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Is being selfish being immature?

I recently got into an argument with my girlfriend about this. I would say we are both fairly mature. Now I ended up saying something along the lines of: everyone is selfish and she said that people helping others isn't selfish, but then I said that when another person helps another there is always selfishness there like wanting to be helped when they are in need of it or believing the performing such an act puts them in good standing with their religion. The point is, she turned this on me and said that if I was selfish then I was only using her which is an 'immature view on life'.

I've resolved this and apologized for the issue taking her view. But this has led to me questioning whether being selfish is an immature act. Is it? From a young age I have always viewed the belief of people not being selfish as a child view on life - like when you think you are superman. Thoughts?

I'm not sure whether this belongs in the philosophy section or relationship section, but depending on responses here I will ask for it to be moved to the philosophy section.

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Reply 1

Emaemmaemily

It really depends.

Some people may argue that you have to be selfish to succeed in life, in our current society, and so not being selfish is naive (similar to childish).
But then many people think that in this society it takes a higher level of empathy and maturity to know how hard life is and still try to put others first (trying not to be selfish).

Reply 2

KittyRe-play

Being selfish is not a good trait to have. You should be nice which is all that matters, let other selfish people remain selfish.
#LoveOvercomesHatred# :h:

Reply 3

sunnydespair

At the end of the day, if you help someone, you've helped someone. It doesn't matter what the underlying motivation was for helping someone. The action is the most important thing. Helping others is one of the most important things in life. You also have to help yourself. Anything that you do is the most important thing in your life at that moment, absorb the full richness of that moment to experience the full richness of life.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Emaemmaemily

But what is the benefit to doing the later thing? The only thing I can imagine is that good feeling you get afterwards, but aiming to achieve that is also selfish. You chose to perform a good act so you feel good. If you really did it for the sake of doing a nice thing, then your irrational cause you gained nothing. I've found that when people do the previously mentioned thing they always tend to be religious.

I probably just don't get it. I've volunteered for the sake of boosting my CV which has also helped others. I accept I've done a nice act, but I don't try to say that I did it for helping other I did it for a selfish reason which is rational.

Reply 5

Mequa

Self-interest and concern for others aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.

Reply 6

Mankytoes

Original post by Anonymous

What if an atheist gives money to charity anonymously?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mankytoes

What if an atheist gives money to charity anonymously?

Please don't make this a religious matter. It's not about that. I haven't the time to waste.

Reply 8

Ecro

Being selfish can be a good and a bad thing. It really depends on you and what you make out of it.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

It's not about selfishness being good or bad. I just want to know if it is immature. If someone was ridiculous selfish and refused to help anyone there would come a point were he needs and I don't think he's been immature I just think he didn't consider all options at the time.

Just a reminder. Is selfishness immature? not whether it's good or bad.

Reply 10

Mankytoes

Original post by Anonymous

Please don't make this a religious matter. It's not about that. I haven't the time to waste.

You've misunderstood. You've said charity is always selfish because the person is hoping for reciprocation, or to conform to their religion. Neither of these apply to a non-religious person giving money to charity anonymously, therefore that's a selfless act.

Edit- maybe, in this sense, you're a little immature for not thinking things through?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

battycatlady

Well to me life is all about helping other people.

All humans are selfish and I think it's very difficult to give with completely pure motives, but that shouldn't stop you from being selfless. At the end of the day, no matter your motive you'll still be helping someone out, which is all that matters.

I think selflessness is a really important quality to have.

To an extent you need to be selfish to succeed, but then you should use what you gained to be selfless.

Reply 12

battycatlady

Original post by Mankytoes

Yeah but you'd still know you'd done it even if no one else did, so you would still feel a certain degree of happiness/pride that you'd done something good. Nothing can ever be completely selfless, but that's not a bad thing.

Reply 13

Mankytoes

Original post by battycatlady

But that only makes it partly selfish if that was part of your motivation. I have no doubt that many people donate to charity purely because they want to help others- selflessly.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mankytoes

I just realized. Donating to charity anonymously could be seen as a selfish act as the person may want to feel good themselves. A tedious link, but I just don't get why a person would randomly just up and decide to donate to charity. For example, if someone had a relative who died of cancer and donated to charity. It's selfless but also selfish because cancer took away that relative.

But this relate to selfishness being immature?

Reply 15

Mankytoes

Original post by Anonymous

Again, it could be, but it isn't inherently selfish, it could also be selfless.

Loads of reasons, you understand a problem that someone is having, like when there is a natural disaster, and you realise you have resources that could help that you can spare.

Reply 16

miser

I don't think that selfishness is immature. But I do think it is a character flaw.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by miser

I don't think that selfishness is immature. But I do think it is a character flaw.

I agree with this, but my question from this is whether it being a character flaw can mean that it is immature?

Reply 18

username1044970

The idea that people are altruistic for selfish reasons is known as psychological egoism. I think it's a valid idea. A man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills.

Reply 19

miser

Original post by Anonymous

I agree with this, but my question from this is whether it being a character flaw can mean that it is immature?

I don't think so in the usual sense that people understand the concept of immaturity. If we took a more abstract understanding of it, and said that maturity was akin to being wise, then I could see it described as immature - but not in its everyday sense.

If we were talking about pettiness (which is often motivated by selfishness and one's ego), then I'd say that that was immature. But actual selfishness - the want to benefit oneself at the expense of others - is characteristic of many successful types, whom I wouldn't expect to be called immature. It's not a requirement of maturity, in my opinion, to be virtuous; maturity, in my opinion, is concerned with self-control and an understanding of oneself.