The Student Room Group

Not Attracted To Girlfriend

I have a bit of an issue. I have been with my girlfriend for a 3 years or so, however I am not nor have been actually attracted to her. I really love her and she means so much to me, however I just don't to have sex.

She is quite attractive but not stunning and somewhat less attractive than myself. The problem is I have pretty high standards and rarely if ever is there a girl that I am properly attracted to. I find it hard to believe that I will ever find a girl that I am attracted to that gives me what she gives me.

Is there anything I can do?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
If you havent found her attractive in three years the I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

Have you ever been sexually attracted to anyone?
Reply 2
Not attracted in what way OP?
Reply 3
Original post by alow
If you havent found her attractive in three years the I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

Have you ever been sexually attracted to anyone?


Yes I have on many occasions.

If she lost weight I would probably be more attracted to her.

I keep getting told attraction is really important but I don't see why it is.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Yes I have on many occasions.

If she lost weight I would probably be more attracted to her.

I keep getting told attraction is really important but I don't see why it is.


Does she know that you feel this way?
Reply 5
Original post by kka25
Not attracted in what way OP?


Not aroused by her and I don't wanna have sex
Reply 6
Original post by alow
Does she know that you feel this way?


Not really, I don't see what good i would do.
I'm not attracted to my Mother, we've been together 20 years
Reply 8
Let her know how you feel? Keeping this to yourself will only make things worse in the end. Give her the benefit of trust!
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
Not really, I don't see what good i would do.


I think she's the one you need to talk to about this, not a load of random people on the Internet. If you're not meant to be, then ending it now is better than wasting even more of both of your time.
Original post by *Stefan*
Let her know how you feel? Keeping this to yourself will only make things worse in the end. Give her the benefit of trust!


She would be absolutely devastated I just can't see that it would do any good.
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
She would be absolutely devastated I just can't see that it would do any good.


Yeah. Not a really good idea isn't it ...
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
She would be absolutely devastated I just can't see that it would do any good.


But this is a very personal matter. I know that avoiding this may feel 'safe' at the moment, but in the end it may cause a lot more pain to both of you.

And as said above, it's too personal a matter for some strangers to advise properly!
Surely she's figured it out for herself when you're struggling to summon to up a semi and never initiate sex?
Original post by Anonymous
I have a bit of an issue. I have been with my girlfriend for a 3 years or so, however I am not nor have been actually attracted to her. I really love her and she means so much to me, however I just don't to have sex.

She is quite attractive but not stunning and somewhat less attractive than myself. The problem is I have pretty high standards and rarely if ever is there a girl that I am properly attracted to. I find it hard to believe that I will ever find a girl that I am attracted to that gives me what she gives me.

Is there anything I can do?


That's not fair on her and not fair on yourself.
Looks aren't everything but I agree attraction does play a part as do other things. You should be honest and talk to her as she probably already has an idea something isn't right or that your D*** doesn't work.
Original post by Le Nombre
Surely she's figured it out for herself when you're struggling to summon to up a semi and never initiate sex?


It's actually the opposite I can still have sex and maintain an erection especially when I am really horny. The problem is the thought of her just doesn't turn me on.

So if she ever initiates I just can't have sex.
Original post by Anonymous
I have a bit of an issue. I have been with my girlfriend for a 3 years or so, however I am not nor have been actually attracted to her. I really love her and she means so much to me, however I just don't to have sex.

She is quite attractive but not stunning and somewhat less attractive than myself. The problem is I have pretty high standards and rarely if ever is there a girl that I am properly attracted to. I find it hard to believe that I will ever find a girl that I am attracted to that gives me what she gives me.

Is there anything I can do?

Is porn the problem?! That you can't get hard because you are so used to getting off to really exagerratedly hot girls. That's the only thing I can come up with. But wait, obviously you are getting hard because you're having sex?
What do you believe is causing this issue? What would your ideal girl look like? Sorry for the questions just trying to understand the issue more so can help :smile:.
I know others will say it but it's more than a little unfair to string someone along for three years if you're not attracted to them and they believe you are. Maybe you love her but in the way you love a sister or a very deep friend, not in a romantic sense. People often fall for their friends because they confuse sexual and romantic feelings with other forms of platonic love...
Original post by Temporality
Is porn the problem?! That you can't get hard because you are so used to getting off to really exagerratedly hot girls. That's the only thing I can come up with. But wait, obviously you are getting hard because you're having sex?
What do you believe is causing this issue? What would your ideal girl look like? Sorry for the questions just trying to understand the issue more so can help :smile:.
I know others will say it but it's more than a little unfair to string someone along for three years if you're not attracted to them and they believe you are. Maybe you love her but in the way you love a sister or a very deep friend, not in a romantic sense. People often fall for their friends because they confuse sexual and romantic feelings with other forms of platonic love...


I don't really watch porn, only very occasionally.

I like sporty thin girls. I find it very hard to be attracted to fat in any way.

I don't really believe what you wrote about love. I don't see why sexual attraction is a requisite there.
Original post by Temporality
Is porn the problem?! That you can't get hard because you are so used to getting off to really exagerratedly hot girls. That's the only thing I can come up with. But wait, obviously you are getting hard because you're having sex?
What do you believe is causing this issue? What would your ideal girl look like? Sorry for the questions just trying to understand the issue more so can help :smile:.
I know others will say it but it's more than a little unfair to string someone along for three years if you're not attracted to them and they believe you are. Maybe you love her but in the way you love a sister or a very deep friend, not in a romantic sense. People often fall for their friends because they confuse sexual and romantic feelings with other forms of platonic love...

Im so confused whether were platonically in love or its meant to be

oh temporality:colondollar:






lets have sex.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't really watch porn, only very occasionally.

I like sporty thin girls. I find it very hard to be attracted to fat in any way.

I don't really believe what you wrote about love. I don't see why sexual attraction is a requisite there.

When you're in love with someone romantically you should love them sexually, emotionally and intellectually. If you don't have all those three things then theres going to be cracks in the relationship and little worth fighting for when the cracks do start to show e.g. now.
How can you have a bond with someone if you haven't made love to them properly, being sexually attracted to them? Sure, its an emotional thing too but it has to be physical also.

Quick Reply