2nd year student living with freshers.
Hey,
Here is abit of my background. I am 21 years old. I studied at Bham University before. Due to personal and family issues, I didn't get the grade I felt I could, thus not being able to graduate. BUT, I didn't just give up then. I certainly want to gain a degree and therefore, got a place at Newcastle Uni (starting at second year though). I managed to get accommodation in halls at the very last minute.
Now, its been 2 days living with my new flatmates. I have told some of them about my age and which year I will be going into (didn't tell about personal concerns ofc). ANND 1 or 2 of my flatmates had a slightly negative response. They didn't comment but I could sense the vibe. Having gone through this, I decided not to tell other people within my block.
I am worried of perhaps being discriminated. I feel like I have nothing to say if they do say something about how I am 'different' compared to them. Would love to get any advice regarding my situation. Any help would be highly appreciated.
Here is abit of my background. I am 21 years old. I studied at Bham University before. Due to personal and family issues, I didn't get the grade I felt I could, thus not being able to graduate. BUT, I didn't just give up then. I certainly want to gain a degree and therefore, got a place at Newcastle Uni (starting at second year though). I managed to get accommodation in halls at the very last minute.
Now, its been 2 days living with my new flatmates. I have told some of them about my age and which year I will be going into (didn't tell about personal concerns ofc). ANND 1 or 2 of my flatmates had a slightly negative response. They didn't comment but I could sense the vibe. Having gone through this, I decided not to tell other people within my block.
I am worried of perhaps being discriminated. I feel like I have nothing to say if they do say something about how I am 'different' compared to them. Would love to get any advice regarding my situation. Any help would be highly appreciated.
Are you sure they reacted negatively? Maybe you feel different and you were projecting. I don't know why they would care.
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Why should they care if you're a second year? I have foundation year students living next door and they always come over. We don't judge them for their year.
Well I am not sure on what their opinion is as they haven't said anything. But as a flat, it doesn't feel like we are bonding 'well'. Like yes I have recently gone on nights out with them and other people in the block. However, we tend to just split out, hanging with other people in other flats (My thoughts: they are just trying to get know as many people as possible??) I feel like being a mature (I would assume myself to be?) student would make everyone feel.... like that I don't belong.
@ JulietheCat: I sort of felt I was judged on BOTH my age and year.
@ JulietheCat: I sort of felt I was judged on BOTH my age and year.
You're the one making a big deal of your age and year. If you make yourself stick out by going on about it or acting like it matters, then your flatmates might well end up thinking you're a bit odd and avoiding you. That's not "discrimination" that's just "not getting on with you". Don't immediately jump to blame others for something which probably isn't happening, and if it eventually does, will be your fault not theirs. I wouldn't sweat it - it will eventually become apparent that you can make yourself useful because you're an old hand at uni life and you know the ropes.
Don't get hung up on your perceptions of what your flatmates think. Stop talking/thinking about your past - the only person in your flat who thinks it's significant, is you. Just get stuck into what you're doing now. You're overthinking it and your flatmates probably haven't considered it any further. If you end up not getting along together (and plenty of people the same age don't) then just join a couple of socs and make friends outside your flat/block. You've been thrown into a bunch of total strangers, so it's statistically likely that you won't end up on matey terms with all of them. And it wouldn't be unusual to not get on with the majority, from what I've seen. It's not an earth-moving disaster.
Don't get hung up on your perceptions of what your flatmates think. Stop talking/thinking about your past - the only person in your flat who thinks it's significant, is you. Just get stuck into what you're doing now. You're overthinking it and your flatmates probably haven't considered it any further. If you end up not getting along together (and plenty of people the same age don't) then just join a couple of socs and make friends outside your flat/block. You've been thrown into a bunch of total strangers, so it's statistically likely that you won't end up on matey terms with all of them. And it wouldn't be unusual to not get on with the majority, from what I've seen. It's not an earth-moving disaster.
(edited 9 years ago)
I started uni at 21. I didn't perceive it too much of an issue as at 18, I didn't feel ready for university. However, I met up with other mature students who also didn't perceive their age to be an issue. They weren't living with me either so I joined a society for people who were older.
Don;t make your age such a problem. Otherwise people will think it is a problem. It just means that you're older and (hopefully) wiser and will take university more serious.
Also going out to clubs is overrated..
Don;t make your age such a problem. Otherwise people will think it is a problem. It just means that you're older and (hopefully) wiser and will take university more serious.
Also going out to clubs is overrated..
Stop thinking about it. In my halls there was a third year and he is still well into our group of friends. We had a 5th year as well who we talked to - she didn't come out with is though. We also have another few second years in our group.
We don't care and it's only if you make an issue or sense things that it might be.
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We don't care and it's only if you make an issue or sense things that it might be.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Klix88
You're the one making a big deal of your age and year. If you make yourself stick out by going on about it or acting like it matters, then your flatmates might well end up thinking you're a bit odd and avoiding you. That's not "discrimination" that's just "not getting on with you". Don't immediately jump to blame others for something which probably isn't happening, and if it eventually does, will be your fault not theirs. I wouldn't sweat it - it will eventually become apparent that you can make yourself useful because you're an old hand at uni life and you know the ropes.
Don't get hung up on your perceptions of what your flatmates think. Stop talking/thinking about your past - the only person in your flat who thinks it's significant, is you. Just get stuck into what you're doing now. You're overthinking it and your flatmates probably haven't considered it any further. If you end up not getting along together (and plenty of people the same age don't) then just join a couple of socs and make friends outside your flat/block. You've been thrown into a bunch of total strangers, so it's statistically likely that you won't end up on matey terms with all of them. And it wouldn't be unusual to not get on with the majority, from what I've seen. It's not an earth-moving disaster.
Don't get hung up on your perceptions of what your flatmates think. Stop talking/thinking about your past - the only person in your flat who thinks it's significant, is you. Just get stuck into what you're doing now. You're overthinking it and your flatmates probably haven't considered it any further. If you end up not getting along together (and plenty of people the same age don't) then just join a couple of socs and make friends outside your flat/block. You've been thrown into a bunch of total strangers, so it's statistically likely that you won't end up on matey terms with all of them. And it wouldn't be unusual to not get on with the majority, from what I've seen. It's not an earth-moving disaster.
I agree with this. You think it's a big deal OP, which is affecting the way you are with your housemates. Relax and just try to enjoy yourself.
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Yeah they probably don't care, as long as you don't make a huge deal of it. University is a lot less clique-y than school, everyone tends to be more accepting.
OP, it sounds like you have made it a bigger deal than it needs to be.
I was a final year living in halls at 23/24 after having had to interrupt my studies for personal reasons. It was never a big deal (and I didn't treat it as if it were) and I got on brilliantly with my floor and had probably my best halls experience out of all my time at uni. They're still some of my best friends now, and that was a few years ago.
It's not a big deal and if you think of it as being one, others will pick up on that and either start to think it is, or - as others have said - might think you're acting odd.
Also it's perfectly normal to split into other groups during nights out/fresher's - I always did in my first year (tbh whilst I got on with my flat in first year, we were a bunch of people randomly put together and I met other people in other flats who became my best friends). I think you're over thinking all of this.
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I was a final year living in halls at 23/24 after having had to interrupt my studies for personal reasons. It was never a big deal (and I didn't treat it as if it were) and I got on brilliantly with my floor and had probably my best halls experience out of all my time at uni. They're still some of my best friends now, and that was a few years ago.
It's not a big deal and if you think of it as being one, others will pick up on that and either start to think it is, or - as others have said - might think you're acting odd.
Also it's perfectly normal to split into other groups during nights out/fresher's - I always did in my first year (tbh whilst I got on with my flat in first year, we were a bunch of people randomly put together and I met other people in other flats who became my best friends). I think you're over thinking all of this.
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I'm 20 and I thought that I might feel a little like that to start with.
But it's turned out fine - there was actually a lot of laughter when I told someone my age and they refused to believe me. I had to get my ID!
I think it's just because I'm choosing not to see myself as any different to these people. Yeah, I've had a tiny bit more life than them, but really that's about it.
EDIT: Also, yeah, completely normal to split off into other groups. I like my flat mates a lot (so far!), but the people upstairs are awesome too
But it's turned out fine - there was actually a lot of laughter when I told someone my age and they refused to believe me. I had to get my ID!
I think it's just because I'm choosing not to see myself as any different to these people. Yeah, I've had a tiny bit more life than them, but really that's about it.
EDIT: Also, yeah, completely normal to split off into other groups. I like my flat mates a lot (so far!), but the people upstairs are awesome too
(edited 9 years ago)
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