Can you remain friends with your ex?

I just got dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years, she said she wanted to end it in good terms and that we can still remain friends. It just hurts to hear her talk to me as a normal friend, but I think it would hurt even more if she just avoids me. Right now in my head its just mostly on how to get her back because I still have feelings for her and she is a great girl.

You guys have any experiences on this?

Reply 1

Sannn

Personally I don't think it's worth it. You'll never move on and you'll always be harboring a hope that you get back together if you constantly see her and are her friend. Your only call would be to cut her out completely - believe me, I know this sucks and it hurts like no man's business, but it's a long term thing you've gotta do for yourself. You'll always be held back and not be moving forward if you stick around. Wait until your feelings have gone (this'll take a while, given you've been with her for 2 years, sorry :/) before you attempt friendship again.

I think that she doesn't really want to let you go completely, as she still wants you around in her life, but only as friends. It's a common behaviour of the dumper - they feel guilty for leaving the person, but don't want to do it completely.

Reply 2

MajesticGoat

Not if you're a goat. We despise our ex's as they usually go off and suck on the balls of your best mate. Neither are forgiven after partaking in these activities. They can goat to hell.

Reply 3

mrhedgehog

The best way to get over her is to cut her out of your life and just move on, remaining friends will just hurt you more and more especially when she starts dating other guys. Just move on.... it hurts now but in the future when you find someone else you will know you have made the right decision.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by mrhedgehog

It is pretty hard. Since in Uni we study the same course, we have the same tutorial sets and we have a lot of mutual friends.

Reply 5

cupcakes87

hey! i know this was advice for a guy but i found it really helpful and ive been doing the same kinda! it does work, it hurts but you get there eventually! :hugs:

just cut contact completely! it hurts first and then you kinda just feel numb to it and then after that you should be fine! :hugs:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 6

mrhedgehog

Original post by Anonymous

It is pretty hard. Since in Uni we study the same course, we have the same tutorial sets and we have a lot of mutual friends.

That is tough but you can find a way. Try finding a new hobby that can take your mind off her, bodybuilding helped me a lot. Try to find time for yourself to make yourself a better person and doing something you love doing and whenever a thought about her comes to mind, just ignore it and think about something else... over time you will start thinking of her less. Also try chilling with your male friends, sometimes they can help lighten up your mood.

Reply 7

syrettd

I'm sort of friends with one of my exes (we've lost touch recently though). There has to be a period of time where there is no contact, or you will never move on. My ex wanted us to be friends right from the start, but I knew that that was just him trying not to let go of me, and that if I was his friend he wouldn't be able to get over me. A year on from that and we began talking again (albeit in sad circumstances).

We're never going to be best friends or anything, but I know we could hang out and it would be like before we got together.

Reply 8

Helloworld_95

In my experience reduce contact as much as you can, find someone new to crush on and then gradually start talking to her more as you can start to see her more as a friend.

Reply 9

Meduza

You can only if you never loved them in first place... since it seems like you have I'd suggest like many others ^^ to just cut contact straight and neat.

Reply 10

Youni-chan

As other posters have said...No contact has got to happen. I'm currently going through this and you'll find that being friends just hinders you moving on. And time will fly by, and you'll still be hoping to get back together when she's moved on. I don't agree with moving on so quickly and finding a 'replacement' to deal with the pain. Just deal with it tbh, move on and stand by yourself for a while. It's likely in your current state you'll just get into a rebound relationship and that's the worst.
I would try avoid her as much as possible and not talk to her when possible. If you have to, very curt and short replies if I were you.

Reply 11

Lewis-Glasgow

A quote I read a year or so ago sums this up brilliantly;

"When your ex says "We can still be friends", is like saying "The dog died but can we keep it""

Of course you want to stay close to her to keep an eye on her etc, but how will you feel when she starts getting close to another guy?

Atleast if you cut all ties with her, "what you don't know, won't hurt you" :wink:

I had a girlfriend of two years, and after we stopped going out she said she wanted to remain friends - this lasted for around 2/3 months of awkward talking and conversations before I realised that I was never going to move on with her still in my life.

I would go out with my friends to the pub and if I was with my girl pals, I'd get a text; "can't believe you'd do that to me" etc etc etc

A month or two after I cut her out my life completely, I met a new girl who I've been with for the past 3.5 years :smile:

Never spoke to my ex since, and have no intentions.

Let her go buddy, if it's meant to be she'll come back, and if she doesnt - she wasn't the one.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 12

Chicken.M.

you can when it's a mutual break up

Reply 13

Sazzy890

In my experience it's not possible. If it's not a mutual separation there may be a lot of hurt (which can turn into hate, anger etc) which makes it virtually impossible.

Even where it has ended on good terms it is not usually possible (though more likely than when one or the other is still hurting over the break up) because as soon as you or they get someone else, their new partner gets all jealous and then it causes problems. I broke up with someone about 5 years ago or so, it was kinda mutual (maybe a little more me than him), and I gave up trying to be friends in the end and just cut ties completely because it was a total nightmare especially when he got a new jealous girlfriend.