Can't have a real conversation

Hey guys,
I find it hard to talk to people. Not just approaching them, but having the conversation flow. I didn't use to be like this and I don't really know why I changed so I don't know how to fix this. Because of this, I've had trouble making friends, let alone girlfriends. I'm 19 now so going to uni, and I want to change.

I've tried practising (sort of) by going on omegle and trying to talk to people but it feels like everyone there are only guys interested in females or just bots that spam

Anyway before I ramble on... How do you talk to people? Hold a conversation? Keep it interesting?

Reply 1

SnoochToTheBooch

Hmmm, I remember being the same way at your age actually. It might be because you're in a transition phase between the ridiculous 'inbetweeners' sort of **** that teenagers converse about and the stuff that grown adults talk about. I don't really have this problem anymore but that might be because I've got 7 years on you, where I've learned a bunch of interesting stuff, experienced more etc. Also it's bad to approach a conversation with the pressure of thinking you've got to be interesting. Pressure makes it hard to think clearly. It helps to actually listen to what the other person has to say rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. Practice definitely helps too, just like anything else.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

Even when I do listen to the other person, I'm often just saying something like 'cool' and no reply that I can say comes to mind, creating an awkward silence...

bump...
help me

Original post by Anonymous

Even when I do listen to the other person, I'm often just saying something like 'cool' and no reply that I can say comes to mind, creating an awkward silence...

Some people just want to be listened to. Try to ask questions which have long answers - 'what made you choose that course?', 'what do you want to do in the future?', 'tell me a bit about yourself?'

Reply 5

cole-slaw

ask a question or express an opinion. IF you can't think of anything else, say "do you want another beer/"

Reply 6

cole-slaw

Original post by NebulousBlue

Some people just want to be listened to. Try to ask questions which have long answers - 'what made you choose that course?', 'what do you want to do in the future?', 'tell me a bit about yourself?'

what are you, a quiz show host?

Reply 7

NebulousBlue

Original post by cole-slaw

what are you, a quiz show host?

'What's your name and where have you come from?', 'what would you do with the money?', 'let's look at what you could've won'.

They're all winners.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by cole-slaw

ask a question or express an opinion. IF you can't think of anything else, say "do you want another beer/"

lol both your posts made me laugh

Original post by AlphaNick

experience

this time 2 years ago i was a wreck now im more happy than ive ever been in this 'field', just never turn down a social opportunity for a good few months and make friends and it comes naturally

but what if I end up being labeled as the 'quiet kid' at all the parties the the impression sticks for the entire three years? I won't get more social opportunities then. (From experience - this happened to me too many times)

Reply 9

Maid Marian

I'm the same. H5. :five:

Try asking people questions about themselves, sometimes that works.

Reply 10

Petyr24

I could've have written this post myself. I'm the same, but I'm already at university. I've struggled to interact with flatmates/course mates. Even when me and the flatmates went on a night out, I barely said a word, and I could tell they think I'm boring. As for omegle thing, I've tried that too. And, oddly enough, I've have found that I'm more outgoing, more witty and interesting. Even made a few friends, got a girls number on there etc. I don't know why I'm much better at communicating online, but yeah. Anyway, I know this isn't really helpful post, but I'm letting you know you're not alone.

Reply 11

517340

Original post by NebulousBlue

'What's your name and where have you come from?', 'what would you do with the money?', 'let's look at what you could've won'.

They're all winners.

I quite like "Who are you and how did you get in my room"

Reply 12

NebulousBlue

Original post by Ruthless Dutchman

I quite like "Who are you and how did you get in my room"

Like my dad used to say "how did you get out of the attic?". Ahh, good times.

Reply 13

517340

I find myself usually starting conversations with some terrible joke/pun or something witty about whatever's happening around us, but opening is the easy bit.

People love to talk about themselves, it helps to show some interest if they're talking about things they like, especially if they're also things you like. If there's something creative that you like then it's a great chance to discuss ideas, if it's something like comics like Marvel/DC then discussing favourite characters/story arcs etc could be an idea. Music is also a good topic :smile:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Thanks guys. I guess in the end it boils down to my (self-diagnosed) social anxiety. I get nervous when I'm talking to people quite often and only think of things I could have said after... Anyway, I guess I'll just hope it all works out :tongue:

Reply 15

cole-slaw

Original post by Anonymous

Why don't you self-diagnose yourself without social anxiety again?

We appear to have an entire generation raised to think that its not normal to feel nervous about social situations and they must have social anxiety.

newsflash: everyone finds social situations uncomfortable, but they realise its an important part of growing up, so suck it up, grow some balls and do it anyway.

Imagine if everyone self diagnosed themselves with work anxiety, because sometimes find doing uni work dull and occasionally get bored. So they all just gave up and resigned themselves to life on the dull.

People of tsr: you do not have social anxiety. Pull yourselves together ffs.

Reply 16

Zechs

I can be quite silent depending on who I am talking to I guess it was just in my character, I used to be quite an introvert still kind of am but when it comes to social situations these days I AM quite an extrovert I enjoy making jokes, for me humour is a way of coming out of my shell it helps create a conversation flow.

Also though I have found sometimes when I speak I am not actually taking in what the other person is saying which comes off quite rude, I think I noticed this from a female friend although she never told me from her facial expression I could guess something was wrong. So I actually changed a bit lately and when I talk to women especially I actually look in their eyes on and off and just listen and take it in and you know what? The women love it, because not many guys actually do that and just respond to what they are saying.

Sometimes in the past although I do it less often I would just start conversations to improve my confidence so you just have to get yourself out there and practice.