I arrived at uni yesterday morning and had a good day meeting some girls on my flat (I'm in a flat with 20 people). I'm really shy so the fact that I came out my bedroom, knocked on a door and then met people is a huge achievement and everything was going better than I could have ever imagined. However, once the alcohol starting coming out I started feeling very overwhelmed. People from other flats were joining us in our kitchen and it was busy and I just felt very out of place as conversations would start up in little groups and I just kind of sat on the sidelines.
There are some really huge personalities (quite a lot of Gap Yah students) and I can tell that they find me boring as I'm shy, they ignore me and everyone on my corridor is one of these confident people.
Today I went for lunch with a small group of people from my flat and I find it difficult to relate to them and therefore can't contribute much to the conversation. I just laugh or make comments like 'oh haha', 'yeah', 'oh cool', etc. I must come across so boring but as someone who is from a sheltered and poor background it's hard to relate to tales of gap years, holidays abroad, etc.
Tonight everyone is going clubbing but I decided to go home for the night as I felt very depressed earlier. I know everyone will say I should have stuck it out but I've had depression before from a similar situation (feeling lonely at college despite being able to return to the comfort of my family home every evening) and I don't want to slip into that again as it's terrifying.
I've never been clubbing and it's not me. I'm not opposed to drinking alcohol (and did do shots of vodka last night) but I just hate the whole lifestyle revolved around it, it all seems quite sleazy and dirty to me as I've only become exposed to alcohol since turning 18 as none of my family drink at all). Most conversations revolve around how fun clubbing/predrinks will be and I just feel secluded because I can't relate as I don't find it fun. Standing in a kitchen with loud dubstep playing whilst there are awkward silences and small talk is just not fun.
Does anyone have a fresh perspective for me as I'm feeling very low right now. I technically don't need to go back to uni tomorrow as there's not any events on until Wednesday so I'm tempted to stay home until then but I feel that every second away from flatmates they'll get more distant from me.
Some may say just go to uni but don't go clubbing but the whole flat has been talking rudely about a girl in our flat who doesn't drink and therefore goes in her room in the evenings. I've also overheard a guy talking rudely about me for going to uni so close to home (15 miles) saying "what's the point of her even coming here"...