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Scared I won't make any friends at uni

So basically I start uni in about 5 days and I'm extremely anxious about the fact that I might not find friends or people I can hang around with quickly enough. I have social anxiety and the thought that I might become isolated by it terrifies me more than anything else about going to uni. Over the past couple of months I've been seeing a therapist to try to overcome it and I am getting better even though the progress is slow, but I still have these really negative thoughts that everyone will think I'm weird or different in some way.

I know a lot of people say it's best to try going to a lot of freshers events and join societies and stuff and I definitely will try but these are exactly the kind of situations that have me feeling most anxious, especially when I don't know anyone there.. I just know I'll get really self conscious and worry too much about not having anything to say.

Is there anyone else who's in the same sort of situation as me? Or who's at university now and has any tips for opening up to people and making friends? I feel like if I can actually let people get to know me then they'll see I'm a good person and a friend worth having but I'm just so scared I'll never get to the stage where people see that. :frown: Help?

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You're at uni to study. If you should be doing any talking, it should be about your studies. Friends are not necessary to get through uni.
Reply 2
Original post by shawn_o1
You're at uni to study. If you should be doing any talking, it should be about your studies. Friends are not necessary to get through uni.


Well I'm not going for the sake of making lifelong friends, I'm just scared I'm gonna end up completely isolated which would make being happy there extremely difficult.
Join clubs or societies, your uni should have some club or society that interests you
Please note that the friends you're going to make will most likely be just acquaintances. It's not like in TV shows where everyone makes lifelong friends.

Societies and volunteering are a good place to start.
Reply 5
Original post by SecretDuck
Please note that the friends you're going to make will most likely be just acquaintances. It's not like in TV shows where everyone makes lifelong friends.

Societies and volunteering are a good place to start.


Acquaintances are more than good enough for me to start with, I'm just scared my social anxiety will keep me from talking to anyone or keep me in my room all day. :s-smilie: What would be some good conversation starters for the people in my accommodation?
I started uni two weeks ago, in halls. I don't have social anxieties etc. but I do have depression and general anxieties, so I was pretty nervous and worried I wouldn't make any friends and would be isolated because that's pretty much how I've been the last 9 months being at home (took a gap year, blah blah). Good conversation starters are usually, what course you're doing, where you're from, and once I've asked those initial questions its good enough to start a proper conversation about more small-talk things. It just comes pretty easily once you get past that inital awkwardness of not knowing what to say.

For the record, I made friends with everyone within the first day, and hung out with them for the entirety of freshers (ended yesterday) but I've since become more and more outcast from the friendgroup and am now sat alone in my room whilst everyone else is in someone elses room together, so I can't help you with the long term friendships, but the initial conversation starts etc are good enough I guess..
Original post by Anonymous
Acquaintances are more than good enough for me to start with, I'm just scared my social anxiety will keep me from talking to anyone or keep me in my room all day. :s-smilie: What would be some good conversation starters for the people in my accommodation?

I know this is going to sound really harsh, but if you don't talk to anyone and stay in your room all day you will definitely not make any friends. I'm sure you knew that already. How can people be your friend if they don't know that you exist?
I know it's really difficult but you need to push yourself and get out there talking to people. Once you do, I promise it will be worth it. When you're talking, don't focus on yourself, focus on them. Ask them questions about themselves, and they will do most of the talking. I hope I don't sound patronising, as I had social anxiety in first year too. It stopped me going out, socialising with my hallmates, talking to people. I stayed in my room almost all the time. And you know what? I really regret it. It was the only time in my life I would be a fresher, and I knew I'd blown it. And it was all my fault. I knew I had this horrible anxiety disorder, but I knew it was my fault, as nobody else was going to do the socialising for me, and I should've known it back then. Don't make the same mistake I did!
Reply 8
Original post by Nutella:3
I know this is going to sound really harsh, but if you don't talk to anyone and stay in your room all day you will definitely not make any friends. I'm sure you knew that already. How can people be your friend if they don't know that you exist?
I know it's really difficult but you need to push yourself and get out there talking to people. Once you do, I promise it will be worth it. When you're talking, don't focus on yourself, focus on them. Ask them questions about themselves, and they will do most of the talking. I hope I don't sound patronising, as I had social anxiety in first year too. It stopped me going out, socialising with my hallmates, talking to people. I stayed in my room almost all the time. And you know what? I really regret it. It was the only time in my life I would be a fresher, and I knew I'd blown it. And it was all my fault. I knew I had this horrible anxiety disorder, but I knew it was my fault, as nobody else was going to do the socialising for me, and I should've known it back then. Don't make the same mistake I did!


Don't worry that didn't sound harsh/patronising at all, thanks a lot for sharing your advice. :smile: I know you're right that unless I push myself and start talking to a lot of people I won't be able to make any friends so I'm really gonna do my best to make the effort. I suppose it's just difficult because I'm a bit out of practice socialising since I've been on my own pretty much all summer and I just have this huge fear of making a fool of myself somehow when talking to people.

How are things going for you now? Did you end up overcoming your anxiety a little and make friends?
Reply 9
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
I started uni two weeks ago, in halls. I don't have social anxieties etc. but I do have depression and general anxieties, so I was pretty nervous and worried I wouldn't make any friends and would be isolated because that's pretty much how I've been the last 9 months being at home (took a gap year, blah blah). Good conversation starters are usually, what course you're doing, where you're from, and once I've asked those initial questions its good enough to start a proper conversation about more small-talk things. It just comes pretty easily once you get past that inital awkwardness of not knowing what to say.

For the record, I made friends with everyone within the first day, and hung out with them for the entirety of freshers (ended yesterday) but I've since become more and more outcast from the friendgroup and am now sat alone in my room whilst everyone else is in someone elses room together, so I can't help you with the long term friendships, but the initial conversation starts etc are good enough I guess..


Thanks I'll be sure to use those :smile: hopefully I can have as much success and have people to hang around with at least through freshers. Sorry to hear you're feeling a little outcast now but I guess it's early days yet, plus you already know you can get along with the people you've met so maybe you could just try to keep hanging out with them when the opportunities come up? Might be worth a try at least, best of luck to you.
Original post by Anonymous
Don't worry that didn't sound harsh/patronising at all, thanks a lot for sharing your advice. :smile: I know you're right that unless I push myself and start talking to a lot of people I won't be able to make any friends so I'm really gonna do my best to make the effort. I suppose it's just difficult because I'm a bit out of practice socialising since I've been on my own pretty much all summer and I just have this huge fear of making a fool of myself somehow when talking to people.

How are things going for you now? Did you end up overcoming your anxiety a little and make friends?

Someone said that to me back then, the exact same words, and I remember thinking "but it's not that easy!". How can someone who's extremely quiet and shy suddenly become sociable? But it is possible.
I still get anxious occasionally, especially when around new people, but my anxiety has definitely improved overall. I can go upto people and start a conversation, talk freely with strangers, and not worry so much about what people think. And yes, I have made friends, because I realise how little or even how much I speak will have an effect on someone else, whether I like it or not. And it's just learning how to deal with this that was the hard part.
I recommend a book called Confidence by Dr Rob Yeung or How to be assertive in any situation by Sue Hadfield. Those books helped change my life. :smile:
Original post by Nutella:3
Someone said that to me back then, the exact same words, and I remember thinking "but it's not that easy!". How can someone who's extremely quiet and shy suddenly become sociable? But it is possible.
I still get anxious occasionally, especially when around new people, but my anxiety has definitely improved overall. I can go upto people and start a conversation, talk freely with strangers, and not worry so much about what people think. And yes, I have made friends, because I realise how little or even how much I speak will have an effect on someone else, whether I like it or not. And it's just learning how to deal with this that was the hard part.
I recommend a book called Confidence by Dr Rob Yeung or How to be assertive in any situation by Sue Hadfield. Those books helped change my life. :smile:


Aah that's great, I'm glad things turned out well for you. It's nice to know there's hope for me yet. :biggrin: Hopefully I won't be back on here in a week telling you how much I hate it and want to leave..

I will have a look for those books right away, thanks for suggesting them!
I have social anxiety.
I found a girlfriend and some good mates at uni.
Wouldn't worry.
Reply 13
I would imagine this is a fairly common anxiety. After all, you're leaving everyone you know behind.

By that measure, most people who worry also are worrying for nothing, because most people do make friends. But just to be sure, make sure you talk to lots of people, and try to make an effort to be friendly.

What I'm trying to say is, there are others in the same boat, and they'll probably respond really positively if you pro-actively try to make friends with them.
Original post by hellodave5
I have social anxiety.
I found a girlfriend and some good mates at uni.
Wouldn't worry.


Original post by lerjj
I would imagine this is a fairly common anxiety. After all, you're leaving everyone you know behind.

By that measure, most people who worry also are worrying for nothing, because most people do make friends. But just to be sure, make sure you talk to lots of people, and try to make an effort to be friendly.

What I'm trying to say is, there are others in the same boat, and they'll probably respond really positively if you pro-actively try to make friends with them.


Hmm thanks I hope you guys are right. I'll definitely be making an effort to put myself out there though I might just die from the anxiety.
I wouldn't worry. I'm the most anti-social person ever and even I've managed to find a few people who I am on speaking terms with.

Just be yourself.
If you don't make friends it's not the end of the world. You could always go home every weekend

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I leave tomorrow and I'm well and truly sh*tting myself about it now.. Sucks that I get a cold like 3 days before going as well, seems like I've got freshers flu before I've even started. :sigh:
I know this was 6 years ago lmao, but how was uni?? I have social anxiety as well, i'm going to uni next year but i'm still scared. Did u manage to make some friends?
Original post by Jazzy1000
I know this was 6 years ago lmao, but how was uni?? I have social anxiety as well, i'm going to uni next year but i'm still scared. Did u manage to make some friends?

Messaged you privately. :smile:

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