need help for with my igcse english essays for paper 3

Hello everyone! I really need help with my english narrative esays, so could someone plz review the essay i wrote..
the question is: Write a story entitled ‘The Storm’
this is my essay its 439 words exactly. It would be wonderful if someone colud tell me if this is an A* essay and what improvements i could make

I was alone in a cruel world that left me empty. Storms raged inside of me and never left me in peace for I was cursed and at the same time blessed. Or at least that was what the people in sweeping, pristine white coats told me. Maybe they were right. Because after the truth I so relentlessly sought lifted me into a storm and left me stranded what was I to turn to? I sighed at the ceiling wishing with every fibre of my being that I could forget that this day had ever come to pass…
The morning had been like any other with the shy caress of the cordial sun waking me from my slumber. The familiar warmth of the orphanage had wrapped around me like a welcoming friend. One thing had changed though for once I hadn’t had the question of my past hanging over me as usual; I had felt liberated. In retrospect I should have probably suspected something at that point.
It was in human’s nature to seek knowledge and I was but a slave to this. The knowledge that I thirsted was the entirety of my past that my mind kept hidden from me in a storm of white and searing pain. The doctors had told me that I had suffered a trauma and my mind had activated an automatic self-defence thus blocking the entirety of my past. That information had only made me hate myself more.
I had shaken myself outside my reverie and walked along the winding path that led to the mess hall. Suddenly a cacophony of raised voices had grazed me and then I was falling. A fierce storm inside of me had been awakened and I had been completely at its mercy. The doors to my memories had been unlocked and the lock to close it had been lost. The storm shook me until I had sunk to my knees and let the merciless torrent of water unleash from my eyes.
That was what led to this moment; me staring at the ceiling wishing that I could redo my life again. I covered my eyes as the memories once again attacked my mind. My mother had always thought me a nuisance but that had escalated when my father had started caring for me more. In a fit of jealousy, one day my mother had killed my father. His blood had splattered on my long raven hair even as I had run into the rain and never looked back. The storm of memories had left me stranded. I was alone in a cruel world that left me empty.

Reply 1

turn-to-page394

I dunno as I'm not doing paper 3 but I had to do coursework for igcse eng lang and my title was also 'The storm'. :biggrin:

My tip would be to check against the assessment criteria and also make sure that your grammar is ok.

I'm not much help but couldn't resist replying - love your username :smile:

need help for with my igcse english essays for paper 3

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