Is my friend homophobic?

Two years ago, I met a guy at my new sixth form and we've been friends since then. We were very close friends up until our A Levels finished last June. Ever since then, he's decided to change his personality completely and become one of the worst people I have the misfortune of talking to.

I came out to him (and he was one of the first people I came out to) last September and at that moment in time he said he was okay with it and didn't mind at all. Recently, I decided to start coming out to all my other friends in our group and all of a sudden he's beginning to question my sexuality. He started telling me that being gay is a choice I made because I was bored of girls and now calls it my "switch-over". He said that if I like guys, then technically I should be considered a girl and not a guy. He also constantly tells me to "man-up" and stop acting so feminine (even though all my friends agree that I am not at all effeminate).

I've tried to ignore him as much as possible but he keeps trying to talk to me about these things. I've tried to pass it off as a misunderstanding and move on but today, once again, he decided to make another move.

He messaged me saying that his family was suspecting "my little secret", even though his parents have barely ever met me and we've probably talked for a total of 30 seconds in these last two years. He said that he was watching a film and a gay scene came up and that they suddenly started to ask about me (whether I was gay like in that scene) and apparently called me a faggot and effeminate. I find it hard to believe how they could have known this without actually spending time with me which makes me believe he's the one that told them everything.

He then said that he couldn't say the word "gay" because he said it made him uncomfortable and it's a practice that goes against his religion, and that he'd rather watch a surgery or anything else than two guys kissing or being involved romantically?!

I don't understand why he felt the need to tell me all of this knowing that a) I am gay b) that I'm not in a very good position at the moment? I've literally spent the past 2 hours crying and feeling horrible about myself when he is supposedly my best friend.

I'm honestly so confused and so deeply hurt right now. What do I do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I'm know how you feel. I am in a similar situation - I am not gay but I have a 'friend' who is against homosexuals.

If I am honest with you, I think you should cut him out of your life. He doesn't seem accepting. True friends would accept you regardless of who you are.

Reply 2

iEatMuFFiNS

Maybe he's closeted? :lol:

Reply 3

RadishWadish

He sounds like an absolute bellend. If I were you I wouldn't want to keep him around as a friend, maybe you could give him a chance first and just confront him about it and ask why he constantly feels the need to put you down for no good reason?

I think for him to try so hard to make you feel insecure about something he shouldn't need to care about at all says more about him than you, he's probably either massively insecure himself or maybe he needs to question his own sexuality.. who knows.

Reply 4

_Fergo

He doesn't seem to be your friend if he's acting out this way.

Just leave him and I'm sure you'll be much better off. All you achieve by staying with him -provided he is as awful as you describe him- means that all he cares is making you uncomfortable. Friends don't do this...

Reply 5

ilem

Sounds like a typical poster in the Society forum.

Ditch him.

Reply 6

CaityRaindrop

He sounds horribly uneducated on what homosexuality is. Seriously, thinking you should be considered a girl cause you're gay, is like saying one should be considered optimus prime 'cause they like transformers. He might be one of those big headed guys who think all homosexual males are attracted to him, and that makes him uncomfortable? There was so many guys in my old school who never went out on gay pride 'cause they just assumed everyone would dive on them. Some people needed to get over themselves.

Considering though what his family said, sounds like he was raised to, if not hate homosexuals, be uncomfortable with them and view it as "wrong". I personally would try your best to cut ties civilly. He doesn't seem worth the effort of trying to maintain a friendship if that's how he treats you.

Reply 7

DarkWhite

Original post by Anonymous

He's homophobic.

He's transphobic or at least incredibly ill-informed.

He's sexist.

He's a liar or his parents are homophobic.

He's a drama queen.

Fair enough, but his view of his religion still makes him a bigot.

Because he's a nob.

Honestly, he is not worth your time. He sounds like an utter prick with century-old views and who puts his religion before compassion for friends.

What do you do? I would suggest spending as little time with him as possible if you don't feel you can change his views. I normally say it's best to explain things to people but it sounds like you already have. All I know is that someone who couldn't accept my sexuality would not be considered my 'friend'.

Reply 8

Sparkles278

He's the gay one actually.leave him at once

Reply 9

TallerThanSmall

I'm so sorry, it sounds like he's being an absolute massive jerk right now. :frown:

Yeah, his behaviour has absolutely been rude, unwarranted, and homophobic. After this, I think, you don't owe him a thing, and you should feel free 100% to go your separate ways.