The Student Room Group

Cheated on gf - punished by instant karma... what to do :S

I've been with my gf for nearly 2 years, but recently I have been on long holidays traveling alone far away. I've never cheated on my gf before, but this time it happend. What I did was wrong, I'm not gonna defend myself but this is how it happened.

I was at a bar with 2 other guy friends and we met a group of nice 3 girls who stayed with us throughout the night chatting. 2 of them soon became closer with my friends, but i had 0 interest in the third one. Anyways it was time to go back to the hotel, then the 3rd girl started crying because she didn't want to be left alone. The two girls changed their minds and thought they'll go back all 3 to their hotel, which of course, was really annoying to my 2 friends.

My friend started telling me I should "take one for the team" and just take the girl to sleep in my room so they can get laid. After considering for a while very drunk I said fine she can come with me, because I know my friend would do the same for me. So the girl came to my room, I tried to just sleep but she started giving me oral and we ended up having sex. The condom broke but I switched to a new one after..

4 days later, I woke up with a weird blister on my penis. Now there is 3 of them: I got ****ing genital herpes! What a great souvenir to bring back home. I'm meeting my girlfriend in just a week. I'm currently on antiviral medication to get rid of the blisters, but I know I'll be stuck with the virus for life.

I don't know what to do.. I can't tell my girlfriend, but I can't not tell her either because she deserves to know that there is a risk of her catching it. I'm wondering what my options are..

1. Tell her the whole truth. - problem is that this would cause us to break up probably, and in the worst possible way. I don't think she would, but she could tell her friends about the disease as a revenge and they coould start spreading rumours.

2. Tell her I got the disease but that I believe I've got it years ago and it's just been asymptomatic. Don't tell her about cheating.. problem is, that herpes still sounds disgusting and it's not a very believable story since I've been away for so long.

3. Not tell her anything, pretend that nothing happened and hope she is one of the 90% who never catch it from their HSV-2 positive partners. Stay on antivirals to even further reduce the risk of transmissioin.. Problem: If she gets the virus it would be an unforgivable thing to do to someone..


Really don't know what to do here :O Condoms aren't an option either because we have never used them during the 2 years with my gf..
(edited 9 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

I reckon whole truth man. If you go with option 2 and she's not a moron she'll realise you got it on holiday, leaving you worse off than option 1. Even if you went with 2 and she believed you, you'd still be a dick for not telling her until now, holiday or no holiday. Option 3 is ****ed up to knowingly gamble with someone's health like that, I bet you'd be furious if she did it to you.

Actually I just thought of something - can booze be an excuse? Can you have been so drunk that you got blown sort of unintentionally?
(edited 9 years ago)
There are legitimate reasons you'd have to not have sex. A mate of mine got chlorine burn on his penis, I have had thrush a couple times (although that's generally a consequence of sex so avoid that)

Basically, say you spent too long in a pool with chlorine on, get yourself sorted for your nasty herpes asap, and wait it out.
Tell her the truth.

Posted from TSR Mobile
You have to tell her the truth and take the consequences.

In your favour - you are not married so really can do what you like - it doesn't excuse your behaviour but……


You are also really lucky that you didn't catch HIV - better get a blood test to check.
Reply 5
Avatar for bluemax
bluemax
16
Tell her the truth. And I've a feeling those 3 girls were probably prostitutes. You better check your wallet, if it got lighter.
You can't put her at risk without her knowledge. She will hate you forever. Tell her.
Reply 7
Avatar for poohat
poohat
18
Original post by Anonymous
I
My friend started telling me I should "take one for the team" and just take the girl to sleep in my room so they can get laid. After considering for a while very drunk I said fine she can come with me, because I know my friend would do the same for me. So the girl came to my room, I tried to just sleep but she started giving me oral and we ended up having sex. The condom broke but I switched to a new one

Interestingly, if you reverse the genders then people would be telling you that you were raped, and should go to the police

Also are you absolutely sure it's Herpes and not just a yeast infection or something? Go to a STD clinic and get properly tested before you do anything rash like telling your partner. (Obviously you are going to need some excuse to avoid sexual contact while you wait for the results)

Herpes can still be transmitted despite wearing a condom by the way
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 8
Avatar for miser
miser
20
It's a serious test of character, but you know the right answer to this is to tell her the truth.
Original post by poohat
Interestingly, if you reverse the genders then people would be telling you that you were raped, and should go to the police

Also are you absolutely sure it's Herpes? Go to a STD clinic and get tested before you do anything rash like telling your partner.

Herpes can still be transmitted despite wearing a condom by the way


Yeah what's going through my greed is that it kinda is rape add she "took advantage of you while you were drunk"

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 10
Avatar for Andy98
Andy98
20
Tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth

Posted from TSR Mobile
The truth
... and that, Your Honour, is exactly how it happened, said the barrister for the defence.

Tell her the whole truth, and take whatever the consequences are like a man.
Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

Actually I just thought of something - can booze be an excuse? Can you have been so drunk that you got blown sort of unintentionally?


Worth a try, I think most girls would be understanding about being cheated on in this situation...
Original post by Crumpet1
... and that, Your Honour, is exactly how it happened, said the barrister for the defence.

Tell her the whole truth, and take whatever the consequences are like a man.

:biggrin: I love your style haha

yeh may as well tell the truth..its either meant to be or not..
Tell the truth, you did a ****ty thing and should face the consequences. A relationship is built on trust, if you lie about something as bad as this, she WILL find out and she will hate you and never forgive you! There's always chance of forgiveness with the truth. I forgave one of my ex-boyfriends for cheating (and I found out from a girl screaming down the phone at me!), course he did it again, so he went! But honestly, cheating is the worst betrayal of trust possible in a relationship and as far as I see it - once a cheat, always a cheat!
Tell her the truth.. you cannot have sex with her knowing that you could give her herpes (without her informed consent) regardless of what the consequences might be! She might break up with you but so be it, you have to tell her (if not about the cheating, at least about the fact you have herpes).
(edited 9 years ago)
Better for her to break up with you because you told her the truth from the beginning as opposed to her finding out later along the line (which can happen and really not worth the risk of that consequence)
Your girlfriend is still at risk of catching the virus even with use of protection. I would recommend you go to the sexual health clinic for advice if you haven't already and you should refrain from sleeping with your girlfriend unless you have told her the situation.

Here is where I found the info:
If you have herpes, you should tell your sex partner(s) and let him or her know that you do and the risk involved. Using condoms may help lower this risk but it will not get rid of the risk completely. Having sores or other symptoms of herpes can increase your risk of spreading the disease. Even if you do not have any symptoms, you can still infect your sex partners.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm
Tell her what you did.


Posted from TSR Mobile

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you