boyfriend has sex issues, how to help?

Throw him on his back and let your body do the talkin'

Hi all,

I found out a while ago that my boyfriend has issues with sex. He had a bad sexual experience when he was younger which ruined his confidence completely. He is so nervous about doing things wrong that he makes up excuses not to have sex and he never orgasms. We have tried a few times but he became flacid just before we were about to. Only a few times we have actually done the deed. He has had these problems for a long time before I came along.

I am stuck with what to do. I love him and dont want to break up with him but I don't know if I can get rid of his issues.. does anyone have any advice on what I could do to help him? I mentioned seeing a doctor but he wasnt keen on the idea.

I am stuck with what to do. I love him and dont want to break up with him but I don't know if I can get rid of his issues.. does anyone have any advice on what I could do to help him? I mentioned seeing a doctor but he wasnt keen on the idea.

Hi all,

I found out a while ago that my boyfriend has issues with sex. He had a bad sexual experience when he was younger which ruined his confidence completely. He is so nervous about doing things wrong that he makes up excuses not to have sex and he never orgasms. We have tried a few times but he became flacid just before we were about to. Only a few times we have actually done the deed. He has had these problems for a long time before I came along.

I am stuck with what to do. I love him and dont want to break up with him but I don't know if I can get rid of his issues.. does anyone have any advice on what I could do to help him? I mentioned seeing a doctor but he wasnt keen on the idea.

Just break up with him. Why should you weigh yourself down with his issues when you should be enjoying a healthy relationship which includes having regular sex.


You must be a saint because I would've been out of the door in the drop of a hat.




This girl gets it.


If the OP can't get her bf hard then maybe he doesn't find the OP attractive.

I can get him hard, but he cant keep it if we are gonna have sex. He is always hard when im naked. He enjoys things like oral. He told me even before we have ever done anything sexual that he rarely cums.
I dont want to sound arrogant but people have said i am better looking than him so I dont think its attraction. I believe him that it is about his own issues.

On a serious note how long have you been trying at it? With confidence issues it can take a lot of time to build up confidence after an experience knocks it down.

Also have you tried with lights off? Sure, it's not as visually appealing but can help take the pressure off and let him focus on the physical pleasure rather than overthink things.

Failing that, and I'm serious here, get him drunk, like really drunk but not too drunk. Then flirt, grind etc with him somewhere where he can get turned on but not really touch you e.g. nightclub. The combination of the alcohol and flirting will cause a massive surge in testosterone which should get him ready to hump pretty much anything. And that's actually based on science, not bull****.

Sounds about right. I get a lob on when I so much as think about my girlfriend being naked... Have you considered he may be unable to cum often?

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Not that much, about 3 times it didnt happen and about 4 times we managed to for a while, but when we spoke about it he said he has felt like this for years.. which is what worries me tbh. it must be a deep issue to have had it so long. He said he prefers girls being on top because there is less chance of him messing up.

I haven't tried with lights off tbh. I will try the drinking thing.. perhaps he will think less into things if hes a bit tipsy.

He can by himself but not during sexual activity. he told me he always thinks to himself why he isnt cumming as it feels so good. Maybe the pressure and anxiety of feeling like he wont prevents it from happening. What can I do? :/

Still early days. Stick with it, try the things I said and as he relaxes into being around you in the buff, he'll ease into it.

I dont want to sound arrogant but people have said i am better looking than him so I dont think its attraction.

Early for us, but he has been this way a really long time. Thanks for the suggestions. As his issue is overthinking doing things wrong and being paranoid i will think hes not doing good should i be taking full control? I wondered whether puttin porn on in the background might take his mind off his thoughts