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Best friend accused me of rape

Sorry for continuing on my original thread but there were a lot of rude people/trolls, and it got deleted. Maybe this thread can be friendlier?

Basically, me and my best guy friend are 18, I'm openly gay and he's straight (so he says). We got really drunk on Tuesday night and had sex. He initiated it and although he was very drunk, he could still get it up.

Since then he has acted completely normal, so I suspected he might not remember, or maybe he's just fine since we're good friends.

But this afternoon he texted me telling me that someone told him about it, and he doesn't remember. He claims he remembers passing out in the bed (which he never did, apart from going to sleep after we had sex), and that if anything I've said is true then I raped him. He said if he was so drunk that he wasn't unconscious but was doing it, then that was still rape. And he said the only other alternative is that I'm making this up, in which case he still has no respect for me.

Basically, he has told me that we are no longer friends and that I shouldn't ever talk to him again. I've talked to my bff and she thinks he just regrets sleeping with me because he will be known as having unprotected sex with a gay guy, which may put girls off him (he has a big reputation as a bit of a player) since us gays aren't exactly known for being clean and STD-free.

To make matters worse, it turns out that he has got back together with his ex, so I've had her yelling at me the whole afternoon for sleeping with her boyfriend (because obviously he can't take the blame for cheating, right). She was a good friend but I fear I've lost her too.

Essentially I've really screwed up my friendship with my best friend and he says he believes I am either a liar or a rapist, and I have no idea what to do. Any advice is welcome :smile:

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Reply 1
Eventful story :s-smilie: I wouldn't really know what to say in this case. Your friend accused you of a criminal offence, and tbh, that's justification for him ending the friendship with you. Perhaps leave him to calm down for a a few days and agree to meet up where you can explain everything properly instead of him hearing it from someone else.
Reply 2
Mate, if he isn't lying and he cant remember it due to being so drunk... then thats rape. If he's lying then he's made his decision to not be your friend. You have to just accept that, I don't think there is any fix to this friendship.
Sorry, but this sounds like rape (I saw your other thread too).
If the same thing had happened to one of your girl friends, what would your reaction be?
Even though you say your friend initiated it, a drunk person is in no condition to consent.
I shall refer you to the case R v Bree 2007. Drunk consent is still consent. Have a look at the case and see if it is similar to your situation (http://www.lawteacher.net/criminal-law/cases/criminallawcases.php just scroll down a bit).
Original post by DiddyDec
I shall refer you to the case R v Bree 2007. Drunk consent is still consent. Have a look at the case and see if it is similar to your situation (http://www.lawteacher.net/criminal-law/cases/criminallawcases.php just scroll down a bit).


This.

Your friend regrets that you had sex, hence the cries of RAPE, RAPE.
Original post by Coxy124
Mate, if he isn't lying and he cant remember it due to being so drunk... then thats rape. If he's lying then he's made his decision to not be your friend. You have to just accept that, I don't think there is any fix to this friendship.


How does that mean it is rape?

Just because he can't remember doesn't mean he wasn't able to consent at the time. You can be drunk and consent to sex.

EDIT: Lol, I even misread the thread. I thought OP initiated the sex. If his friend was the one who initiated it, how the actual **** could anyone seriously suggest that it was rape?
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Chief Wiggum
How does that mean it is rape?

Just because he can't remember doesn't mean he wasn't able to consent at the time. You can be drunk and consent to sex.

yeh how does it all work?

when both are drunk its grand..

what if one is sober..is it rape?

its such a grey area..all this
Original post by trustmeimlying1
yeh how does it all work?

when both are drunk its grand..

what if one is sober..is it rape?

its such a grey area..all this


There is such a thing as being "too drunk to consent" (which is incredibly ambiguous IMO), but given that OP's friend was the one who initiated it, then I don't see how that could possibly apply here.
Reply 9
Original post by Chief Wiggum
How does that mean it is rape?

Just because he can't remember doesn't mean he wasn't able to consent at the time. You can be drunk and consent to sex.

EDIT: Lol, I even misread the thread. I thought OP initiated the sex. If his friend was the one who initiated it, how the actual **** could anyone seriously suggest that it was rape?


Because if your drunk enough to not be able to remember then your too drunk to be in a sound mind to consent.
Original post by bananaminion
Sorry, but this sounds like rape (I saw your other thread too).
If the same thing had happened to one of your girl friends, what would your reaction be?
Even though you say your friend initiated it, a drunk person is in no condition to consent.


So basically, drunk people are not allowed to have sex? :cool:
Original post by Chief Wiggum
There is such a thing as being "too drunk to consent" (which is incredibly ambiguous IMO), but given that OP's friend was the one who initiated it, then I don't see how that could possibly apply here.

yeh me confused:I
like obivously id never go out to rape..but with lads supposedly the ones who are supposed to make the move..its hard to know what to do at times
Original post by Coxy124
Because if your drunk enough to not be able to remember then your too drunk to be in a sound mind to consent.


I don't think that's true.
Original post by Coxy124
Because if your drunk enough to not be able to remember then your too drunk to be in a sound mind to consent.


Drunk consent is still consent. If you get yourself drunk and then consent it is consent non the less.
I would issue legal proceedings for defamation requiring an injunction against further similar statements and very substantial damages plus legal costs. See a solicitor.
Reply 15
"(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents."

He consented to it, it's not rape. Basically he's ashamed that he had gay sex so accusing you of rape is the only way he can deal with it.
Original post by Teofilo
So basically, drunk people are not allowed to have sex? :cool:

Ok, not rape, after seeing what other people have been saying about it not being rape.

However, I'm sorry, but if your best friend is drunk, what kind of person would have sex with them when they are perfectly well aware that this person wouldn't if they were sober. That's not the kind of friend I'd want.
Here is the simple explanation for consent while under the influence of alcohol. R v Bree 2007.

The Court of Appeal held that
“If, through drink (or for any other reason) the complainant has temporarily lost her capacity to choose whether to have intercourse on the relevant occasion, she is not consenting… However, where the complainant has voluntarily consumed even substantial quantities of alcohol, but nevertheless remains capable of choosing whether or not to have intercourse, and in drink agrees to do so, this would not be rape.”


Reply 18
Original post by Chief Wiggum
I don't think that's true.


http://www.rapeandabuse.co.nz/what-is-rape/

"
[h="2"]What if you were drunk?[/h] Perpetrators often use alcohol or drugs to make someone vulnerable or to excuse their own behaviour. If you are too drunk to decide or unaware of what is going on you cannot give true consent. It is never your fault: Being drunk does not mean you give up your human rights.
[h="2"]Definitions[/h] Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without consent. Consenting to sex means that you know what you are doing, you want to do it and you can stop at any time.
If a person is too drunk to decide or unaware of what’s happening to them, they can not give true consent. This is rape. Even if the rapist was drunk too, even if the victim doesn’t remember everything: taking advantage of someone who is drunk or on drugs is rape. Rape is a common form of sexual assault. It is committed in many situations on a date, by a friend or an acquaintance, or when you think you are alone."
Original post by tomtjl
"(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents."

He consented to it, it's not rape. Basically he's ashamed that he had gay sex so accusing you of rape is the only way he can deal with it.


Original post by Chief Wiggum
How does that mean it is rape?

Just because he can't remember doesn't mean he wasn't able to consent at the time. You can be drunk and consent to sex.

EDIT: Lol, I even misread the thread. I thought OP initiated the sex. If his friend was the one who initiated it, how the actual **** could anyone seriously suggest that it was rape?


Original post by DiddyDec
I shall refer you to the case R v Bree 2007. Drunk consent is still consent. Have a look at the case and see if it is similar to your situation (http://www.lawteacher.net/criminal-law/cases/criminallawcases.php just scroll down a bit).



Basically this. OP, ignore him. He can try and go to the police with his rape claim but he's not going to get anywhere with it. I don't know how you could consider such a dickwad to be your best friend, but whatever.

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