestly feel it (at times). However, being the ugly girl and turning to a pretty one later in life is horrible. It's like I'm still ugly on the inside at times (in my own head) but guys see something else.
I did get a confidence boost when I saw him and his friend out shopping last year. His friend said "Jesus Christ!", gave me hug and the guy looked surprised and kind of taken aback. But, it makes me feel so stupid that I needed his reaction to my appearance to feel better about myself.
This experience has stopped me from accepting coffee dates at uni or allowing guys to be nice to me. The first time in my life that I was given attention by a guy was a big joke. How the hell do I get over this?
As depressing as this once was, in year 9/10/11 I used to talk to a guy on the phone for a few hours every now and then. We used to talk on MSN every single day without fail after school (oh yes- and I used to do the online/offline give-me-attention thing lmao). He would be really nice but abruptly leave conversations every time. Then he'd randomly say he was going to call me to "talk". This used to make me extremely happy and we'd talk for a while. His friend would be in the background sometimes and I felt like I was being played almost. I just had an inkling that I was being taken for a ride. A prank. *Let her think I like her hahaha* kind of thing. I wasn't very popular or as pretty as I am now (dare I say- groomed) so I came to the eventual realisation that he and the rest of them were taking the piss out of me. I backed off completely in year 11. I heard a snigger directed at me in the background once and my blood ran cold. Sounds dumb but it really bothered me.
Later in the year, his friends would talk to me in lessons and be generally nice. I felt like they were trying to drag me back into the joke. One girl told me that another girl and the guy I was talking to were "getting close". This pretty much let me know that he can't have been serious about me. I was ugly, she was pretty. However, he kept persisting and I was pulled back into it. He was really nice to me and I'd never had attention from a guy before. Plus, I felt I was being a bit too hasty.
His friend kept telling me that the guy liked me and that I should tell him if I liked him. As juvenile as I was, I fell for it and told him that I liked him. He told me he didn't feel the same way. I was crushed. I mean, crushed. I cried the whole night and was so humiliated. I had to go into school and face everyone despite the rejection. I never spoke to him again. So now, at 21 years of age, I still think any guy who shows me any kind of attention is taking the piss. If a guy talks to me out of nowhere, I assume it's out of boredom. If a guy asks for my number I always have a thought in the back of my head that it's a big joke. I'm told that I'm attractive and I honestly feel it (at times). However, being the ugly girl and turning to a pretty one later in life is horrible. It's like I'm still ugly on the inside at times (in my own head) but guys see something else.
I did get a confidence boost when I saw him and his friend out shopping last year. His friend said "Jesus Christ!", gave me hug and the guy looked surprised and kind of taken aback. But, it makes me feel so stupid that I needed his reaction to my appearance to feel better about myself.
This experience has stopped me from accepting coffee dates at uni or allowing guys to be nice to me. The first time in my life that I was given attention by a guy was a big joke. How the hell do I get over this?
People don't joke as much when they're older. Make sure in this case now that they put commitment into it. School kids are the nastiest, they think they're clever until they get to be an adult and realise what they've done wrong. They end up working in mcdonalds (no offence to anyone working there but some do) There's not much respect in the uk anyway regarding relationships so i'd do what i'm doing and go for a nice person outside of this country unless you go to uni, you should be able to find a nice person there.
I haven't seen this suggested...
But have you ever thought that maybe the guy did like you?
But owing to school and popularity groupings etc generally a boy will not admit he likes a girl that isn't classed as the most popular or the prettiest etc.
Either way, the past is in the past and you can't change it.
So try not to think every male is going to be like this and enjoy going out on dates etc
Posted from TSR Mobile
But have you ever thought that maybe the guy did like you?
But owing to school and popularity groupings etc generally a boy will not admit he likes a girl that isn't classed as the most popular or the prettiest etc.
Either way, the past is in the past and you can't change it.
So try not to think every male is going to be like this and enjoy going out on dates etc
Posted from TSR Mobile
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