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I feel really lonely at home

During the summer Id go out almost everyday, I was really happy. However my mum really disliked me coming home late (around 10/11pm if I went for dinner and 2am for a party). Our relationship became strained but when I was at home I felt bored out of my mind all I did was sleep. Now Ive just started my last year of sixth form and I go out much much less. Just to school and back home really. I don't think I'm allowed out although it's not something we've talked about. I get invited out occasionally but I always end up declining rather than face the hassle of asking my mum. I'm just so bored and lonely at home. I have younger siblings and although they talk to me they really don't respect me. Everything I do is shared with them by my mum literally everything even private things, I don't know what she says about me when I'm not there but I can see they lack any respect for me. The other day I asked my brother what he'd change about me if he could and he said everything. He then remarked 'the sad thing is I'm only half joking' this really hurt my feelings and I was clearly visibly upset for the remainder of the evening but no one at home asked me if I was okay. No one ever does. I do make an effort with my younger siblings, I searched for hours for the best schools in the area for them, I tutoured them for their 11+ exams even during my exam season (although due to my mum they ended up not taking the test) the current school they go to is amazing and if it wasn't for me they really wouldn't be going there. I really do love my mum but she doesn't see this she just thinks I do things to hurt her, for example me going out.
Yesterday tensions ran high and when I got home two hours late due to extensive traffic and bus diversions my brother was crying due to also being late. He's old enough to travel by himself and it upsets me to see him get upset over the littlest things, he really is babied by my mum and for that reason he cries at the silliest things. I made a remark about him not being able to take his phone to school ( I realise phones aren't alloeed in school but I think it's important we can communicate especial on their journey home) I think this annoyed my mum. I went to sit on my bed seeing as no one was talking/paying attention to me even though I was also extremely late home. A few minutes later my mum came upstairs shouting at me to look under my bed and that it was wet and that 'any one else would automatically notice that underneath the bed was wet' just basically shouting at me. Obviously I got down to clean underneath the bed but then she came back and told me I needed to push the bed to clean it. By this time I was ready done and I knew it wasn't teally wet anymore but I pushed it anyway. The bed made a loud sound and she came back even more irritated shouting at me for making a bang when I picked up the bed. I haD been having a HORRIBLE day and at this point I was really upset so I told her to leave me alone. She then proceeded to hit me with the damp towel (it was quite big and wet so it was relatively heavy) and I just curled up in a ball on the floor. I'm not sure whether she kicked or punched me in the back im leaning towards kicked but I felt something hard in my back and then she slapped me and told me to think twice about who I was speaking too. I know I've done bad things in the past and I'm not the best child but I was so surprised that she hit me, I think the last time she hit me was in year 11 and that was just a slap. She's never hit any of my siblings. To top it off my friend told me I'm a negative person (Whatsapp) around the same time this happened. I asked another friend and he agreed. I know I'm really cynical at times but I can't help it. But yeah today no one in the house is talking to me. I lay in bed all day until around 5pm when I got so bored I went jogging in the park in front of my house. That was just 30 minutes. One of my siblings said hi but that's it. I'm just in my room feeling really lonely, bored (my mum took my laptop) and hopeless. I can't wait to move out next year but it can't happen fast enough. I don't know whether this is related to getting punched/kicked/hit in the back but I feel quite ill as well like my back is aching, I've already had problems with my chest and back recently with the gp showing concern because I'm so young.
to be honest im just ranting right now but yeah I don't know what to do really.
Any suggestions to relieve tensions/rebuild my relationship with my mum

sorry it's so long
(edited 9 years ago)
Really sorry to hear about your home situation :frown:

Siblings can be heartless sometimes (believe me, I have two brothers) but I'm sure they love you, really. You sound like a great sibling towards them, well done for that, keep it up.

The way your mum treated you is horrible and I hope you're feeling better. In terms of rebuilding a relationship with her, you could possibly suggest going out together, just the two of you? If you haven't tried sitting down and talking it out, definitely try that first. Hear what your mum has to say and hopefully she'll be more willing to listen to you.

Try improving yourself too; your friends told you you can sometimes be negative and you realise that you're cynical, so try working on that. Be more positive (easier said than done, I know) and you'll become a more pleasant person to be around.
Original post by Anonymous
Really sorry to hear about your home situation :frown:

Siblings can be heartless sometimes (believe me, I have two brothers) but I'm sure they love you, really. You sound like a great sibling towards them, well done for that, keep it up.

The way your mum treated you is horrible and I hope you're feeling better. In terms of rebuilding a relationship with her, you could possibly suggest going out together, just the two of you? If you haven't tried sitting down and talking it out, definitely try that first. Hear what your mum has to say and hopefully she'll be more willing to listen to you.

Try improving yourself too; your friends told you you can sometimes be negative and you realise that you're cynical, so try working on that. Be more positive (easier said than done, I know) and you'll become a more pleasant person to be around.

Thanks.
When we go out together she doesn't speak to me. I used to tell her everything but now when I start to talk to her she gives me one word replies. I've tried telling her how I feel, like she never gives me praise etc and she told me I was ungrateful and spiteful. She says 'I've done a good job' in a kind of angry assertive way after most things and I don't want her to feel like I think she's a bad parent so I think I'm going to avoid sitting down and telling her how I feel. In the past it's just ended with her shouting and me crying.

i think she said it out of spite because I said stop smoking weed and that itd be hard to balance studies and smoking weed. I wasn't trying to be negative I was honestly just concerned. I feel like I shouldn't voice my opinion on situations because usually when I do that's when I get called negative
Original post by Intellectuallyty
Thanks.
When we go out together she doesn't speak to me. I used to tell her everything but now when I start to talk to her she gives me one word replies. I've tried telling her how I feel, like she never gives me praise etc and she told me I was ungrateful and spiteful. She says 'I've done a good job' in a kind of angry assertive way after most things and I don't want her to feel like I think she's a bad parent so I think I'm going to avoid sitting down and telling her how I feel. In the past it's just ended with her shouting and me crying.

i think she said it out of spite because I said stop smoking weed and that itd be hard to balance studies and smoking weed. I wasn't trying to be negative I was honestly just concerned. I feel like I shouldn't voice my opinion on situations because usually when I do that's when I get called negative


In that case, maybe things will get better when you leave home for uni? I don't mean this in a rude way, perhaps the time apart would be good for your relationship. I know some people whose relationships with their parents improved when they entered into adulthood. That way you're not in each other's business all the time and you have time to breathe and be yourself.

Try not to let what your mum says get to you too much. From what I've read, I feel like she possibly doesn't like you encroaching on her 'territory' of being a parent. Maybe she feels your concern as an attack on her parenting skills? Which isn't fair on you, you are just trying to help and have the interest of your family at heart. Sorry, I don't mean to psychoanalyse you or anything :smile:

Hang in there, friend.
Original post by Anonymous
In that case, maybe things will get better when you leave home for uni? I don't mean this in a rude way, perhaps the time apart would be good for your relationship. I know some people whose relationships with their parents improved when they entered into adulthood. That way you're not in each other's business all the time and you have time to breathe and be yourself.

Try not to let what your mum says get to you too much. From what I've read, I feel like she possibly doesn't like you encroaching on her 'territory' of being a parent. Maybe she feels your concern as an attack on her parenting skills? Which isn't fair on you, you are just trying to help and have the interest of your family at heart. Sorry, I don't mean to psychoanalyse you or anything :smile:

Hang in there, friend.


Hopefully!, i'm counting down the days. When I do go away strangely I really miss her.
It's fine psychoanalyse away i'm really interested in that sort of stuff, I think i'm just going to ride it out, hopefully uni will come soon. Thanks

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