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Abusive Muslim Family - Feel Trapped, Please Help

I was home schooled till I went to uni, and wasn't even allowed any friends by my mother, as she found out once that I had been flirting with this boy around my own age. My dad (whom my mum divorced and we no longer see) used to be physically abusive and my mum/older siblings would always take his side.

I had severe depression before going to uni and went a year early (at 17, we live in Scotland) just to get away from the family environment. Unfortunately, my depression/mental issues made it difficult for me to cope with the course and I was also bullied/socially ostracised by the people I lived with and on my course. I ended up having to leave last year when I was 19 due to my bad grades, and have been doing the odd bit of part-time work here and there (and trying my hardest to find full-time work, though it's hard given my lack of experience and qualifications and the fact I have nobody who can give me a reference for a job) while staying with my family. I have no friends whom I can stay with. I feel dead inside.

I can't move out till I've saved enough but I feel extremely trapped. I'm like the family scapegoat. I contribute as much as I can to shopping/chores etc. but my family speak to me more like I'm a domestic slave than a human being. Even if I do something like eat something out of the fridge that somebody else wanted to eat, or miss a tiny spot when mowing the lawn, I am shouted at for about half an hour, and they will laugh about it and mock me at dinner time or something. They continually make fun of any of my efforts to get a job too - my sister even encourages her five year old child to insult me.

I also feel physically unsafe, as my brothers are quite aggressive and like to make me feel scared. Whenever they're driving us somewhere, for instance, they will deliberately do so very dangerously (but never in front of a police car or speed camera, oddly enough) in order to get a scared reaction out of me. They will then laugh with my sister later about how scared I looked, as though it's funny, even though they have been doing crazy things like going at 90mph on a 60mph narrow road.

I feel sick and demotivated. I want to move out but I have no idea how to claim Housing Benefit or anything. I tried claiming JSA but they have completely messed up my claim and I only got about 2 days' worth, I have no idea what's going on. Please help.
Reply 1
Speak to someone in the job centre about job seekers allowance and I'm sure you can get house benefits form online


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Reply 2
Original post by Sahmed206
Speak to someone in the job centre about job seekers allowance and I'm sure you can get house benefits form online


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Thank you, I will do. Yeah, I'm not sure exactly how to apply but I'm looking into it right now.
Reply 3
I am a muslim too, and have faith xx maybe try to see a psychologist or a counsellor? If your family don't have faith in you, then prove them wrong xx Mashallah you've gotten far, don't stop now don't lose hope you can do this xx
Reply 4
OP please get yourself down to your local Citizens Advice Bureau,and explain your situation. They may be able to put you in touch with local charities and organisations that help people in your situation. You should’nt feel like that in your own home and with your own family. Also it might be an idea to speak to your GP,see if they get you referred for Counselling. Dont feel like you're alone,there is a lot of help out there,you just have to be willing to take it.

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Reply 5
The driving bit i can understand.Its what we do for fun
Reply 6
Original post by jen245
OP please get yourself down to your local Citizens Advice Bureau,and explain your situation. They may be able to put you in touch with local charities and organisations that help people in your situation. You should’nt feel like that in your own home and with your own family. Also it might be an idea to speak to your GP,see if they get you referred for Counselling. Dont feel like you're alone,there is a lot of help out there,you just have to be willing to take it.

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Thanks, great advice :smile:. I'm going down to see the CAB this week - am not sure how much they can help, though, as the abuse is no longer physical now that my dad has left the family and it's hard to "prove" mental abuse.
I'm going to speak to my GP as well, from past experience they can be quite unhelpful when trying to deal with this sort of thing though.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks, great advice :smile:. I'm going down to see the CAB this week - am not sure how much they can help, though, as the abuse is no longer physical now that my dad has left the family and it's hard to "prove" mental abuse.
I'm going to speak to my GP as well, from past experience they can be quite unhelpful when trying to deal with this sort of thing though.





I Completely agree with you your family seem horrible no offence and your so strong to have gone through the awful things they have put you through. You should be able to have friends and a boyfriend of your choice, you are a human being with the right to make your own decisions in life. I know I haven't been much help but I just wanted to give you some moral support
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 8
Original post by PriceZo
I Completely agree with you your family seem horrible no offence and your so strong to have gone through the awful things they have put you through. You should be able to have friends and a boyfriend of your choice, you are a human being with the right to make your own decisions in life. I know I haven't been much help but I just wanted to give you some moral support


Thank you, that means a lot to me :smile:
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, that means a lot to me :smile:


Your very welcome :smile:
Original post by Secretnerd123
What has religion got to do with it? Islam forbids abuse so stop making excuses and face the fact that its YOUR family thats the problem, not religion (otherwise you wouldn't have put muslim i

Try seeing a therapist. They seem horrible!


Bump


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(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Secretnerd123
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Since Islam clearly advocates the slaughter of homosexuals - I'm sure you can find a justification somewhere in it for something like this. After all it's all down to "interpretation" right? God couldn't create a clear cut religion which would stop problems like the OP's >constantly< arising?

Original post by Anonymous
X


OP I know you're not necessarily an ExMuslim but consider talking about your issues in our society (in the religion section) (if you want) rather than around people who will put you down instantly for putting Islam in the title of a thread. Nobody will push you to accept a certain view either.

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