Struggling with the drinking atmosphere at uni
I'm on my 2nd day of uni and i love everything, making friends easy, but soon as night comes around I hate it. I hardly ever drank alcohol before uni and this was so obvious to all my flat mates. I participated in all the drinking games, however I just embarrassed myself more because I didn't know the rules and everyone was expected to know them. I got nominated to down my cup of mixed cider/vodka etc and I completely botched it. Second night of freshers I tried going to the pub crawl but bailed after 2 pubs because no one was including me in their conversations. There is this one guy in our flat that is quite experienced and has been to a lot of freshers events and is always making casual malicious digs and remarks about me being inexperienced with drinking, everyone seems to join in since it seems to be banter and he is the popular one.
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
(edited 9 years ago)
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Original post by linedb
I'm on my 2nd day of uni and i love everything, making friends easy, but soon as night comes around I hate it. I hardly ever drank alcohol before uni and this was so obvious to all my flat mates. I participated in all the drinking games, however I just embarrassed myself more because I didn't know the rules and everyone was expected to know them, doesn't help that I go red as a tomato after 2 cans of cider. I got nominated to down my cup of mixed cider/vodka etc and I completely botched it. Second night of freshers I tried going to the pub crawl but bailed after 2 pubs because no one was including me in their conversations. There is this one guy in our flat that is quite experienced and has been to a lot of freshers events and is always making casual malicious digs and remarks about me being inexperienced with drinking, everyone seems to join in since it seems to be banter and he is the popular one.
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
I was in a very similar situation, my first day at uni wasn't the best (on hindsight it was the worst so far tbh) because I felt like I couldn't integrate with all these bingers >.>
But things do get better with time, I've met so many other people who don't drink via my course and societies, and so we form this really tight group where we do activities together like movie and game nights, and it's really amazing ^_^ you don't need alcohol to have a good time.
My advice would be to let people know that you're not such a big fan of drinking, that way you'll attract other non-drinkers! well, that was the case in my situation.
Good luck
Freshers is pretty much drinking central but it isn't really representative of university as a whole. 
Once the initial madness dies down you'll find people are much more open to activities that don't involve drinking.
Once the initial madness dies down you'll find people are much more open to activities that don't involve drinking.Original post by noobynoo
Despite appearances not everyone at Uni drinks. Although you would get that impression if you only hang out at pubs!
Hopefully, thanks for the reply.
Original post by R Dragon
I was in a very similar situation, my first day at uni wasn't the best (on hindsight it was the worst so far tbh) because I felt like I couldn't integrate with all these bingers >.>
But things do get better with time, I've met so many other people who don't drink via my course and societies, and so we form this really tight group where we do activities together like movie and game nights, and it's really amazing ^_^ you don't need alcohol to have a good time.
My advice would be to let people know that you're not such a big fan of drinking, that way you'll attract other non-drinkers! well, that was the case in my situation.
Good luck
But things do get better with time, I've met so many other people who don't drink via my course and societies, and so we form this really tight group where we do activities together like movie and game nights, and it's really amazing ^_^ you don't need alcohol to have a good time.
My advice would be to let people know that you're not such a big fan of drinking, that way you'll attract other non-drinkers! well, that was the case in my situation.
Good luck
I suppose so. I've attempted to attend every drinking event, but I think I can't do it anymore, but i also don't want to be stuck in my room while everyone is out and I don't know how to say no when everyone pressures you to go.
Original post by linedb
Hopefully, thanks for the reply.
I suppose so. I've attempted to attend every drinking event, but I think I can't do it anymore, but i also don't want to be stuck in my room while everyone is out and I don't know how to say no when everyone pressures you to go.
I suppose so. I've attempted to attend every drinking event, but I think I can't do it anymore, but i also don't want to be stuck in my room while everyone is out and I don't know how to say no when everyone pressures you to go.
Dude, don't go to any drinking event if you're gonna feel uncomfortable O_O Just go find something else, another society, or another group of friends. This is freshers, there are undoubtedly going to be people in similar shoes...
No need to feel bad, just keep your eyes out and introduce yourself to other non-drinkers.
Look on your student association's website to see if there are any non-drinking societies, or societies like anime or video gaming societies (if that's your thing) because I doubt they'll have many drinkers :P
If this progresses, just e-mail your student association. They're here to make sure you have a good time, so they'll introduce you to like-minded people :P
Good luck
Original post by linedb
I'm on my 2nd day of uni and i love everything, making friends easy, but soon as night comes around I hate it. I hardly ever drank alcohol before uni and this was so obvious to all my flat mates. I participated in all the drinking games, however I just embarrassed myself more because I didn't know the rules and everyone was expected to know them, doesn't help that I go red as a tomato after 2 cans of cider. I got nominated to down my cup of mixed cider/vodka etc and I completely botched it. Second night of freshers I tried going to the pub crawl but bailed after 2 pubs because no one was including me in their conversations. There is this one guy in our flat that is quite experienced and has been to a lot of freshers events and is always making casual malicious digs and remarks about me being inexperienced with drinking, everyone seems to join in since it seems to be banter and he is the popular one.
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
Firstly, this is why its important to start drinking around 14 or 15 so you've got a bit of experience by the time you get to uni.
Secondly, don't worry about being inexperienced. Just make a joke of it. Call yourself a lightweight and laugh about it. Its only an issue if you make it an issue.
If one particular guy is being a dick, then calmly but firmly call him out on it in front of everyone. He will no doubt publicly apologise to risk losing face.
Going home because no-one is "including you in their conversations" is lame. Start your own conversations.
You were not "expected to know the rules". If you don't know the rules, just say so. You're 18, not 8. Take some responsibility.
You need to be an adult here and learn to handle yourself in a mature manner. Do not run away and cry in your room when someone is mean to you or because of some imaginary slight, stand up for yourself like a man.
It will settle down, don't worry. Although there will always be nights out it does calm down once coursework and stuff kicks in. If you enjoy drinking but feel awkward, continue to go out and have a good time and dont worry what people say. If you aren't too happy going out then how about joining a club or society? the boxing club at my university for example trained a lot and also did a load of 'sober' socials.
the boxing club at my university for example trained a lot and also did a load of 'sober' socials.
Sorry to hear that. Mostly people I've met have been really chilled about not drinking. Does your hall put on social events in the evenings? Your more likely to meet like minded people there.
Original post by cole-slaw
Firstly, this is why its important to start drinking around 14 or 15 so you've got a bit of experience by the time you get to uni.
Secondly, don't worry about being inexperienced. Just make a joke of it. Call yourself a lightweight and laugh about it. Its only an issue if you make it an issue.
If one particular guy is being a dick, then calmly but firmly call him out on it in front of everyone. He will no doubt publicly apologise to risk losing face.
Going home because no-one is "including you in their conversations" is lame. Start your own conversations.
You were not "expected to know the rules". If you don't know the rules, just say so. You're 18, not 8. Take some responsibility.
You need to be an adult here and learn to handle yourself in a mature manner. Do not run away and cry in your room when someone is mean to you or because of some imaginary slight, stand up for yourself like a man.
Secondly, don't worry about being inexperienced. Just make a joke of it. Call yourself a lightweight and laugh about it. Its only an issue if you make it an issue.
If one particular guy is being a dick, then calmly but firmly call him out on it in front of everyone. He will no doubt publicly apologise to risk losing face.
Going home because no-one is "including you in their conversations" is lame. Start your own conversations.
You were not "expected to know the rules". If you don't know the rules, just say so. You're 18, not 8. Take some responsibility.
You need to be an adult here and learn to handle yourself in a mature manner. Do not run away and cry in your room when someone is mean to you or because of some imaginary slight, stand up for yourself like a man.
Good advice, needed it. I'll admit, I was being a bit of a baby in regards to everything. In hind-sight, drinking isn't really my thing however.
Original post by linedb
Good advice, needed it. I'll admit, I was being a bit of a baby in regards to everything. In hind-sight, drinking isn't really my thing however.
You sound like me, I enjoy going out for a few beers with friends but I hate playing stupid drinking games or being forced to drink faster than I want to.
But you have to understand that you're all adults and if you don't want to play the game or neck your pint, just say that, they can't make you.
I've found that if you say it firmly but with a smile on your face, people say "fair enough". and move on. They will probably gain respect for you for having your own opinion and standing by it.
Original post by linedb
I'm on my 2nd day of uni and i love everything, making friends easy, but soon as night comes around I hate it. I hardly ever drank alcohol before uni and this was so obvious to all my flat mates. I participated in all the drinking games, however I just embarrassed myself more because I didn't know the rules and everyone was expected to know them, doesn't help that I go red as a tomato after 2 cans of cider. I got nominated to down my cup of mixed cider/vodka etc and I completely botched it. Second night of freshers I tried going to the pub crawl but bailed after 2 pubs because no one was including me in their conversations. There is this one guy in our flat that is quite experienced and has been to a lot of freshers events and is always making casual malicious digs and remarks about me being inexperienced with drinking, everyone seems to join in since it seems to be banter and he is the popular one.
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
Ok, remember, this only your (now) third day. Try not to make a big judgement or get too worried already.
For a start, people drink a lot in the first week or so. It generally calms down a little after that.
Secondly, if you're not involved in a conversation, start talking.
The chances are people don't care that you don't know the rules to X or Y drinking game, you're probably just worried and feeling down and it's making you feel like you're being judged.
Regarding the way the guy is making fun of you... it is kind of a social interaction that lots of people engage in nowadays. People egg others on to drink too much and get really drunk as they find it funny... basically, people who want to drink often refuse initially and EXPECT people to persuade them. This obviously doesn't make it at all right or acceptable but I think it's important to think of the context, and remember that that guy probably just thinks it's normal, and since he enjoys drinking lots he probably doesn't fully understand that others don't enjoy it.
What I'd personally do in that situation is simply say no, no thanks etc and don't drink more than you want to. He will eventually give up and get bored, and as he gets to know you if you still hang out with him he will pick up the cues and realise that actually, you don't want to drink, so stop bothering you about it.
Remember, you have only just started and have plenty of time to chat to people, make friends and develop good relationships. Don't let your concern about not drinking as much make you feel too nervous to join in - take the plunge and just talk to people and you'll find your confidence increases and with it you realise more that people don't actually care whether you drink! Maybe try, when you feel anxious in the evening, remember a conversation you had in the day to remind you of the bonds you're forming - could help you feel better and gain confidence. Also try bringing up a completely new topic if you feel a bit left out of the conversation. There is plenty to ask about as everyone is getting to know each other.
xxx
my flatmates can sometimes be pissheads too which is a bit annoying, given I don't drink at all.
Original post by cole-slaw
Firstly, this is why its important to start drinking around 14 or 15 so you've got a bit of experience by the time you get to uni.
Secondly, don't worry about being inexperienced. Just make a joke of it. Call yourself a lightweight and laugh about it. Its only an issue if you make it an issue.
If one particular guy is being a dick, then calmly but firmly call him out on it in front of everyone. He will no doubt publicly apologise to risk losing face.
Going home because no-one is "including you in their conversations" is lame. Start your own conversations.
You were not "expected to know the rules". If you don't know the rules, just say so. You're 18, not 8. Take some responsibility.
You need to be an adult here and learn to handle yourself in a mature manner. Do not run away and cry in your room when someone is mean to you or because of some imaginary slight, stand up for yourself like a man.
Secondly, don't worry about being inexperienced. Just make a joke of it. Call yourself a lightweight and laugh about it. Its only an issue if you make it an issue.
If one particular guy is being a dick, then calmly but firmly call him out on it in front of everyone. He will no doubt publicly apologise to risk losing face.
Going home because no-one is "including you in their conversations" is lame. Start your own conversations.
You were not "expected to know the rules". If you don't know the rules, just say so. You're 18, not 8. Take some responsibility.
You need to be an adult here and learn to handle yourself in a mature manner. Do not run away and cry in your room when someone is mean to you or because of some imaginary slight, stand up for yourself like a man.
Best post so far on this thread
Seriously? The previous poster saying that you have to drink at 14-15 to gain experience? Sorry, but that is NOT the way to do it! I will be hypocritical here, because I had a few drinks here and there from the ages of 16 to 19. So I have partied the night away, I have got absolutely hammered, I have had concussions and bruises and not remembering a thing the night before, so I know exactly what is like. Do you know what, OP? You know full well you are not the type of person to be going out to clubs, drinking and playing these 'games'. I went completely teetotal when I turned 19, and have found other things to occupy my mind with: whether it be going out for the day, going shopping, watching a movie or meeting up with friends during the day, so you are not tempted to drink at night. You need to find another hobby outside of uni. You say you're into sports and weightlifting? Then go online and find classes for that particular hobby, and participate in it. Join societies, find the one that is right for you, for your preferences and lifestyle. I am all for people partying, they can have the time of their life, it has nothing to do with me. But what I am saying is, I have been there and done that. My aim and focus now is to work, volunteer, gain experience, get my head down and focus on my studies. Yours are obviously going to be different, like everybody elses. So please: do not feel like an outsider, do not feel bad and do not give in to peer pressure. You only get one shot of this - so do what makes you happy, nobody else!
Don't feel you have to go to drinking events if you don't want to. Or if you do, you can always do the drinking games but with coke/lemonade, that's what I did. Does your uni have any alternative freshers events? I have been going to them and have found other people who don't like clubbing and drinking and I've enjoyed the events. Also societies are a good place to meet people with shared interests.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by linedb
I'm on my 2nd day of uni and i love everything, making friends easy, but soon as night comes around I hate it. I hardly ever drank alcohol before uni and this was so obvious to all my flat mates. I participated in all the drinking games, however I just embarrassed myself more because I didn't know the rules and everyone was expected to know them. I got nominated to down my cup of mixed cider/vodka etc and I completely botched it. Second night of freshers I tried going to the pub crawl but bailed after 2 pubs because no one was including me in their conversations. There is this one guy in our flat that is quite experienced and has been to a lot of freshers events and is always making casual malicious digs and remarks about me being inexperienced with drinking, everyone seems to join in since it seems to be banter and he is the popular one.
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
Sorry if im wrong and i mean this in the nicest way but I think you might be letting your anxiety's of wanting to fit in get the better of you here! I dont think people really think of you worse for never drinking before... your getting involved and aslong as you are happy and talkative everyone will like you
As for messing up... nobody really cares its fresher, just continue going out and having a laugh
your drinking tolerence will get better soon anyway 
Original post by linedb
I'm on my 2nd day of uni and i love everything, making friends easy, but soon as night comes around I hate it. I hardly ever drank alcohol before uni and this was so obvious to all my flat mates. I participated in all the drinking games, however I just embarrassed myself more because I didn't know the rules and everyone was expected to know them. I got nominated to down my cup of mixed cider/vodka etc and I completely botched it. Second night of freshers I tried going to the pub crawl but bailed after 2 pubs because no one was including me in their conversations. There is this one guy in our flat that is quite experienced and has been to a lot of freshers events and is always making casual malicious digs and remarks about me being inexperienced with drinking, everyone seems to join in since it seems to be banter and he is the popular one.
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
The bad is beginning to outweigh the good and I'm beginning to hate it here. My hobbies are weightlifting and sports, but i'm pretty sure the drinking atmosphere will be a staple in most sports societies. It's almost like I've developed a phobia of night time since I've came here now, because all it is drinking.
I do not suffer from depression or social anxiety, but I can feel the former setting in, it is becoming more and more apparent that I'm an outsider to my flatmates despite getting along with them during the day. I can also feel myself getting homesick too now.
Anyone have any advice for me?
After four years I can say that I too (Still) hate this aspect. I've found that even when you join an interest-based society, a large proportion of their events seem to be pub crawls etc - I want to do interesing and meaningful things and meet and make friends with psychology/creative writing/lgb/badminton/etc people, and this doesn't happen for me when all the organised events are drinking and clubbing!
It can be more difficul to find people who prefer daytime/sober activities but I promise you there will be some, somewhere! Try not to let this other guy make you feel bad about what you have/haven't done and what you do/don't enjoy - focus on the activities that you like and suggest things you can do during the day and make the most of those...if it comes to it just let them do their own thing at night, and find something else (that you enjoy more) to do - even if it's just watching a film or reading by yourself.
There's nothing to say you have to stick with the others all the time and participate in everyhing they do - especially if you don't enjoy it!
As long as you make the effort to socialise then people won't care if you don't drink as much. My friends had no problem with the fact that I was happy to join in their trips to the pub when I'm teetotal. Heck they even added an additional card for me in Ring of Fire. Red Jack being pulled with me in the room meant that I had to down a pint of squash.
Fresher's week will die down pretty quickly.
Fresher's week will die down pretty quickly.
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